Always and Forever
by Kayliana
Summary: Lily tells James Potter a secret that changes everything, James devotes himself to making things right with Severus, and a Wizard's Oath brings the three of them closer than they ever expected. (Eventual James/Sev/Lily OT3, but the story will mainly focus on James/Sev for a while.)
1. chapter 1

**A/N: Eventual James/Sev/Lily OT3, but the story will mainly focus on James/Sev for a while. Crossposted to AO3 under the same username.**

**Please forgive any wonky formatting-- I have to post from my phone and the ffnet app is NOT user friendly at all. You can always read on AO3 instead, which is my primary site anyway :) Enjoy!**

~ * ~ * ~ * ~

The last thing James Potter expected was to be ambushed by Lily Evans with a plea to back off of Snivellus only two days after the levitation incident after their Defense OWL. Yet here she was, having cornered him in the corridor outside the library not long before curfew on his way back from dropping off Sirius and Peter's overdue books.

"You need to leave Severus alone," she said, her eyes blazing. "You crossed the line last time."

"I crossed the line?" James spluttered, surprised both by her defense of Snivelly and the fact that she was talking to him in the first place. "He called you the M word!"

Lily's eyes narrowed. "I know what he said. But you restrained him and took his clothes off in public—that's technically sexual harassment, Potter. Did that even register in that fat head of yours?"

James paled and said, "That's not—it wasn't like that. We let him go right after you left." He blushed and awkwardly mumbled, "I didn't actually take his pants off."

"Doesn't matter," Lily argued. "You're lucky he didn't report you." She took a step closer and her tone dropped into something low and threatening that James wouldn't have imagined her capable of. "Leave. Him. Alone."

"Why do you even care?" James said, trying to project his usual bravado even though Lily had thrown him way off balance with this ambush. "I thought you weren't friends with the git anymore."

Lily's expression twisted in hurt and anger, and she lost her temper and shoved James against the wall. "Because he doesn't deserve to be abused here too! If you had any idea what he's been through—" she stopped herself, eyes dropping to the floor, giving off the impression that she'd said more than she'd meant to.

"Evans?" James prompted, his eyes wide at the implication.

She looked back up, seeming torn before meeting his eyes and continuing. "I'm going to tell you something, about Sev. But if you spread it around the school I swear I'll borrow Bellatrix Black's cursed knife and cut your bollocks off."

James swallowed and said, "Understood."

Lily glanced around to make sure they were still alone, then took out her wand and cast a privacy spell, not hiding her smirk when James flinched at the wand movement.

"I met Sev when we were both eight, and he was my best friend for years." She paused, seeming to second guess herself before finding her resolve. "His dad's a Muggle who hates magic and drinks too much and beats up Sev and his mum." James flinched in shock—children in the Wizarding World were so rare and cherished that (as far as he knew) child abuse was nearly unheard of, especially since there'd been a steady decline in birth rates over the years, particularly among Pureblood families. Lily continued, "They have no money and no other relatives to turn to—the Princes disowned Sev's mum for marrying a Muggle. She either can't or won't defend herself with magic, and Sev can't use magic underage or he'd get expelled. All he can do is get in his dad's way whenever he goes after his mum." Lily paused, a somber and regretful expression on her face. "I tried to help him, told him he could live with me, but he won't leave his mum and she won't leave that monster, so," Lily threw her hands up helplessly and trailed off into silence.

"I—I had no idea," James said, more ashamed of himself than he'd even been. He'd spent years tormenting Snape for no good reason, piling even more abuse on a boy who already had to deal with more than anyone ever should.

James dared to meet Lily's eyes and found her studying him closely. "Huh," she said after a moment. "I wasn't entirely sure whether you even had any humanity to appeal to."

That stung quite a lot, and James said, "Evans, if I'd known, I never would've—"

"If you'd known?" she interrupted, angry again. "You shouldn't have to know somebody's worst secret to not treat them like a punching bag! It's called basic human decency, Potter, you should try it."

"I will," James said, "I'll apologize, and I'll tell people to back off of him, and—"

"And everyone will want to know why."

"I—I'll tell them I'm trying to get on your good side," he said, forcing a smile. "Since he's your best mate and all."

"Was," Lily said sadly. "I don't know if I can forgive him this time."

James sighed, feeling the weight of guilt again—he wondered whether Snape would've lashed out at Lily like that if James hadn't already pushed him so far. He suspected not. "Evans, I really am sorry."

"I'm not the one to apologize to," she said. "And I wouldn't count on him hearing you out either."

"I'll try anyway," James said. "And, well, I heard he's still been hanging around the Fat Lady's portrait, trying to apologize to you."

"I know. I talked to him last night."

"And?"

Lily's expression closed off. "And none of your business." She looked around, waved her wand again to cancel the privacy spells, and turned towards the library door. "I meant what I said, Potter," she said over her shoulder. "If you tell anyone—"

"I won't," he assured her.

"And stop bullying him."

"I will."

She turned to look at him for a moment longer, then stiffly said, "Good night," and went into the library.

"Good night," James said to the closed door. He let out a massive sigh and nervously ran a hand through his messy hair. He had never felt quite this horrible before, and Evans was shockingly scary when she was angry.

He started walking back to Gryffindor Tower in a bit of a daze, thinking back on the things he'd said and done to Snape over the years. It had all been great fun at the time, but now all he felt was self-disgust and guilt. He thought about the day he'd first met Snape and Lily, on the Hogwarts Express—Snape must've been so excited, so hopeful that things would be better now that he was away from his father, and then James and his friends had turned around and made his life at Hogwarts hell too.

"Fuck," James muttered as he turned the final corner of the path back to the Fat Lady's portrait. He realized a second too late that he wasn't alone in the corridor.

There was Snape, sitting on the floor with his knees drawn up and his back against the wall by the portrait, looking abjectly miserable. His arms were folded across his knees, and his head was buried in his arms.

James didn't bother trying to quiet his footsteps as he approached, but even so, Snape didn't look up. In a fit of what had to be utter madness, James walked right up to the other boy and sat down beside him, nearly shoulder to shoulder.

Snape finally looked up, then froze when he saw James's face. They were too close together for Snape to quickly draw his wand, and James had no intention of drawing his so they just stared at each other for a tense, awkward moment.

James finally broke the silence and asked, "Are you okay, Sniv—er, Sev—I mean, erm, Snape?"

Snape blinked in shock, then said, "Are you drunk, Potter?"

James shook his head.

"What exactly do you think you're dong?" Severus demanded.

"Apologizing."

Snape scoffed. "Right, and I'm the Minister of Magic," he drawled sarcastically. "Get the hell away from me."

"But Minister," James said, "I'm ever so interested in hearing your plan to stop this Dark Lord Mouldyfart fellow."

Snape made a choked-off noise somewhere between a scoff and a laugh, then stared incredulously at James for having the gall to insult the Dark Lord.

"Clearly you have a death wish," Snape said.

"Then so do you—you laughed," James pointed out.

"That was not a laugh. I was just surprised that you managed to surpass my estimation of your vast stupidity."

"Ooh, fancy words Sev-thesaurus," James teased him, for once without a trace of malice in his tone. "And it was most definitely a laugh."

"It was not!"

"Was so!" James said, grinning. "I made you laugh, and we're having a civil conversation—hell, that practically makes us friends now."

Snape's expression closed off, and he said coldly, "Ah. I see." Then he stood to leave.

James stood too, confused. "See what? Where are you going?" He grabbed Snape's elbow but Snape wrenched it away and spun around to face him, wand drawn.

"So terribly sorry to ruin your latest prank so soon," Snape snarled, "but it's too late to pretend to be my friend only to humiliate me. You should've tried back in second year—I might've fallen for it then."

"What? I'm not—" James scrambled, holding his empty hands up in a gesture of peace.

"Tell Black and the others to come out from wherever they're hiding, or you're getting a Stinging Hex to the face."

"Nobody's hiding, Sniv—" damn it, "—Snape. I promise. I just wanted to apologize."

"Liar."

"I'm not lying. But," James hesitated, knowing that close-range Stinging Hexes were no joke, "but go ahead and hex me. It's the least I deserve after everything," he said guiltily.

Snape looked around the apparently empty hallway, even more suspicious now. "Why? So your Werewolf Prefect can dock a ridiculous amount of points and turn me in?"

"No, so I can tell absolutely no one, and practice my terrible Healing spells, and maybe feel a little less like a massive arsehole for how I've treated you all these years."

"But you are a massive arsehole," Snape said smoothly. "It's your defining characteristic."

"Maybe I'm looking to change that," James said.

Snape tilted his head and studied James' eyes. "You know what, Potter?" he said thoughtfully after a long moment.

"What?" James asked, daring to hope that he'd gotten through to the other boy.

Snape gave him a cold smile and said, "It's worth the points," then fired a Stinging Hex directly into James' face.

~ * ~ * ~ * ~

Severus allowed himself only a moment to admire his handiwork—James Potter's face swollen and reddened from the Stinging Hex, the boy himself swearing and sinking to his knees and blinking back tears from the pain of it—then he stormed away, not wanting to give Potter a chance to retaliate. He still half expected the Werewolf to leap out and deduct points, but it seemed that for once Potter had been telling the truth and no one was laying in wait for him.

He silently fumed at the gall of Potter trying to trick him into being 'friends.' As if he would ever fall for something so stupidly obvious and ill-thought-out. He silently fumed even more at himself for having wanted Potter's apology to be real. He turned a corner, and then another, and then nearly ran into someone carrying a stack of books.

"Oh, sorry," she said, barely managing to avoid dropping the books.

Severus was about to snap at her to watch where she was going, but then he looked up and saw who it was.

"Lily," he said, all thoughts of Potter fleeing his mind.

Her expression closed off a bit, but she cautiously replied, "Severus."

"I'm sorry," he blurted out, once again. "Lily, I swear I didn't mean it—"

"Were you waiting for me again?" she asked, nodding towards the hall that led back to the portrait hole.

"I was, until Potter showed up."

Lily's expression did something strange, and she asked, "And what did Potter do?"

"He apologized," Severus scoffed. "Didn't mean a word of it, I'm sure."

Lily raised an eyebrow. "So I'm supposed to believe your apology, but you won't believe his?"

Severus blinked. "That's completely different. I'm your best friend—that berk's tormented me for years. Obviously I don't believe him."

"People can change," Lily said pointedly.

Severus narrowed his eyes at her, and demanded, "Why are you defending Potter? Did you finally agree to go out with him?"

"Of course not," Lily said, then she bit her lip and looked at the floor. "But I—" she hesitated and trailed off, before saying in a rush, "I told him about your home life so he would finally leave you alone."

Severus paled, feeling like he'd been doused in ice water. "You what?" he hissed.

Lily looked up at him, her eyes pleading. "Look, he genuinely felt bad after I told him. If I hadn't—"

"He's going to tell the entire school!" Severus shouted. "You—how could you?"

"I did it to help you!" she shouted back, "Even though you've been awful to me—"

Severus let out a wild, humorless laugh. "So you told the bloke who's bullied me for years my worst secret 'to help me' because I called you a name? That's a bit of a disproportionate response!"

"It wasn't just a name—and you've changed! Messing around with Dark Magic, and hanging out with those blood-purist creeps you call friends—I can barely recognize my best friend when I look at you now!"

"Well you don't have to look at me anymore!" Severus shouted, pushing past her to storm away. Then he paused and turned back around. "On second thought," he said cruelly, "maybe I should just return the favor and tell Potter about last summer to 'help' you be rid of his attentions. Surely he won't want to sleep with you anymore once he knows 'Snivellus' got there first."

"Severus!" she hissed.

A loud scraping noise had both of them whirling around to see a mortified James Potter trying to back away slowly and escape around the corner—he'd bumped up against a portrait on the wall and noisily knocked it crooked.

"How long have you been lurking there?" Severus demanded, drawing his wand and stepping towards him.

"Long enough," Potter said, looking embarrassed. "I'm sorry, I heard shouting, and—"

"And naturally you just had to stick your nose into other people's business?" Severus said, deliberately leaving an opening for Potter to fire back a nose-related insult, because Severus really wanted an excuse to hex him again.

Potter didn't give him one. He just repeated, "I'm sorry," then glanced between Severus and Lily before carefully adding, "and I don't think less of either of you because of your secrets, just so you know."

Severus sarcastically replied, "What a joy, since I care ever so much about your opinion of me." He raised his wand threateningly and Potter winced but made no move to defend himself, despite already being injured. Potter had clearly attempted to heal his face, but it was still slightly swollen and red, mainly around the left cheek where the spell had struck. Severus looked pointedly at the swelling on Potter's face and added, "I see you weren't lying about being useless at healing spells."

"I wasn't lying about anything I said."

Behind them, Lily finally found her voice and said furiously, "I cannot believe you, Severus Snape! You promised—"

Snape turned his back on Potter to shout at Lily, "So did you!"

Lily's face was pale, her eyes watering and her expression furious. She was clutching her books in front of her and seemed undecided on whether to use them as a shield or as a projectile. "That's different."

"Yeah it's different," Severus snapped. "There's a difference between being ashamed of who you slept with and not wanting the entire school to know about a lifetime of abuse!"

"I'm not ashamed of you, Sev," Lily argued, "I told you it's different for girls! There's a double standard—everybody thinks it's fine for boys to have sex at our age, but girls get judged and called sluts for it!"

Severus sighed, and some of the fight went out of him. "Lily, I'm not going to tell anyone else. If it gets around, you'll know exactly who to blame," he said, turning to look at Potter, "and I'll know exactly whose bollocks to hex off."

"I'm not going to tell anyone," Potter insisted, "about either of you. In fact, come here." He stretched out both hands and motioned for them to come closer.

"Why?" Severus asked, suspicious.

"Let's all make a Wizard's Oath not to tell each other's secrets. Then you two can trust each other again, and neither of you have to worry about me." Potter's expression was ridiculously earnest. If Severus weren't so cynical, he might've believed that Potter really did want to make up for years of being an arsehole.

"Wizard's Oaths are serious, Potter," Lily said, looking dubious. "They're nearly as severe as the Unbreakable Vow, and they use the participants' magic to enforce it for life."

"I know how it works. If I died, you two would still be bound to each other but you'd be free to blab all my secrets," he joked, trying to lighten the mood.

"What secrets, Potter?" Severus asked. "We're on a rather uneven playing field, since we don't actually know any of yours."

"You know about the Shrieking Shack," James said under his breath, so only Severus would hear, since Lily was standing a few feet farther away.

"That's Lupin's secret, not yours," Severus whispered back.

Lily finally set her stack of books down on the floor, stepped closer and said, "What are you two whispering about?"

Severus didn't answer and neither did Potter.

Finally Potter sighed and said, "All right fine. I'll tell you one." He nervously ran a hand through his wild hair, then looked at the ground, and quietly confessed, "I'm bisexual."

Severus stared at him for a moment, then scoffed and said, "So what? I am too, and I know for a fact that Wizards are far more accepting of queer people than Muggles are. That's hardly a secret on par with ours."

Potter narrowed his eyes at Severus and said, "There's still plenty of prejudice—as I'm sure you know. I've never told anyone before. And why don't you ask some of your Slytherin pals about the pressure that Pureblood families put on their heirs to continue the line? Can't exactly do that if I end up with a bloke. And, well," he blushed, then continued, "I'm attracted to men a bit more often than women."

"There are potions and rituals for male pregnancies," Severus said slowly, wondering how Potter wasn't already aware of the fact.

"Yes but they're riskier, and they rarely work if there's already a family history of difficulty conceiving." Potter awkwardly rubbed the back of his neck and said, "My parents were in their 50s when they finally had me."

"That's tragic, Potter, really," Severus said, examining his fingernails.

"You're a dick," Potter said.

Severus glanced up and raised an eyebrow at him. "And yet you like dick. Are you trying to tell me something?"

Potter scoffed. "You wish."

Lily looked back and forth between them with an odd expression. "So," she finally said to Potter, "all of the obnoxious public flirting with me—was that just a cover?"

"No! No, Evans, I do like you. A lot, really," Potter stammered out, blushing. "I mean—does it bother you that I'm bi?"

"It doesn't bother me at all," Lily said, then smirked. "But I'm still not going to go out with you."

Nonsensically, Potter grinned at her and said, "Someday, Evans, I'm going to win you over."

Lily rolled her eyes.

Severus cleared his throat and snapped, "Are we making an Oath or not?"

Potter quickly glanced back at him, their eyes locking. "You'll accept that as my secret, then?"

"Obviously it would be distressing for you if it got out, so, yes," Severus said, with the tone of one doing someone else a great favor.

Potter blinked, then gave him a tight smile and said, "All right." He held his left hand out towards Severus and Lily, and instructed, "Hands. I'm guessing you know the spell, Evans?"

She nodded, and placed her hand in Potter's, taking out her wand. "It'll be stronger if we all put our wands in." She elbowed Severus and said, "Hand, Sev."

"Hand, Sev," Potter echoed when Sev hesitated, smirking but without the cruelty Severus was used to seeing from him. Severus gave Potter a disdainful look, but placed his left hand on top of Potter's and Lily's joined ones.

"Are we going to set specific consequences?" Potter asked. "Or just use the default where the Oath literally won't let us tell?"

"Consequences," Lily suggested. "Anyone who breaks the Oath loses their magic for a month."

Severus and Potter both flinched. "Evans," Potter said, "Witches and Wizards can die if their magic is suppressed for a long time."

"I know," Lily said, "I've read about it. But severe side effects don't start until around six months. A month won't kill anyone, but it would be miserable. Which is kind of the point."

"I'll agree to it," Severus said, giving Potter a pointed look, "as I have no intention of breaking the Oath."

Potter's eyes narrowed at the challenge, and he immediately said, "Neither do I. Fine, one month without magic."

"All right then," Lily said. "I'll do the incantation, then we all say 'I vow on pain of losing my magic for one month never to tell your secret to another while you live'. Ready?"

Severus and Potter both nodded, and all three of them placed the tips of their wands on their joined hands. Lily said, "Magus Juramentum," then the three of them carefully said in unison, "I vow on pain of losing my magic for one month never to tell your secret to another while you live." Silvery-blue ropes of light emerged from each of their wands and wrapped around their joined hands before disappearing.

They carefully released each other's hands and shared an uneasy look.

Naturally, Potter was the first to break the silence, clearing his throat and saying, "Well, that's that then."

Severus snorted, and sarcastically said, "Eloquent, Potter."

"Sev?" Lily said.

He turned towards her, and was taken completely by surprise when she slapped him hard in the face.

"Evans!" Potter protested.

"Ow," Severus said, raising one of his own hands to his sore cheek and giving Lily a disbelieving look.

"That's for shouting our private business in the corridors for anyone to hear," she said, unrepentant. Then she turned towards Potter, who took a step backwards. But to him she just said, "Potter, keep working on being a decent human being—it seems like you've made some progress."

She looked between the two of them one more time, then picked her stack of library books up off the floor and walked away towards the portrait hole.

Once she was gone, Potter turned towards Severus and said leadingly, "Is she always that feisty?"

"Do not ask me any crude questions about her or I'll curse your bollocks off."

Potter raised his eyebrows and said, "Why are you two so obsessed with my bollocks?"

"Excuse me?" Severus said dangerously.

"Earlier, she threatened to cut them off with a cursed knife, and you've threatened to hex them twice now."

"It's a common target of Muggle threats," Severus said dismissively. "And we would both absolutely follow through, so you should watch yourself."

"Duly noted. And anyway, you were the one shouting that you were going to tell me you slept with her."

Severus let out a frustrated sigh, and rubbed his hand over his face. "I wasn't actually going to tell you—that was my temper talking."

"Well," Potter said mildly, "your temper's kind of an arsehole."

Severus turned a disbelieving look on him.

"Yeah, yeah, I like arseholes, and no I'm still not trying to tell you anything," Potter said, then flashed him a genuine smile.

"Potter—"

"James," Potter interrupted.

"What?"

"I mean, we did just make the most sacred of vows," he said dramatically, "so you ought to call me James now."

"The phrase 'most sacred of vows' refers to marriage, you dunderhead."

"Oh. My mistake," he said, grinning again. "Still though. Call me James. And I'll call you Severus, if that's all right?"

"Does it really matter if I say no?"

Potter frowned slightly and said, "Well, yeah. Do you think I still call Evans by her surname by choice?"

Severus studied him for a long moment, then finally said, "I suppose it's better than Snivellus."

Potter looked guilty for a second, but said, "Is that a yes?"

"Yes, James," he said pointedly.

"Ta, Severus," said Potter—er, James.

"Just Sev is fine," he said, before his brain caught up to his mouth in time to veto it.

James' smile brightened, and he said, "Sev."

Severus abruptly looked away and said, "It's almost curfew, I should get back."

"Oh, er, all right. I could walk with you?" he offered awkwardly.

Severus raised an eyebrow. "Really? Are you quite sure you're willing to be seen in public with me?"

James frowned again. "I wasn't planning to only be nice to you in private."

"And how are your precious Marauders going to react to that?"

To Severus' surprise, James actually smiled. "We could prank them," he suggested. "We could prank everybody, as a matter of fact." He took a few tentative steps away, waiting to see if Severus would follow and let him walk him back to the dungeons.

Severus decided to take the bait. He followed James and they headed back to the main stairway, and he asked, "How exactly would we do that?"

James shrugged, and said, "We could just be sickeningly friendly to each other, with no explanations to anyone. If anybody asks us about it or acts like it's weird, we respond like they're the one who's weird for asking."

"That's imbecilic and I hardly see how it qualifies as a prank."

James blinked and muttered, "Tell me how you really feel."

So Severus did. "I'm still not convinced you aren't playing an elaborate prank on _me_."

James stopped walking halfway down a moving staircase with a frustrated look on his face, and Severus paused too, suddenly wary. "Fine," James said after a moment, looking determined. Then he took out his wand, looked directly at Severus, and said, "I swear on my magic there are no cruel intentions behind my attempt to befriend Severus Snape." There was an instantaneous flash of silvery light from his wand indicating truth.

Severus' eyes went wide and he demanded, "What the hell, Potter?"

James pointedly cast a Lumos followed by a Nox to prove he still had magic, then said, "Believe me now?"

"That was beyond idiotic—you could've permanently lost your magic if you misworded something!"

"I'm very aware of that," James snapped back.

"Why do you care so much about whether I believe you?"

"Because I was completely evil to you for years, and I know nothing I do will ever make up for that but I'm still going to try."

"I don't want your pity, Potter."

"It's not pity—"

"Then why didn't your change of heart happen yesterday? Or a week ago? A year?" Severus stepped closer and shoved James back a step. "It most certainly is pity, because now you think I'm some poor, helpless little abuse victim—"

"I know you're not helpless—you always fight back. I—Merlin, I'm fucked up but I've always liked that about you, even when it was me you were fighting. And I don't pity you—I'm sorry for what you went through, and for everything that I added to it, but I respect you for not breaking. For still fighting back."

Severus met James' eyes and gave him a long searching look, wishing that he was further along in his study of Legilimancy—he'd postponed studying it in-depth until after OWLs year and he was regretting that decision now. But James definitely seemed sincere, based on the surface thoughts and emotions that Severus was able to glean.

After a moment, Severus sighed and said, "You're right." He paused for dramatic effect, then continued, "You are fucked up." But his lips twitched in the barest hint of a smile.

James huffed out a laugh, then playfully shoved Severus in the shoulder. "Tosser."

They continued on down the stairs until they reached the ground floor. Their steps slowed and they paused by the door that led down to the dungeons.

"I'm not going to lead you right to the Slytherin common room," Severus said. "One can only imaging the havoc you'd wreak if you knew where it is."

James gave him an exaggeratedly sad look and said mournfully, "It would've been such glorious havoc."

Severus smirked and said cordially, "Good night, James."

"Night, Sev."

Severus started to turn away, but James awkwardly said, "Er—wait a mo'," and when Severus paused, James looked around to make sure they were still alone before continuing. "Erm, well—Evans told me that she'd offered you a place to stay if you ever needed it, and, well, I just wanted to make the same offer. For you and your mum both. If you want to get away." He'd addressed half of that to the floor, daring glances up at Severus as if he expected him to explode in anger. Which, to be fair, would've been his normal response to anything that even remotely resembled pity or charity.

But Severus just looked at James impassively for a long moment, before saying, "What I want has never counted for much… But thank you."

James smiled, relief evident on his face. "The floo address is Potter Cottage. Or I suppose you could take the Knight Bus, we're in Godric's Hollow."

"I'll keep it in mind."

James smiled and said again, "Night, Sev."

Severus nodded at him, and turned to descend the stairs into the dungeons, his mind spinning with the surreal turn the night had taken—James Potter suddenly no longer an enemy? Suddenly trying to make amends and be friendly?—Severus was tempted to think it all a bizarre dream.

He was halfway to the common room before it occurred to him that he should've offered to heal James' face properly.

~ * ~ * ~ * ~

James walked back to Gryffindor tower wearing a grin even though it hurt his face a bit with the residual soreness of the Stinging Hex. He hadn't fucked things up completely, and he had a truce—nay, a budding friendship—with Severus, and Evans seemed impressed with him, and to top it all off he'd come out. Well, to two people who he'd immediately sworn to secrecy, but still. It had felt terrifying but also freeing, especially when both of them turned out to be fine with it.

He knew that wouldn't be the case with everyone, but he felt a little more confident that he could someday tell the Marauders. He already suspected that there might be something more than friendship between Remus and Sirius, but he wasn't sure if they were even aware of it yet and he dreaded making things awkward by asking. Maybe if he came out, it would encourage them to speak up if they were into each other. Or, on the flip side, maybe they would all be disgusted with him and not want to be around him and the next two years of sharing a dorm would be unbearably awkward.

His smile slipped a little, and he decided not to do anything drastic right away. Well, besides being disgustingly nice to Severus at breakfast tomorrow. He was definitely going through with that, even though OWLs were over now and there were only two more free days left before everyone went home—the rest of the school could wonder about it all summer, and no matter what Sev said, it definitely counted as a prank.

James climbed through the portrait hole, surprised to find Lily sitting on one of the sofas with a book.

"Waiting up for me, Evans?" he asked cheekily.

She gave him a once-over and replied, "You certainly look pleased with yourself. Do I even want to ask what took you so long?"

James smiled, took the liberty of sitting on the other end of her sofa, and said, "Well, I walked Severus back to the dungeons," he said, emphasizing Sev's name, "and yes he gave me permission to use his first name—you should follow his example, it turns out he's a really smart guy."

Lily raised an eyebrow. "Who are you and what have you done with James Potter?"

"Is that a no?"

"It's a no, Potter."

"You're killing me, Evans," James whined as she stood to leave. "Hey, wait!" he called, and she paused. He glanced around the common room to make sure they were really alone, then added in a more serious tone, "I followed your example and told him that he and his mum could come stay with me if they ever needed to."

Lily's eyebrows skyrocketed again. "That's—astoundingly generous of you. You've been on speaking terms with him for what, an hour?"

James smiled and spread his arms to the sides. "What can I say? I'm an all-or-nothing kind of guy."

"Clearly." Lily kept him pinned under a searching look for another moment before turning away again. "Good night, Potter."

"Night, Evans."

James went upstairs to the dorm, and he was climbing into bed when it occurred to him that he should've asked Evans to heal his face. Oh well. It would finish healing on its own by morning.

~ * ~ * ~ * ~

Severus, to his dismay, overslept and very nearly missed breakfast. He scrambled out of bed and quickly dressed—he always tried to eat as much as possible in the weeks leading up to the summer, since he could never count on consistent meals at home, and missing a free meal at Hogwarts was unacceptable. By the time he rushed into the Great Hall, there were only a few scattered groups of students still sitting at the tables, and it looked like most of the food had been thoroughly picked through already.

He swore under his breath and sat down at the empty end of the Slytherin table, near the fullest-looking platter of scrambled eggs and bacon, and then began piling food onto a plate.

"Good morning," a cheery voice said from behind him. Startled, Severus looked up sharply, his shoulders automatically tensing and his grip on his fork tightening. "Whoa, calm down," James said, looking alarmed at Sev's reaction. He casually sat next to Severus, placing a plate piled full with assorted breakfast foods next to the plate Sev had already claimed.

Severus eyed both the plate and James warily before demanding, "What are you doing?"

"Having breakfast with you, obviously." James glanced around, then said in a much quieter voice, "Our prank, remember? Confusing everyone by being disgustingly nice to each other?" He smiled, stole a piece of bacon off Sev's plate, and took a bite.

"Eat your own food, Potter," Sev griped automatically.

"Oh, no, I already ate. This is for you," James said, sliding the loaded plate closer to Severus.

"What did you do to it?"

James scoffed, put a hand over his heart, and dramatically said, "Severus, you wound me! How could you think I would tamper with the lovely breakfast I saved for you?"

"Five years of experience?" Severus suggested dryly.

"Do I need to swear on my magic again?" James asked, taking out his wand and starting to raise it.

"No!" Severus snapped, grabbing James' hand to force his wand back down before anyone noticed. "If you keep doing that, you're eventually going to misword something and lose your magic and I'm sure somehow I'll be blamed for it."

"Aww, you do care about me," James said, grinning.

"I absolutely do not."

"Then why are you holding my hand?" James asked, waggling his eyebrows.

Severus sneered and released James' wand hand, wrenching his own hand away. "Dream on, Potter." He dug into his eggs and very deliberately didn't look at James.

"You know," James said after a moment, "you're not very good at being disgustingly nice—you actually sort of look like you want to murder me. Maybe tone it down a bit? People are watching."

"If you recall," Severus said stiffly, "I never agreed to your stupid so-called prank."

The sixth-sense Severus had developed after years of being bullied suddenly went off, and he glanced over at the Gryffindor table—Black had stood up and was heading towards the Slytherin table, with Lupin trying rather halfheartedly to slow him down.

"Incoming," Severus muttered.

"What? Oh, damn," James said. "I told Moony to keep him distracted, but I didn't say why. They're going to think I'm pranking you," he said, giving Sev an anxious, apologetic look.

"Splendid," Severus muttered back, just as Black and Lupin arrived at the table.

"What's this, then?" Black said, smirking. "Fattening up old Snivellus for the slaughter? Sorry to spoil your fun, Prongs, but he probably tastes awful."

Severus immediately replied, "I know your whole family is insane, Black, but cannibalism's taking it a bit too far."

James remained silent, his eyes shifting between the two as they volleyed insults back and forth.

Black sneered and said, "We would have to be the same species first for it to count as cannibalism, Snivellus."

Severus arched an eyebrow and said, "That sounded like a comment on my blood status, Black, I'm surprised at you."

Black's face reddened in anger and he snapped back, "It's a comment on you being a greasy, Dark Arts loving piece of shit."

"So what I'm hearing is that you're not a cannibal but you do eat shit?" Severus said calmly.

James snorted in laughter, then said, "Sorry, Padfoot, but he got you there."

Black gave James a surprised, betrayed look, then stiffly said, "Whenever you're finished slumming it, Prongs, we'll be in the Common Room." With that, Black walked away and Lupin followed after giving James a questioning look.

James let out a heavy sigh.

"What a load of help you were," Severus said sarcastically. "Which part of sitting idly by while someone insults me counts as 'being disgustingly nice'?"

"Look, I'm sorry, I wasn't prepared for that," James said, running a hand through his hair.

"Whatever," Severus said, shoving another bite of eggs in his mouth. After a moment, he asked, "What's the meaning of those stupid nicknames anyway?"

"They're not stupid," James argued.

"They're beyond stupid. I mean, 'Moony' I get now, but the others? 'Prongs' makes no sense unless you have a fork fetish, 'Padfoot' seems to imply Black has bunions, and 'Wormtail' sounds like a reference to a tiny penis."

James snorted, spraying the table with the mouthful of Pumpkin juice he'd just taken, and then busting into riotous laughter.

"Control yourself," Severus said, but his lips twitched into a hint of a smile, "people are staring."

"They were already staring," James said, wiping a few actual tears away, "we're the most interesting thing in the Great Hall right now." He laughed again, then said, "Merlin, you're hilarious. How did I never notice that?"

Severus' smile turned bitter and he looked away. "I imagine you were too busy shoving me into the lake and hexing me in corridors to realize I have a sense of humor."

"Hey," James said, his mood sobering. "That's over, all right? Never again. I'll swear another Oath if you want me to."

"Keep your voice down," Severus hissed.

"I will though," James said. "Right now, in front of everyone." He reached for his wand again but Severus grabbed his wrist under the table to stop him.

"That won't be necessary," Severus said in a clipped tone. "Although I'm sure you would astound and impress the whole," he glanced around to do an approximate head count of the breakfast stragglers, "twenty people still hanging about."

James sniffed and said, "Not my fault you showed up late and most of the audience was already gone."

"The 'audience'?" Severus repeated, mildly horrified. "Do you even hear yourself, you bloody narcissist?"

James huffed a laugh, rolled his eyes, and sarcastically said, "Love you too."

Severus stared.

"In a purely platonic former-enemies kind of way," James clarified.

Severus kept staring.

"What? Don't tell me that's the first time anyone's said it to you, because that would just be too tragic to believe—Severus?"

Severus finally let go of James' wrist and abruptly stood to leave. "I have to go."

"Wait—was it?" James asked, looking alarmed.

"No, you idiot, I just have better things to do than listen to your rambling inanities. If you follow me, I'll hex your face again." Severus grabbed a roll off the table and stuffed it in his pocket for later, not even caring who saw, then he swept off towards the main door.

~ * ~ * ~ * ~

Lily was sitting alone at a table in the library attempting to get ahead on her summer homework when James Potter hurled himself into the chair across from her, ran a nervous hand through his riotous hair, and then asked somewhat frantically, "You've told Sev that you love him before, right?"

For a moment Lily just stared in shock, then she blinked and said, "Excuse me?"

"I mean, back when you guys—you know—did you ever say you loved him?"

"Have you two been gossiping about me?" she demanded, her temper flaring.

"No," Potter said at once, "we haven't, I swear. I just—I said 'I love you' to him at breakfast and he got super weird about it, and—"

Lily's jaw dropped and she interrupted, "You said 'I love you' to Severus?"

"No—well, technically yes, but not like that! He called me a narcissist and I said 'Love you too' and then he went all quiet and stormed off. Just, come on Evans, please tell me that wasn't the first time someone's said that to him. I said it _sarcastically_," he said, his tone full of guilt.

Lily stared at him in shock for a few more moments, then laughed and decided to put him out of his misery. "Not that it's any of your business," she admonished, "but yes, I've said it to him."

Potter heaved a massive sigh of relief, and Lily giggled at him again. "Thank fuck," he said.

Lily studied his expression, looking for any sign of deceit or malice, but he seemed sincere. Lily cleared her throat to get his attention, then said, "If you're serious about making reparations or whatever you're doing, you should know that love is kind of a sore spot for him. I wouldn't bring it up again, even if you're joking around."

"Why is it a sore spot?"

"Why do you think?" Lily said, raising an eyebrow. "His mum won't leave her abuser because she somehow still loves him. Or she claims to, anyway."

"Ah," Potter said, looking sad but thoughtful.

Lily stared at Potter for another moment, gauging his sincerity, then she admitted, "When I told Sev, he nearly panicked—he said that I shouldn't love him, and that he never wanted to trap me like that," she trailed off, frowning at the memory.

Potter's eyebrows were raised so high that they'd disappeared into his fringe. After a second, he blinked and composed himself, clearing his throat and saying, "Right. No talking about love. Got it. Thanks, Evans."

He stood to leave but Lily quickly asked, "Potter? Why are you so invested in this?"

Potter gave her a sheepish look and said, "You know why. Do I really have to spell it out?"

"Yes."

He sighed. "Because I'm trying to make up for five years of being a bullying arsehole. That's why."

She gave him a long look, unconvinced that that was all there was to it, but she finally said, "If you hurt him, in any way—"

"Yeah, I know," he interrupted uncomfortably. "Knife to the bollocks."

"Exactly."

Potter gave her a wary smile, then said, "See you around, Evans."

"Bye, Potter."

She watched him leave the library, a reluctant but hopeful smile creeping onto her face.

~ * ~ * ~ * ~

James climbed through the portrait hole into the Common Room, only to be immediately confronted by Sirius, who pointed his wand at James. "Revelare Incantatorum!" he cast, looking disappointed when nothing happened.

"What the hell, Padfoot?" James demanded.

"Just checking to see if Snivellus has you under the Imperius or something."

"Well, he doesn't," James said, annoyed.

"Okay," Sirius drawled, "so were you pranking him? Sorry if I ruined it. There was something in that food you gave him, wasn't there?"

"No," James said, finally stepping around Sirius and noticing Remus and Peter sitting on one of the sofas, watching raptly. "I was just trying to be nice to the guy," James said, taking the open spot in between them and leaving Sirius to perch on the arm of the sofa by Remus.

All three of his friends' jaws had dropped.

"I'm trying to get on Evans' good side, all right?" James said quickly. "And—I mean, we need to back off of him anyway—things went too far last time."

"Who are you and what have you done with our Prongs?" Sirius said, disbelief evident in his expression.

"Snivellus called Evans a you-know-what though," Peter piped up. "You being nice to him now isn't going to impress her."

James shrugged uncomfortably. "He apologized, and they've been friends for years. I think she might give him another chance."

"Still," Remus said, "this doesn't sound like the most logical strategy." He caught James' eye and quickly added, "Don't get me wrong, it's very mature of you, but—"

"Who cares about 'mature'?" Sirius cut in. "He's being _nice_ to _Snivellus_. On purpose! This is a crisis, Moony—this is a sign of the apocalypse!"

"You know," Peter said slyly, "if being nice to him doesn't get Evans to like you, you could always turn it into an epic prank once you have his trust. He would never see it coming."

James blinked and said, "That's evil, Peter."

Sirius nodded in agreement, then added, "I love it."

"I'm not going to do that to him," James said decisively. "I've done enough, all right?" He ran a hand through his hair and stared down at the floor.

"But he deserves it, Prongs," Sirius whined.

"No, he doesn't!" James snapped, a bit louder than he'd meant to. His friends stared at him with wide eyes and raised eyebrows, but he couldn't explain his change of heart without breaking his Oath. "Look, just let it go, all right? Leave him alone." James stood and went back through the portrait hole, not daring to look back at his friends again.

Luckily he still had the Marauders' Map in his pocket after using it to find Evans. He put some distance between himself and Gryffindor Tower, then ducked into an alcove to look for Severus' name on the Map.

~ * ~ * ~ * ~

Severus sat leaning against a tree near the lake, not far from where he'd been sitting earlier that week when Potter and his cronies had attacked him. He'd thought this was a clever and unexpected choice and that Potter would never think to look for him there, let alone dare to approach him.

He'd thought wrong.

Severus had his nose buried in the newest Potions Monthly that he'd swiped from the library when Madam Pince had her back turned, when suddenly someone behind him cleared their throat.

He jumped to his feet, wand drawn, only to realize it was Potter.

"Erm," James said awkwardly, "sorry."

Severus glanced around skittishly, looking for the other Marauders out of habit and not lowering his wand.

James gave him a look that was half forced awkward smile and half dismayed guilty frown, and as if reading Sev's mind, he said, "It's all right, it's just me."

"Stop doing that with your face," Sev snapped at him, annoyed at both the intrusion and his own panicked reaction to it.

"What am I doing with my face?"

"I don't think there's a word for it, but it's atrocious."

James laughed, and that was better. His face was much more tolerable when he laughed like that—a friendly laugh, rather than the cruel one Sev was used to. A 'with you' laugh rather than an 'at you' laugh. "Can I sit down?" James asked.

Severus cautiously lowered his wand, giving Potter a long considering look before acquiescing, "If you must."

James stepped closer, then had the gall to sit with his back right up against Sev's tree. He smiled up at Sev, then patted the ground directly beside him and said, "Come on, then. Tree's plenty big enough for both of us."

Severus remained standing. He narrowed his eyes and said, "What do you want, Potter?"

Potter blinked, then said, "It's James. And, I dunno, I just wanted to see how you were doing."

"Well now you've seen," Severus said, maintaining his chilly stare for another moment before giving in and sitting down next to James, staring fixedly out at the lake in front of them instead of at the boy beside him. "I believe I told you not to follow me," Severus said in a futile attempt to wipe the sudden grin off of Potter's face.

"I didn't follow you."

"And yet here you are," Sev said in a mockingly amazed tone.

James laughed, and said, "I happen to be very good at finding people."

Severus raised a dubious eyebrow and said, "Right."

James looked at him for a long moment, then said apropos nothing, "You should sit at the Gryffindor table for lunch."

Severus scoffed and immediately said, "Not on your life." He looked over at Potter, trying to figure out what would make him say something so utterly absurd. "Unlike some people," he said pointedly, "I don't enjoy making a public spectacle of myself. And I don't enjoy being called a greasy subhuman shit by your ever so delightful friends."

James shrugged and glanced away towards the lake, looking put-out. "A simple 'no' would've sufficed," he said.

"It was a ridiculous question," Severus said. "If you want this to work you'll have to learn to think before you speak."

"If I want this to work?" James repeated, turning to look at Severus curiously.

"This—you know," Severus said awkwardly. "Us being—civil."

James huffed a laugh and said, "Friends. The word you're looking for is friends, Sev."

"Is it?" Severus asked, raising an eyebrow. "Do you actually think I can just snap my fingers and set aside five years of torment and humiliation, and be 'friends' with you just because you suddenly grew a conscience and took an Oath?"

"No," James said. "I don't expect that. I'm just asking for a chance to try to make it up to you. And I'll keep proving it if I have to." James reached down and pulled his wand out, then said, "I swear on m—"

"Don't!" Severus snapped, grabbing the wand right out of Potter's hand. The two of them stared at each other in silence and a little bit of shock. James clearly hadn't expected him to do that. Sev swallowed, thinking of how savagely delighted he would've been three days ago to have James Potter alone and disarmed and at his mercy—but now it just made him feel awkward. He cleared his throat and handed the wand back to James. "If you try that again, I'll throw it in the lake."

James shrugged and said, "It's a nice day for a swim," but then he smiled and put his wand away, looking out towards the lake as a light breeze ruffled his hair.

Severus took the opportunity to stare at him for a long moment—at this boy who had switched whiplash-quick from constantly tormenting him to aggressively befriending him—and he wondered how long this would last before it inevitably fell apart. Potter was rich, handsome, popular—essentially everything Severus was not. Potter would either get bored and abandon him, or his pity would keep growing exponentially until it eclipsed whatever friendship they managed and then Sev would have to walk away. And then there was the matter of their affiliations—Potter was a blatantly Light wizard from a family of them who professed to hate the Dark Arts as much as Black did, whereas Severus had been dabbling in the Dark Arts for years. Furthermore, with the exception of the anti-Muggleborn sentiments, he rather agreed with most of what he'd heard about Lord Voldemort's vision for the future and he was seriously considering joining him once he was of age. Sev imagined that the instant James caught wind of Severus' tentative plans, he'd be back to hexing him and calling him Snivellus, and that thought hurt more than it should have after only one day of non-hostility.

James nudged his shoulder against Severus', breaking him out of his reverie and asking, "So, er, would you like to stay over at my place for a bit this summer? Or the entire summer? Either way."

Severus stared at him. "Are you serious?"

"No, I'm James," he quipped, grinning.

Severus rolled his eyes and didn't dignify that with a response.

"But yes, I mean it," James said.

Sev looked away and said, "My father expects me home in the summers to work. Freaks have to earn their keep, you know," he added bitterly.

James flinched, and said cautiously, "If money's the issue, I could—"

"What, pay him for my company like I'm some kind of whore?" Severus interrupted.

"No! Merlin," James said, blushing. "I was thinking we could pretend you got a job in another town so you had to stay away, and we could send some money back every so often like paychecks."

"And then I would be in your debt."

"You won't have to pay me back," James said, looking confused, "it'll be a gift."

"It would be charity, or guilt money, and either way I don't want it."

"Sev—"

"I said no," Severus said, getting to his feet.

"But—" James scrambled up after him.

"Potter, he's worse to my mum when I'm not around to beat up on, all right?" Severus finally blurted out. "It's bad enough when I'm here and only home on holidays—I can't just swan off with you and leave her there alone all summer."

James finally shut up but gave him such a sad look that Severus had to look away. After a rather heavy moment, James said, "I'd really like to hug you right now but I imagine you'll hex me for trying."

Severus scoffed and said, "You know me so well already." He shifted on his feet, on the verge of walking away.

James hummed noncommittally, then said, "I'd best make it a good one then." His hand shot out, seizing Severus' wrist to pull him closer, then he pulled Sev against his chest and wrapped both arms around him tight.

"Potter!" Sev protested into James' shoulder.

"I can't believe how wrong I was about you," James said. "You're brave, and loyal, and so bloody selfless."

Sev let out a sharp exhale and brought his arms up—ostensibly to push Potter away, but instead he found himself putting his arms around the other boy and clinging to him tightly, burying his face in the crook of Potter's neck. One of James' hands came up to cradle the back of Sev's head for a moment before tentatively stroking through his hair. "Don't," Sev muttered, suddenly self-conscious, "I haven't washed it today."

"I don't care," James immediately replied. "It's fine. Soft."

Severus went quiet again, but after a moment he suddenly laughed as the absurdity of the situation hit him.

"What?" James asked.

Sev shook his head, with his forehead pressed against James' collarbone. "Nothing, just—James Potter hugging me and telling me my hair's soft," he said in a tone of amused disbelief.

James chuckled and added in the same tone, "Severus Snape hugging me back after I've tried to pay for him to spend the summer hols with me."

Severus chuckled again, but refused to give Potter the satisfaction of admitting that if he could in good conscience stay with him—if there had been any chance at all of persuading his mother to finally leave—he would've agreed to it in a heartbeat. They both went quiet for a long moment, though neither tried to pull away from the embrace, and James kept carding his fingers through Sev's hair.

Eventually, James asked, "Can we at least write to each other?"

"No," Severus answered right away.

"Oh," James said, disappointed.

"No," Sev repeated, then clarified, "because he hates magic and gets angry enough about the Hogwarts owl bringing my book list every year—if he caught me writing to someone," he trailed off pointedly.

"All right, I get it," James said, sounding frustrated now instead of disappointed. "Isn't there anything we can do? Like report him, or—?"

"I tried that once," Severus said in a flat, deliberately emotionless tone. "And then he broke my arm, and gave my mother a black eye and a few broken ribs for having failed to teach me my place."

"Merlin, Sev."

Severus finally started to pull away, unable to bear the intimacy any longer. James tightened his grip for half a second, reluctant to let him go, but then he relented, seeming to understand what a monumental mistake it would be to try to force him to stay. Sev pulled out of the embrace and took a step back, looking at the ground instead of at James.

"I should—" Sev said, but trailed off because he wasn't sure how to say 'go anywhere else because I'm already starting to genuinely enjoy your company and that infuriates and also confuses the hell out of me' without sounding totally pathetic.

"Have lunch with me today?" James asked as Sev started to turn away.

"I already said—" Severus started, but James cut him off.

"Not at my table—we don't even have to go to the Great Hall if you don't want to. I know a secret way into the kitchens."

Severus looked up at James and quirked an eyebrow. "Of course you do."

"Is that a yes, then?" James asked eagerly.

"Won't your little gang miss your charming company?"

James shrugged. "I can see them anytime. We've only got a day and a half, until next year."

Sev blinked, then gave him a long, considering look before finally saying, "All right then."

James beamed and said, "I'll meet you in the entrance hall at noon."

"Fine," Severus said. He bent to pick up his magazine from the ground, then started to take a step away.

"No," James said, gently catching his wrist. "You stay, and I'll go. I don't want to run you off—this is kind of your spot, isn't it?"

"I suppose," Severus said, very conscious of the way James' thumb traced along Sev's pulse point as he released his wrist. Distracted, confused, and unwillingly charmed, Sev blurted out, "You've been rather different from what I expected."

"Well, that can only be a good thing," James said in a self-depreciating tone Sev wouldn't have thought him capable of.

"It is," Sev confirmed, catching James' eyes and giving him a hint of a smile.

"Glad to hear it," James said, smiling back. He stuffed his hands in his robe pockets, then started walking away backwards, still smiling at Sev.

"There's a tree," Sev warned, pointing.

James froze and looked over his shoulder—there were, of course, no imminent trees in his path. "Berk," James said, then he smiled and walked away properly, calling over his shoulder, "See you at noon!"

Sev crossed his arms and leaned against his tree, watching Potter until he was out of sight. Then he sat back down and picked up his Potions magazine, but eventually put it down after staring at the same page for fifteen minutes.

He gave in and stared out towards the shimmering lake instead, contemplating the unlikely yet promising turn things had taken. If it turned out that Potter wasn't sincere or if he grew bored and left, it wasn't like Sev would actually lose anything, since life would just return to the status quo—and if Potter was indeed sincere about being his friend, the next two years at Hogwarts would be drastically better. Really, Severus rationalized, it was a no-lose situation. Unless one counted hope as something lost, but in Sev's experience hope had never counted for much anyway.

Even so, he couldn't quite extinguish the spark of hope that flared to life when he recalled the warmth of James' embrace and the unguarded, affectionate smile he'd given Sev as he walked away.

~ * ~ * ~ * ~

**A/N: ****In case you're interested, this fic is going to detail James/Sev/Lily's backstory from my Harrymort fic "The Mirror of Eidrokcuf" but obviously you don't have to read that one to read this one. Also, it's only going to be compliant with Eidrokcuf up to a certain point, because in my other fic things fell apart for the trio in seventh year and canon proceeded as written afterwards :( however, this fic WILL have a happy/hopeful ending :)**

**Thank you for reading, and as always, comments and con-crit are very welcome!**


	2. chapter 2

**A/N: **

Thank you so much for the kudos and lovely comments! I appreciate them all, and I'm thrilled that so many people are enjoying this story, especially with it being such a rare-pair.

You might've noticed that I made a slight edit to chapter 1—originally I implied that Sev hadn't studied Legilimency much yet, but I changed that a bit. He can read emotions and the occasional strong surface thought, but he hasn't studied Legilimency *in-depth* just yet, so there won't be any deep dives or memory-invading for a while.

Warnings for this chapter: Sev's thoughts about his abuse and his negative attitude towards himself might be triggering if you've been in a similar situation.

Also, just a heads-up, this is a mostly fun and fluffy chapter (maybe 70/30 on the fluff to angst ratio) but things are going to get dark next time, so savor it :)

Enjoy!

~ * ~ * ~ * ~

James Potter was having a crisis.

Ever since Evans had told him Sev's secret the night before, he'd been struggling with the revelation that up until now,_he_had been the bloody villain of the story despite always thinking of himself as the hero. He was the one who had started teasing and hexing Severus in first year. He was the one who'd started calling him Snivellus until it caught on. He was the one who'd started most of their fights—at least until he'd been a prat often enough for Severus to hate him and start occasionally taking the initiative to hex James first.

All these years, he'd been bullying a boy whose own father routinely beat the shit out of him—a boy who, from what Sev had implied earlier, went home on each of the holiday breaks specifically to_let_ his father beat the shit out of him in order to give his mother a bit of a reprieve. James hadn't been able to resist hugging Severus after hearing that. He still couldn't entirely wrap his head around the concept of someone beating their wife and child—he believed Sev that it happened, of course, but he didn't_understand_ it. Why would a man abuse the people he was supposed to love? His own family? And if he didn't love them, why not just leave instead of making everyone miserable?

James sighed heavily, staring at the wall across from him—after he'd left Severus by the lake, he'd headed to the Quiddich pitch and flown for an hour or so, trying to clear his mind. It didn't work, so afterwards he'd headed back to the spot by the lake, but by that time Severus had already left. A quick check of the Marauders' Map showed Sev in the dungeons heading toward the Slytherin common room. (Back when they'd created the Map, Peter had transformed into a rat and followed students from the other three houses in order to document the locations of their common rooms—James simply hadn't felt the need last night to correct Sev's assumption that he didn't know where the entrance to Slytherin was.)

Disappointed, James had walked back to the castle alone. His mood had taken a nosedive and he'd sat himself down in a corner of the Entrance Hall where he was partially concealed by the staircase. Then he'd given in to the impulse to stare at the wall and brood. He wasn't quite sure how long ago that was.

"There you are," a voice said from above him.

He glanced up to find Remus leaning over the railing of the stairs.

"Go away, I'm brooding," James said.

Remus snorted. "I can tell. I heard your melodramatic sighing from the top of the stairs."

"I'm allowed to be melodramatic," James replied, affecting a haughty tone, "I'm having a crisis."

Remus grimaced, then tried to force a smile and said, "Yeah, about that…"

James raised an eyebrow, but instead of answering, Remus continued down the stairs and then joined James in his hiding spot, sitting on the ground beside him.

"What about it?" James asked again, this time using his words instead of his eyebrows.

Remus sighed, then said, "You, my friend, have an unfortunate habit of seeing things as black or white, and seeing people as either all-good or all-evil."

James shrugged, "So?"

"So, I'm dying to know what happened to make you re-categorize Snape, of all people."

"Can't tell you."

Remus raised an eyebrow, but James just held his gaze impassively until Remus sighed and gave up. "Fine, but you should know that Sirius is in an uproar. He thinks you're going to adopt Snape like you did Peter and he said, I quote, 'I'll run away from civilization and spend the rest of my life as a dog if Prongs tries to make that greasy git a fifth Marauder'."

James snorted. "Adopt him?" he echoed incredulously, since that was the most ridiculous part of that bundle of nonsense.

Remus didn't laugh. "Oh yes," he said very seriously, "you've gone full mama-bear and it's not subtle at all."

"I'm not a mama bear," James spluttered, "I'm not a mama anything. I'm like, an alpha wolf or something."

Remus snorted. "Right, okay," he said, with an indulgent sort of sarcasm.

James laughed too, realizing the irony. "Okay, I'm not the wolf in the room," he conceded. "But I'm not 'adopting' anyone either, don't be ridiculous."

Remus raised an eyebrow and said, "You did with Peter. And with me—back in first year, you saw us being ostracized or bullied, and because_you_thought we didn't deserve it, your response to the injustice was to shower us with friendship and protectiveness until everyone got the message. It's kind of turning into a pattern for you."

James stared down at his knees and said, "Yeah, well, this time I'm trying to make up for my own bullying."

"And I really, really respect that—I'm just curious as to what brought it on."

"I can't tell you," James repeated, adding, "literally cannot tell you."

Remus frowned, then asked, "Could Snape tell me?"

"He could, I suppose. But he won't."

"So," Remus said, considering it for a moment, "whatever happened with him, you made some kind of binding magical promise not to talk about it?"

"Got it in one," James said, grinning. "This is why you're the smart one, Moony."

"All right," Remus said, ignoring the flattery and looking concerned. "I'll leave it alone, but you should really try to smooth things over with Sirius. Come on," he said, standing up and gesturing for James to follow. "He's up in the common room with Peter."

"Fine," James said, standing. "Wait, what time is it? I'm supposed to meet Sev at noon—we're going to have lunch in the kitchens."

Remus's eyebrows went up, but he cast a quick Tempus and relayed, "Eleven forty-five."

James frowned, then shook his head and said, "Sorry, I'll have to catch Padfoot later, okay?" It would take fifteen minutes just to get all the way up to Gryffindor Tower. "And, could you maybe not mention any of this to him for now?"

Remus gave him a long, searching look, then finally sighed and said. "All right."

James grinned and clapped him on the shoulder. "You're the best, Mooney. I'll nick some of those biscuits you like from the kitchens."

Remus forced a smile that didn't quite reach his eyes, which still shone with concern, then he started to walk away, throwing a cryptic "Just be careful, all right?" over his shoulder.

"Yeah, yeah," James said, waving him off. What was he supposed to be worried about, a food fight? He rather thought he and Sev were past that sort of thing by now.

~ * ~ * ~ * ~

Severus Snape was having second thoughts.

After Potter had left him by the lake, Sev had sat back down against the tree and ruminated on the situation for what felt like ages before finally standing and heading back to the castle. That tiny bit of hope that he'd felt had transformed into something like anticipation before coming full circle and returning to doubt.

What the hell had he been thinking, telling Potter all of those details? It had been freeing, in the moment, to finally just_tell_ someone—he had never even gone into specifics with Lily about just how badly his father injured him and his mother, preferring to brush it off and say 'he was in a bad mood' or 'he didn't like my attitude' and letting the bruises speak for themselves. Sev always felt the need to shield her from the worst of it—she was the one bright spot in his life, and he felt like talking to her about the abuse would somehow taint her with his own darkness, and he didn't want to expose her to that. Lily was the kindest and most empathetic person Sev had ever met, and knowing more of the details would only hurt her. He knew she wasn't stupid or unobservant, but he still felt obligated to downplay or outright hide how bad things were. Beyond that, his pride didn't want to admit just how vulnerable he was against a filthy Muggle drunkard.

It was different with Potter—he didn't give a shit about Potter's opinion of him, and it wasn't like Potter had had any respect for him to lose in the first place, so Sev had nothing to lose by confiding the truth now that Potter was bound by Oath not to reveal anything about Sev's home life. There was no relationship to ruin, no reputation to preserve—Potter had treated him like garbage for years, had seen him at his worst and his most vulnerable (and had often been the reason he was in that state). Sev also didn't feel bad at all if his confessions increased Potter's guilt for bullying him—Potter deserved to feel guilty for all of that, now that he'd apparently developed a conscience. Shockingly though, Potter seemed to gain respect for him the more Sev opened up. It was surprising but…nice…Sev thought, to have someone recognize the strength in his weakest moments—to hold him and call him brave and praise him for always fighting back. It was new and surprising and nice and probably too good to be true.

Nevertheless, he would take full advantage of it while it lasted.

When Severus reentered the castle and made his way back to the Slytherin common room, he was tentatively planning on a shower since he'd skipped it this morning in his hurry to race down to breakfast. He had a nagging, infuriating need to make sure that his hair was clean just in case Potter took the liberty of running his hands through it again. Severus stubbornly refused to examine his own motivation too deeply, telling himself that it was only pride and it was absolutely not even the smallest iota of any kind of attraction. Severus refused to give that kind of power to the boy who had made his school life miserable for years, and he had no intention of breaking his years-long denial regarding the obvious fact that Potter was bloody hot—besides, Potter was famously, obnoxiously infatuated with Lily and would never look twice at Severus that way. Not that Sev gave a damn, of course.

He shook his head, trying to clear away the absolutely moronic turn his thoughts had taken. He lingered just inside the entrance to the common room, which appeared empty, but voices off to the right proved otherwise. Never one to turn down an opportunity to eavesdrop for valuable information, Severus remained out of sight and silently stepped closer to the wall that divided the antechamber from the rest of the common room.

"It's an honor, Cissy, the highest honor to bear the Dark Mark. You should be proud of him." Bellatrix Black, clearly talking to her youngest sister. Bellatrix was a seventh year and wouldn't be back, while Narcissa was in Sev's year. The middle sister, Andromeda, was also in Slytherin, a year above Sev and Narcissa, but it seemed that she wasn't around for this conversation.

"Proud of him?" Narcissa returned, "I barely know him. I only met him twice before our families arranged the betrothal," she said, and Sev put together that they were talking about Lucius Malfoy, who had been a fifth year prefect when Sev and Narcissa started Hogwarts, "and now he's pledged himself to this, this—"

"Careful how you speak of the Dark Lord, Cissy," Bellatrix said, dark fanaticism dripping from her tone. "He is the future of our world."

Narcissa sniffed and said, "I don't see what's so wrong with the way our world is now. We're Purebloods, we have money, we have status, we have every advantage—"

"We have to hide from filthy Muggle animals! We're not allowed to just exterminate them like the pests they are. We have to let their Mudblood spawn into our world where they try to uproot all of our traditions—"

"Have you taken the Mark as well, then?" Narcisa interjected.

"Not yet," Bellatrix said, and Sev could hear the smile in her tone. "But now that I'm done with this place, I will as soon as we get home. I've met with one of his recruiters already. In fact," Bellatrix paused, and there was a slight rustling of fabric before she continued, "here. Take one—it's his recruiter's card."

"Bella, I don't want to get involved in—"

Bellatrix interrupted fiercely, "Your betrothed is in his inner circle, Cissy. You're involved!"

Severus paused, considering the benefits and consequences of making himself known—he had only intended to eavesdrop, but if Bellatrix had a way to contact the Dark Lord's recruiter…

He cleared his throat and stepped around the corner, into sight. "You might want to practice subtlety, Bellatrix, if you intend to be of any use to the Dark Lord. Imagine if some Light muggle-loving idiot had overheard you instead of me."

Bellatrix gave Severus a cutting smile, and said, "What's it to you, Sevvy-poo?"

"I intend to join him as well—and don't call me that," Severus said, glaring.

"Oh, so sorry," she simpered, "what should I call you then? Your Highness, the Half-blood Prince?" she mocked, giving him an exaggerated, sarcastic curtsy. "You're in luck, actually—apparently the Dark Lord doesn't mind taking half-bloods. That recruiter, Tom, was a half blood—such a pity too, he was absolutely gorgeous."

Severus kept his temper under control and didn't respond to her jibes, instead saying, "If Narcissa doesn't want that card, I'll gladly take it."

"Oh, will you now?" Bellatrix said, letting out a high-pitched giggle that grated on Sev's nerves. She tilted her head down in a creepy manner and simply smirked at him for a long moment before saying, "As it happens," and taking several steps closer to him, "he asked me if anyone else at Hogwarts showed both talent and an interest in joining up." She stepped uncomfortably close to Severus before finally stopping and holding up the business card. "I already gave him your name. Among others."

"You have my gratitude," Severus said.

Severus reached up to take the card but Bellatrix jerked it back out of reach, and said, "If this falls into the wrong hands, you won't enjoy the consequences. You do know I have a cursed knife, right? No wound made with it can be healed by magic, and it always… leaves… a scar."

"Even the bloody Gryffindors know about your knife—you certainly brag about it often enough."

Bellatrix grinned and finally handed him the card, allowing him to take it this time. "Once you're ready to meet with Tom, all you have to do," she instructed, "is flip it over and write him a message. The cards are charmed so he can write you back on the same one. He'll reply if he's available and if he's interested."

Severus looked down at the card in his hands—it was silky, expensive cardstock, but it contained only a single word—the name Tom, no last name, embossed on the card in slightly raised golden cursive letters. "Is this a joke?" Severus asked, suddenly dubious despite being able to feel the magic radiating off the card.

"No joke, Sevvy," Bellatrix said. "Our handsome mister Tom, if that's even his real name, likes his anonymity. He also said that he's willing to trade favors, if anyone has a Dark or illegal or magically interesting problem that they need help with."

"And what kind of favors does he expect in return?"

Bellatrix shrugged. "He said it would depend on each situation."

Severus raised an eyebrow, thinking that only someone truly desperate would take that kind of deal. He tucked the card safely into a pocket of his robes, then repeated, "Thank you, Bellatrix."

She waved it off, finally stepping away towards the door. "Don't make me regret it, Your Highness," she said turning to sarcastically curtsy again before skipping out into the antechamber.

Severus turned back to Narcissa, who had her arms folded and was giving Severus a concerned look. "You really intend to join him?" she asked.

"Of course I do," Severus said. Narcissa was his closest Slytherin friend—for a long time, before he and Lily had drifted apart this year, Narcissa had been his only Slytherin friend. He'd gradually won over some of the others through the years by helping with their Defense and Potions homework and by sharing the spells he routinely invented—Levicorpus and Muffliato in particular were very popular. A few more Slytherin yearmates, the ones Lily called evil, had warmed a bit towards him over the course of fifth year after he'd started spending less time with Lily in public.

"Severus," she started, and he could tell by her tone she was going to try to talk him out of it.

"Narcissa," he countered, "that argument you made for the world being fine the way it is? All you did was describe Pureblood privilege. It's fine for_you_, not for the rest of us. Things need to change, and the Dark Lord seems to be the best hope for that."

Narcissa huffed and said, "Change isn't always a good thing, Severus. But I hope you find whatever you're looking for." She gave him a regretful look, then walked away towards the girls' dorms.

Severus slipped his hand into his robe pocket, tracing his fingers along the smooth card, and he smiled. This was his ticket out—his ticket to a future where he would never again be under the thumb (or fists) of a filthy muggle, a future where wizards would rule and not have to hide or cower. A future where, hopefully, no more magical children would ever have to grow up the way he did.

He turned and headed towards the boys' dorms, casting a quick Tempus as he walked. Damn. It was eleven thirty. He was supposed to meet Potter at noon. He hurried to the boys' lavatory and quickly showered and washed his hair, hitting it with a drying charm before redressing and heading back out.

He made it up to the entrance hall ten minutes past noon, and found a dejected looking James Potter sitting on the stairs. Potter was getting some odd looks from other students walking past on their way to the Great Hall, but he didn't seem to notice or care—as always, Potter was the center of his own world and everyone else was just part of the scenery.

Severus cleared his throat as he approached, and Potter's head snapped up—James looked surprised then relieved for an instant, then he gave Severus a blinding grin. Severus' steps faltered for a second, and he reminded himself aggressively '_I am not attracted to James bloody Potter. He's not attractive. Not at all. That smile does nothing to me. Compartmentalize, damn it!'_

Out loud, Severus said in a mildly apologetic tone, "I hope you didn't think I'd stood you up." Then he mentally winced because that made it sound like this was a date. Which it absolutely wasn't.

"Pfft, of course not," James said in an overly-casual unconcerned tone that was obviously fake.

"Uh-huh," Sev said dubiously.

James rolled his eyes and admitted, "Okay, fine, I was worried. But you're here now, so come on," he said, offering his elbow to Severus like some old-fashioned gentleman.

Severus eyed it and said flatly, "No."

James pouted—actually bloody pouted—at him, but then relented and dropped his arm. Instead, he jerked his head towards a door on the other side of the entrance hall and started walking towards it. Severus followed him—it was a staircase leading down beneath the Great Hall, which let out into an underground corridor that was brightly lit and contained several food-themed paintings.

Potter marched up to a huge painting of a bowl of fruit, then reached up and tickled the pear, which giggled before turning into a doorknob. James opened the portrait/door, and gestured for Sev to go in first.

Severus raised an eyebrow but stepped through—and his jaw dropped. The room was enormous, with a high ceiling and four huge tables that seemed to match the House tables in the Great Hall. Pots and pans hung on the stone walls, and a small group of house-elves were standing next to a large fireplace while dozens of others cooked food and worked on various tasks in the background.

"Master James!" one of the house-elves squeaked, stepping towards them. "What can Molkey be getting you and your friend?"

James smiled at the elf, who nearly swooned, and said, "Two butterbeers to start with, my good man."

"Right away, sir," the elf squeaked, rushing off to another part of the kitchen.

Severus gave James a questioning look, to which James replied, "What? Never seen a house-elf before?"

"I've never seen anyone talk to one like that before," he said, recalling how condescending and cruel Lucius Malfoy had been to his house-elf on the occasions he'd called him to Hogwarts. What was the elf's name again? Flobby, or Grobby or something like that? Severus couldn't quite remember.

James shrugged, and said, "They're more helpful when you're a little bit nice to them. You can't be_too_nice though, or it fucks with their heads and they'll start crying. Uncomfortable for everyone." James took a seat at the edge of what would've been the Ravenclaw table—neutral territory, Sev noted with amusement—and Severus sat down across from him just as Molkey returned with their drinks.

"Two butterbeers for Sirs. Do Sirs want something to eat too?"

James answered, "You know what, Molkey, can I just get like a huge plate of macaroni and cheese? I've been craving it for ages."

"Of course, Master James." Molkey turned to Severus and asked, "And Master James's friend is wanting food?"

"Er, yes," Severus said, trying to think of something that sounded good but was also a bit classier than 'a huge plate of macaroni and cheese'. "How about, Fettuccine Alfredo with chicken and broccoli, and garlic bread on the side?"

"Molkey will bring it right away!" the elf said, scurrying off again.

James glanced at Sev and asked, "You like Italian?"

Severus nodded. "My favorite."

"Noted," James said, smiling a little.

The responding flutter in Sev's stomach was absolutely just hunger and nothing else, because this was not a date, and Potter was not attractive, and Sev was not even having these thoughts in the first place.

"Your hair looks nice," Potter said out of nowhere, causing Sev to choke on the sip of Butterbeer he'd just taken.

"Fuck off," Sev said once he'd caught his breath.

"I mean it," Potter said, looking hurt.

"So do I," Sev snapped. "Just call me greasy if you're going to mock me, don't give me fake compliments." He was more stung than he cared to admit by Potter's apparent return to his old self.

"I'm not mocking you," James insisted, his cheeks turning red as he stubbornly repeated, "you look nice."

"Don't bother. I'm well aware of how I look, Potter," Sev said, convinced that 'nice' wasn't even in the same time zone.

James frowned and opened his mouth to argue again, but Molkey arrived at that moment with their food, placing it carefully on the table before seeming to sense the tension and making himself scarce.

Severus picked up his fork and stabbed a piece of chicken, shoving it into his mouth and deliberately keeping his eyes on his plate rather than his companion—which turned out to be a mistake because as soon as Sev's mouth was occupied, Potter raised his wand.

"I swear on my magic that I wasn't mocking you just now and I really do think you look nice," Potter said in a rush.

Severus froze for half a second, then furiously finished chewing and swallowed his bite. "You fucking idiot! I told you to stop doing that, and now you've gone and—"

James interrupted him with a smug and deliberate "Lumos," which lit up the entire room until he cancelled it.

Severus blinked and felt another one of those stomach-flutters that was definitely just hunger or indigestion or something. "Fine," he grumbled after a moment. "Whatever. Everyone knows your eyesight is shit."

James put his wand away and asked, "How long will I have to keep doing that before you'll trust me?"

"Forever," Severus snapped.

"Forever it is, then," James said decisively, giving him a crooked smile before finally taking a bite of his macaroni.

Sev rolled his eyes and returned his attention to his plate. Indigestion, he told himself—that feeling was definitely just indigestion.

The two of them ate in silence for a few tense minutes before James awkwardly tried to make conversation. "So, er, what's your favorite class?"

Sev raised a critical eyebrow at him. "Can't you guess?"

"Er, Potions?"

"Close second," Sev said. "It's Defense."

"Oh," James said, nodding. "That makes sense. You_are_great with hexes," he added, smiling wryly.

"I know," Severus said blithely, attempting to give Potter a taste of his own arrogance, but Potter seemed unfazed.

"And, er, who's your favorite Quiddich team?"

Sev gave Potter a flat look and said, "I don't care enough about Quiddich to have a team. What's with the interrogation, Potter?"

James ran a hand through his messy hair and said, "I dunno, I just realized I don't really know that much about you."

Severus blinked, then gave Potter a pointed look and said, "You know more about me than most people do."

"Well, yeah, but that's stuff that happened to you, it's not who you are."

"Neither is a favorite Quiddich team," Sev argued, because what Potter said had hit him right in the feelings, and he felt like if he didn't argue then he was going to leap across the table and hug Potter, which was just unacceptable.

Potter huffed out a frustrated breath and said, "Look, I'm trying, all right?"

"I know," Severus said softly, "and it's appreciated." James looked up, caught Severus' eyes and smiled. Before the moment could get too heavy, Sev asked as a distraction, "So what's_your_favorite Quiddich team?" and then finished his plate of fettuccine while Potter ranted at length on the superiority of the Holyhead Harpies.

Severus tuned out the words, since the Quiddich terms and name-drops meant nothing to him. He pretended to listen, but instead he watched the way the candlelight played across the planes of James' face as he talked and the way the light glinted off his glasses and also his fork when he mimicked a Quiddich move using the fork as a miniature broom. The way his hazel eyes lit up with enthusiasm, and the way his face was so expressive that Sev didn't even need Legilimency to know how James felt about what he was saying. The way he threw lingering glances at Sev during the pauses when James would stop talking to take a bite of macaroni.

During one of those pauses, James finally seemed to realize that Sev wasn't engaged by the Quiddich talk, so he cleared his throat and changed direction, saying, "Can I ask you something personal?"

Severus shrugged, and said, "Tread carefully if you don't want to get hexed."

James seemed to second-guess himself, but then he gathered up his courage and pushed on anyway. "Why did you and Evans split up?"

Severus tensed, frowned at Potter, and said, "That's a bit too personal."

"I just—it wasn't because of me, right?"

"How could it possibly have been because of you?" Sev asked, brows raised, wondering whether Potter's narcissism truly knew no bounds.

"I meant, because of what I did to you, after OWLs, and what you said to her," he said, stumbling through the words and avoiding Sev's eyes.

Sev stared at him for a long moment, waiting until Potter dared a glance up and then reaching out with Legilimency to skim his surface emotions—guilt, regret, concern. Severus broke eye contact and finally answered, "It was long before that. Things got too serious over the summer, and I started pulling away after term started. It was my fault. I didn't want her to feel like she was stuck with me and end up regretting it years from now. She deserves better."

James gave him a look of disbelief and asked, "Better than her best friend who's too selfless to keep dating her because—why again?"

"Fuck off, Potter," Sev snapped, regretting telling him anything. "If I was selfless I never would've let it get that far in the first place." He'd known deep down that it wouldn't last, that he was doomed to fuck it up eventually—life never seemed to let Severus have anything good for long—so he'd grasped on desperately to his chance for temporary happiness during that one perfect summer with Lily. He didn't regret a second of it. "And don't mistake what I said for giving you my blessing, because she deserves better than you too."

"I wasn't—where are you going?"

Sev stood to leave, storming away towards the door.

James caught up with him right as he started pulling it open, and he reached over Sev's shoulder to shove the door shut again, leaving his arm there and leaning his weight against the door. A thrill of adrenaline mixed with a little bit of fear shot through Severus as he turned around and pressed his back to the door to face Potter, who was now standing entirely too close.

"Move," Sev demanded.

"Not until you calm down," Potter replied.

Severus glared up at him, catching his eyes and skimming his mind again—curiosity, frustration, confusion, concern, and…something oddly possessive. Sev's brows furrowed and he snapped back, "Not until I tell you all my secrets, you mean?" Potter still hadn't moved his arm or stepped away and the proximity was beyond distracting.

"What? No, I just—don't understand."

Of course he didn't, and bloody Potter was like a dog with a bone once something caught his attention. Sev sighed and looked down at the ground, and finally said, "She told me she loved me." Potter didn't say anything for so long that Sev looked back up only to find him wearing an expression somewhere between confusion and pity.

"Why is that a bad thing?" James finally asked.

Sev glared at James for being difficult on purpose, and as if speaking to a toddler he enumerated, "Love means that you stay with someone no matter their faults—it means you forgive them no matter what they do—it means you put their happiness before your own—"

James interrupted, "Again, why is that a bad thing?"

"Because it's a trap," Severus drawled in his best you're-an-imbecile tone.

"Not if it's mutual, which it obviously is—"

Sev let out a hollow laugh and said, "Perhaps, but have you ever heard the expression that we're all doomed to turn into our parents?"

"You're not your dad," James immediately said. "You wouldn't hurt her."

"Haven't I already?" Sev asked, his tone dripping with self-loathing. "I called her—" he trailed off because he couldn't bring himself to say 'Mudblood' out loud. He'd already sworn to himself that he'd never say it again after the incident by the lake.

"That was my fault, Sev, if I hadn't pushed you so far—"

Severus reached up with both hands and shoved Potter away hard. "The world doesn't revolve around you, Potter! I'm the one who fucking said it, it doesn't matter what—"

Potter stepped in close again and Severus flinched, expecting a blow. Instead, he was pulled against Potter's chest in another insistent hug.

"Stop doing that," Severus said, but he immediately contradicted himself by hugging back, grasping fistfuls of Potter's robes to keep him in place.

"Sure," Potter said, "as soon as you stop needing it."

"Prick," Sev muttered into Potter's shoulder.

"Drama queen," Potter returned.

"Oh, fuck right off," Sev said, an involuntary huff of laughter escaping him. "Bloody hypocrite."

James hummed in agreement. "Maybe," he said, "but I do give the best hugs."

Severus smiled unseen, then bit his lip when Potter's hand found its way into Sev's hair again. By some kind of silent agreement they allowed their previous argument to drop, and neither tried to pick it back up.

"You went and washed your hair, didn't you?" James asked after a few moments of stroking his fingers through it, sounding slightly amused.

"Sod off," Sev said, embarrassed. He pulled away from the embrace and was halfway disappointed when Potter let him.

With his face no longer pressed against Potter's chest, Sev finally noticed that they'd acquired a rather large audience of house-elves, all anxiously standing a few meters away. James, wearing a slight blush, followed Sev's line of sight and blinked when he noticed the elves.

"Er, everything's fine," James told them awkwardly. "As you were."

Molkey stepped forward from the group and apprehensively asked, "Will sirs be returning for dinner?"

Potter looked embarrassed and on the verge of saying no, so Sev piped up and said, "Absolutely, we will."

James blinked, then smiled and asked, "Wait, really?"

Sev bit his lip and shrugged one shoulder. "Why not? We haven't killed each other yet." He paused, then smirked and added, "We might as well keep trying."

Molkey let out a distressed squeak at that.

"He's joking," Potter tossed over his shoulder at the crowd of house-elves, "we're not going to kill each other."

Sev quirked an eyebrow and teased, "Famous last words, Potter," before giving him an expectant look and then reaching backwards to open the door and slip out into the hallway.

~ * ~ * ~ * ~

James Potter was having another crisis.

Two crises in one day—that had to be some kind of record. It was of small comfort to him that he'd proved to be the best at crisis-having just like he was the best at everything else he did.

This particular crisis hinged on the fact that James had, during their perfectly platonic former-enemies-turned-friends lunch, started to Notice things about Sev. He'd blurted out that Sev's hair looked nice before he'd even had time to process his own thought. And it did look nice—sleek and jet-black and very touchable—James had wanted to run his fingers through it again and see if it was still as soft as it had been this morning. After the drama of swearing once again on his magic (how many times was that now? He should start keeping count, because he was probably setting a record with that too), it was Sev's eyes that he noticed. They were so dark and deep, and so expressive except when Severus did that thing where he closed himself off and forced his face into a blank expression—what was that about, anyway? And sometimes when Severus gave him that particularly intense, searching look, James swore he felt some kind of connection to him, like those dark eyes were somehow looking right into him. After the eyes, James had ruminated on Sev's very noticeable nose and concluded that while it was too big, somehow it just suited him, and it in no way deserved the amount of mockery James had mercilessly heaped on it in the past.

It was about that time that James caught himself and realized what he was doing (checking out Severus, what the hell?) and also realized that he had absolutely no right to do it after the way he'd treated Severus in the past. It wasn't like Sev would ever think of him that way anyway—most likely, all he would ever see when he looked at James was a bully, no matter how hard James tried to make up for it. And aside from all of that, they were both still hung up on Lily Evans—Sev was obviously still in love with her, and James' crush on her hadn't gone anywhere.

Then, of course, James had gone and stuck his foot in his mouth by bringing up Evans, and (in for a Knut, in for a Galleon, he'd decided) trying to talk Sev out of his belief that love was something terrible. James still wasn't sure how they'd gone from cautiously friendly to shouting at each other to hugging again over the course of one lunch—like every other interaction he'd had with Severus, it seemed like James just couldn't help but push. It was a much less violent kind of pushing this time, but it still originated from that irrational, persistent draw that he had always felt towards Severus—the draw that had led to targeted bullying and hexing in the past, but which now seemed to lead to increasingly personal conversations and magical Oaths and hugs.

But even now as James followed Severus out of the kitchens, rushing to catch up with him, the moment felt haunted by other, crueler moments when he had chased Severus through the corridors. He caught up to Severus and fell into step beside him, shoving his hands into his pockets and looking away from the playful glance Sev shot at him.

"Uh-oh," Sev said when James looked away, "what's that look for?"

"Hmm?" James asked, playing dumb. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Sev giving him another sharper look, studying his expression.

"If you don't want to have dinner, then just forget about it," Severus finally said, seeming to interpret James' sudden reticence and aura of regret as a rejection.

"What? No! I mean, yes," James said, "I do want to."

"Then why are you suddenly so," he waved a hand vaguely at James, seeming unable to settle on the right word.

James shrugged, then decided that honesty would probably be best. "Just remembering the other times I've chased after you through the corridors," he said regretfully.

"Ah."

"I_am_sorry, Sev—"

"Potter," Severus interrupted, "just stop bringing it up, all right? I'm willing to try to move past it, but I need to be able to compartmentalize."

"Compartmentalize?"

Severus rolled his eyes but explained, "The way you treated me before we took the Wizard's Oath? I pack all of that away and focus on the present. It's as close as we can get to a fresh start. Don't waste it."

"I won't," James promised. "But, how do you do that? Just forget everything I did?"

"I don't forget, I just push it to the background until it's like it happened to someone else. Occlumency helps."

"Occlumency?" The word sounded vaguely familiar, like something he'd heard or read about at one point, and it took James a moment to place it. "You can do Occlumency? Wait—you were using Legilimency on me earlier, weren't you? I thought I felt something."

Severus froze and stopped walking, looking apprehensive. "I—"

"That is so awesome!" James said. "Can you teach me?"

"What?"

"I mean, I think it's technically illegal, but I won't tell if you won't," James said, giving him an encouraging smile.

Severus stared at him for a long moment before hesitantly asking, "You're not—upset?"

James shrugged and said, "I mean, it's an invasion of privacy, but the way I see it you owe me a few, so," he trailed off, then asked his own hesitant question. "You weren't—upset—by what you found?" He didn't quite dare believe it, but there had been a few moments where it felt like Sev had been, well, almost flirting with him—maybe Sev miraculously didn't mind that James had been Noticing him.

Severus studied his expression for a moment before admitting, "I'm not far enough along to get more than prominent emotions and the occasional surface thought. Why? What did you think I found?"

"Nothing," James blurted, much too quickly. Severus raised an eyebrow at him. James thought fast, knowing that if he admitted to checking Severus out then Sev would once again assume he was mocking him. "Er, well," he said, trying to buy himself time to think, "you know. Just… Marauder secrets. Pranks we've pulled, that kind of thing."

Severus' eyebrow remained raised, and he turned away wearing a dubious expression. Now that he'd brought it up though, James actually_was_ thinking about some of the wilder pranks the Marauders had pulled, and of the way they'd always grown closer as friends after getting away with some crazy stunt. He only had the rest of today and then the train ride tomorrow to make the best of his fresh start with Severus—what if..?

"We should do something crazy," James blurted out.

Severus looked at him again. "Aren't we already, just by trying to get along?"

"No, I mean—let's sneak out to Hogsmeade," he suggested as the idea struck him.

Both of Sev's eyebrows went up. "How? And why?"

"Because we can," James answered, "and I might know two different secret passages that lead out to Hogsmeade."

"Secret passages," Sev repeated, his tone darkening.

"Er," shit, he hadn't thought this through, "yeah. You already know about one of them."

Severus glared and said, "You're making it very difficult to compartmentalize at the moment, Potter."

"We'll use the other one, then," James said quickly, taking Sev by the arm and leading him towards the stairs, "Come on. It's on the third floor."

Severus miraculously didn't protest or pull away, and he allowed James to usher him up the stairs into the entrance hall, then up the moving staircases to the third floor, then to a rather unassuming statue of a one-eyed hump-backed witch.

"Er," James said, hesitating. Normally he had his Invisibility Cloak whenever he used this particular passage, but going back to get it from his dorm would probably mean running into Sirius and having to placate him and then having to invent a believable reason to go off alone again with the Cloak. "Are you any good at Disillusionment charms?"

Severus gave him an amused look, then drew his wand and tapped his own head with it, becoming almost completely invisible as the spell trickled down.

"Whoa," James said, impressed. His own Disillusionment charms always left him kind of shadowy and still a little visible. "Do me."

A huffed laugh came from the space where he knew Severus to be, then James felt a tap on his head and a cold sensation running down the back of his neck. He shivered, then looked down and watched his hands disappear, followed by the rest of him. "Wicked," he said, smiling. "Come on," he moved around behind the statue and tapped his wand on it "Dissendium. Through here," he told Severus as the passage slid open. Once they were inside, the entrance started to close again, and James asked, "Sev? Where are you?"

"Here," Severus said, somewhere to James' left. James stuck out a hand, blindly reaching until he felt something solid. "Stop groping me, Potter," Severus said. His hand had ended up on Sev's chest, from the feel of things.

"How else am I supposed to keep track of you? This is weird." At least under the cloak, he and the Marauders could still see each other when they were sharing it. He moved his hand over until he found Sev's arm, then slid down to his wrist and held onto that instead. Severus didn't protest, so James said, "Come on, it's a bit of a walk." He pulled out his wand, which was amusingly still visible, then cast a Lumos to light their way.

"Where does this come out?" Severus asked after a few minutes of awkward silence as they walked.

"Honeydukes' cellar."

"Has Gryffindor's golden boy been stealing from the sweet shop?" Seveus teased.

"Of course not," James snapped, slightly offended, "I don't need to steal."

Sev's arm tensed a bit in James' grip. "Must be nice," he said coolly, "I wonder what that's like."

James sighed and said, "Can it be part of our fresh start that you don't automatically assume I'm having a go at you any time I put my foot in my mouth?"

"Force of habit," Severus snapped, then he went silent.

James went silent too, and figured that at least that wasn't a no. He squeezed Sev's wrist slightly, then started stroking his thumb back and forth along it in what he hoped was a comforting gesture. Severus didn't say anything, but he didn't try to pull away either.

Not long after that, they arrived at the end of the passage. James put out the Lumos, then let go of Sev and carefully climbed up to make sure the coast was clear.

"Come on," he whispered back down to Severus, "quietly now." James climbed out of the trap door and waited for Severus.

"I'm out," Severus whispered, suddenly beside him and still invisible.

"Right," James said, carefully replacing the trap door. He reached over and patted Severus' arm until he found his wrist again, then tugged him towards the staircase. "Walk as lightly as you can, and don't bump into anything," he instructed as they climbed up the stairs.

"I'm not an idiot, Potter."

"But you are new to this, so just listen to me. If we get separated just get outside, wait for me in the alleyway, and undo your Disillusionment."

"All right, can we go before someone comes down here?" Severus asked impatiently.

"Fine, get ready," James said as they reached the top of the staircase. Very slowly and very carefully, he turned the doorknob and opened the door just a crack, just enough to look out—there was no one near the cellar door, but it sounded like a few customers were browsing around the corner. "Let's go," he whispered to Sev, opening the door and slipping through, pulling Severus along. "Close it, quietly," he instructed, and Severus complied.

James tiptoed forward, careful not to bump into any racks of candy. The shopkeeper was ringing up a purchase for an elderly woman, so James paused right next to the door, squeezing Severus' wrist to silently tell him to wait. The woman slowly made her way to the door, and when she exited the shop, James and Sev slipped out behind her. Once they were out the door James tried to go left and Severus tried to go right, which almost ended with a slapstick fall since James still had a hold of Sev's wrist, but they both caught their balance in time.

"You imbecile," Severus hissed at him.

"You're the one who went the wrong way," James hissed back. He'd clearly said they were going to the alley to undo the Disillusionment, and the alley was to the left of the building, not the right.

"Finite Incantatum," said a somewhat gravelly female voice.

James and Severus both froze as they suddenly became visible again—the elderly witch had heard them scuffling, and was now giving them a stern but oddly amused look as she put away her wand. Her salt-and-pepper hair was pinned up in an elaborate bun, and partially hidden under a short pointed witch's hat, and her robes were a deep purple.

"Sorry ma'am," James said, "we didn't mean to frighten you."

The woman laughed. "Frighten me?" she said sarcastically, "Oh yes, I'm terrified of invisible love birds," she glanced pointedly at where James' hand was still closed around Sev's wrist. Then she glanced at the colors of their school ties, and said in a kinder tone, "House rivalries don't mean quite as much after Hogwarts, dearies. You don't have to turn invisible to hold hands."

James felt his face go red, and he started to stammer out an automatic denial, but Severus interrupted him.

"That's very kind of you, ma'am," he said smoothly, twisting his wrist out of James' grip and lacing their fingers together instead. "We don't get a lot of support, as you can imagine, and yours is very much appreciated."

The woman smiled. "What a polite young man," she said. She looked at James, pointed a finger at him, and said, "You hang onto that one, and treat him right, you hear?"

"Yes ma'am," James said. He smiled, and on impulse lifted their clasped hands to press a quick kiss to the back of Sev's hand. He didn't dare glance over to see Sev's reaction.

The woman beamed at them, clearly won over. "Oh, you're just adorable. Wait until my Esmeralda hears about you two." She held up her purchase from the store—a giant chocolate bar—and added, "It's our anniversary tomorrow."

"Congratulations," Severus said politely.

"Happy anniversary, ma'am," James added.

"Oh, enough with this ma'am business," she said, waving her hand. "My name is Gwendolyn. I won't ask yours, since you're clearly playing hooky," she said with a knowing look. "That secret passage was old when I was a girl—you would think the owners would've caught on by now," she added, shaking her head. "Oh well. I'd best finish my errands before this chocolate melts. Have fun, boys," she said, winking as she turned to go.

"Right, thanks," James said, a bit stunned.

"It was nice to meet you, Gwendolyn," Severus said—his tone said that he genuinely meant it, and his expression said that he was surprised that he genuinely meant it.

"You too, dearies," she called over her shoulder, then she walked away and merged into the crowd of other shoppers.

"Well," James said, "that was fun. Come on, sweetheart," he teased, starting to walk away and tugging Severus by their still-joined hands.

"Of course, darling," Severus said with an amused glint in his eyes, unfazed and apparently content to play along.

A small, rational corner of James' mind was telling him that this was risky—that he could easily blow years of keeping his orientation a secret by prancing around Hogsmeade holding hands with a bloke—but the rest of his mind was quite loudly proclaiming 'fuck it.' It felt wonderfully freeing not to hide, and it was unlikely that he'd run into anyone he knew (seeing as everyone his age was back at Hogwarts where they were supposed to be), and on top of that, it had felt a bit like a challenge when Sev had taken his hand, and James Potter did not back down from challenges.

They walked down the sidewalk in silence, hands entwined, as they passed the post office, Dervish and Banges, and Madam Puddifoot's. James grinned and nodded towards the latter, asking, "Fancy a drink, babe?"

Severus snorted and said, "Not in there, arsehole."

"Oi," James said, pretending to be offended.

"It's a term of endearment," Severus said innocently.

"Sorry, pet, I can't hear you over the sound of my heart breaking," James said melodramatically.

"Fine, honey," Severus said pointedly, "I'll have a drink with you if you take me to a proper establishment that isn't covered with doilies and kitschy crap."

"The Three Broomsticks good enough for you, love?" James asked.

"I suppose," Severus paused for a moment, then added, "sweetheart."

"We've used that one already," James immediately pointed out. "You lose."

Severus scoffed and said, "I wasn't aware this was a contest, or that we weren't allowed to repeat pet names."

"Yes you were. And you lost, darling," James said, grinning at him.

"You just repeated one," Severus pointed out.

"Doesn't matter, I already won."

Severus rolled his eyes. "Whatever. You're buying the drinks."

"Fine," James said grudgingly, even though he'd been planning to pay for drinks and whatever else they did all along.

They still hadn't let go of each other's hand.

~ * ~ * ~ * ~

Severus Snape had apparently lost his bloody mind.

He'd allowed James Potter to talk him into sneaking out of Hogwarts, pretended to be his boyfriend in front of an old lady, held his hand all the way from Honeydukes to the Three Broomsticks while they jokingly called each other pet names, then had drinks and let Potter pay as if they really were on a bloody date.

Now, of all places, they'd ended up in Gladrags trying on new clothes.

"Why are we doing this, Potter?" Severus asked under his breath as James ushered him into the fitting room yet again. They'd been in the ridiculously upscale clothing shop for over an hour now, and the shop attendant had subtly given Severus several disapproving looks, probably due to the state of his worn and slightly tattered robes. She had also given James a few dirty looks, likely because of his exuberance and the fact that despite his obvious wealth he'd only been grabbing things off the rack instead of spending more for bespoke—and he had, in fact, pulled several things off of the racks, to the point that the fitting room looked like a tornado had gone through it.

"Because I'm bored, and it's fun, and we should have something to show for our day out. Now try this on," James said, handing Severus a pair of black trousers, a dark green dress shirt, and a stylish black robe that was form-fitted at the top and which flared open at the bottom to show off one's trousers, unlike traditional robes.

"Wait—you're planning to actually buy all of this?" Severus demanded, looking at the two very large 'yes' piles that he and James had accumulated.

"Well, yeah," James said, "That's sort of the whole point."

Severus lowered his voice to a whisper and said, "I thought we were just fucking around to annoy the shop girl for giving us all of those dirty looks?"

James looked over his shoulder. "Dirty looks?"

"Don't stare at her, idiot."

"What dirty looks?"

"Never mind, don't worry about it," Severus said, closing himself into the fitting room stall. "But this is the last thing I'm trying on—don't go get more," he called through the door. There was no response. "Potter?"

Severus rolled his eyes and quickly pulled on the last outfit—he had to admit, despite himself, that the trousers were a bit tight but very flattering, and the cut of the robes was much more stylish than the drab everyday Hogwarts robes. The shirt was a few shades darker than Slytherin green but it still got the point across, and it was a lovely silky material.

Severus opened the stall door and stepped back out, but James wasn't in the fitting room anymore. Sev stepped just around the corner into the main part of the shop, and saw Potter at the counter talking to an older woman, presumably the shop's owner or manager, while the girl who'd given them the dirty looks stood to the side with her arms folded, looking chastised.

Even from five meters away, Severus could tell that James had thoroughly charmed the manager, who was fawning over him as she bagged up and shrunk their purchases. James turned around, caught sight of Sev, and did a double-take before turning back to the manager. "Ring that up too, what he's wearing. He'll wear it out."

_Will I now?_Sev thought contrarily, but he was already putting his shoes back on, secretly pleased.

"Of course, Mister Potter. And don't you and your friend worry about tidying up the fitting room—Helaina will get it, won't you, dear?" she added in a vaguely threatening tone to the shop girl.

"Yes ma'am," Helaina grumbled through a forced smile.

"Oh," Potter said, pointing to something hanging on the wall behind the counter, "and add on some of those Hogwarts robes with the automatic resizing charms. Give me three Gryffindor and three Slytherin—no, five Slytherin."

Severus froze in the process of gathering up his old clothes—five bloody auto-resizing school robes? He'd be set for the next two years of Hogwarts, with the way he made his things last. His pride was telling him to protest, to not accept such blatant charity, but his cynical side kept whispering 'take advantage, it's not going to last.' And, well, it would be terribly uncouth to start arguing over money and cause a scene in front of the employees, wouldn't it? Severus let out a breath he'd been holding, and he decided to swallow his pride and not protest the truly ungodly amount of Galleons that Potter was spending on him.

He bundled his old clothes under his arm as he walked out to the counter to stand at Potter's side. His timing was a bit unfortunate though—he was just in time to hear the manager read off the total.

"That'll be 519 Galleons and 4 Sickles, Mr. Potter."

Severus choked on air. That was—he quickly did the math to convert it—that was over 2,500 pounds! Potter glanced at him, concerned, and thumped him on the back until he caught his breath.

"Calm down," James said under his breath, "half of this stuff's mine."

"Still!" Severus hissed back. If he added up all the money that anyone had spent on him over his entire life, it probably still wouldn't come close to what Potter just dropped for him at one store.

James turned back to the counter and signed some kind of Gringotts withdrawal authorization, first with his signature and then with a drop of blood. "All done."

"Pleasure doing business with you, Mr. Potter, and I apologize again for any discomfort or inconvenience."

James waved it off, then said pointedly, "_You've_ been perfectly accommodating, and I'm just glad the commission for this sale will go to someone who deserves it." Potter didn't once look at Helaina, but she had crossed her arms and seemed to be gritting her teeth.

"Oh, you're too kind. Have a wonderful day, both of you," the manager said, still beaming at James.

James smiled back, then turned the smile on Severus and nudged him towards the door. "Come on," he said, holding the door open. He hesitated a moment, then added under his breath, "darling," as if trying to restart their game from earlier.

Severus was not in the mood. As soon as they were outside the shop, James said, "Now I know what you're going to say—"

Severus scoffed and interrupted, "I don't think you do. Forget the money—I feel obligated to tell you that what you did back there was the most Arsehole Rich Kid thing I've ever seen."

"Wait, what?"

"You really asked for the manager over a few dirty looks that you didn't even see?"

"Well, yeah," James said, seeming confused. "What's the big deal? You didn't care when you thought we were just fucking around and not going to buy anything."

"There's a difference between making more work for her and calling out the bloody manager. You might've gotten her fired, Potter. And we sort of earned the looks—you were being obnoxious and pulling a million things off the racks. And she was absolutely correct in deducing from my old robes that I couldn't afford a bloody sock from that shop."

"That doesn't give her the right to—"

"You didn't even see it though! You just went after her because of something your friend said—sound familiar, Potter?"

The flare of guilt in Potter's eyes said that yes, it did, but he still argued, "I don't know how to bloody win with you, Snape. I just bought you a whole new wardrobe and you're yelling at me because I stood up for you."

Severus sighed and rubbed a hand over his eyes. The return to surnames stung, and so did the fact that Severus had backed himself into a corner by accepting Potter's gift and giving him the 'ungrateful' card to play against him. "Look, James," he said pointedly, "I appreciate the clothes, and I appreciate the sentiment. But acting like a spoiled brat," he gestured vaguely back towards Gladrags, "is not ever going to endear you to Lily." Hopefully that, if nothing else, would get the message through Potter's thick head.

James blinked. "Right. Evans."

Severus glanced at James curiously—there was something in his tone that Sev couldn't quite place, but James was avoiding eye contact so he couldn't use Legilimency to figure it out.

"Well, anyway," Severus said after a moment, nudging James' shoulder and starting to walk again. James stuck his hands in his pockets and followed, and by mutual unspoken agreement they let the argument drop. "How about we go to Zonko's?" Severus suggested. "You've been eying it since we got here," he added, smirking, "honey."

A smile crept onto James' face. "All right, sweetheart," he replied.

Severus smiled despite himself, and they headed towards the joke shop in a slightly awkward silence.

After a moment Severus blurted out, "I usually end up working crap jobs in the summers—washing dishes, waiting tables, bagging groceries—whatever my dad can arrange easily. I've been on the other side of that back there, and it's just so bloody dehumanizing and unnecessary. Don't do it again, all right?'

"All right," James said, and he sounded sincere at least. "Owl me and let me know where you end up this summer, I'll buy everything in the store and make sure you get the commission," he added, smiling.

Severus scoffed. "You don't get commission at the places I get stuck with. And it would just end up in his liquor fund anyway—I don't get to keep anything I make. Don't bother."

"That's not fair," James protested.

"Life's not fair," Severus replied in a weary tone. He'd learned that a long time ago.

"Well," Potter said, slinging one arm around Sev's shoulders as they walked, "I could still come by and visit you at work, make sure you're doing all right," he suggested hopefully.

Severus gave him a tight smile and said, "We'll see." If he ended up at a bloody burger joint again there was no way in hell he was going to invite Potter to witness his humiliation.

"All right," James said, letting the matter drop.

His arm stayed around Sev's shoulders all the way to Zonko's.

~ * ~ * ~ * ~

By the time they left Zonko's, James Potter felt confident that he could call Operation Bond With Severus Through A Crazy Adventure officially accomplished. Aside from his faux-pas at Gladrags, the day had been a roaring success—Sev had opened up more and talked to him, they'd held hands, they had an inside joke with the pet name thing, Sev had let James spend a ridiculous amount of money on him, and he'd sort of tentatively agreed to let James visit him at work over the summer.

They stepped outside the joke shop, and James was reaching to put his arm around Sev's shoulders again—it was halfway there when Severus asked, "What time is it, anyway?" before pulling out his wand to cast a Tempus. "How the hell is it past six o'clock?" he demanded, glancing up and giving James a suspicious look when he abruptly withdrew his arm to run his hand through his own hair instead.

"Time flies when you're having fun?" James offered, smiling.

Severus raised an eyebrow at him and gave him a look that managed to be fond and sarcastic at the same time. "Yes, I'm sure that's it."

James shrugged, then said. "Well, since by the time we get back we'll have already missed dinner, we might as well eat here." Fuck it, he decided, then casually lifted his arm again and put it around Sev's shoulders. "There's a nice restaurant just down the street that has the best Italian food outside of Italy itself," he said confidently, starting to walk and tugging Severus along with him. He snuck a sideways glance and found Severus giving him an amused but dubious look.

"Does it really?"

"No idea," James admitted, which got a sharp laugh out of Sev. "But we can find out."

"Why not," Severus agreed after a moment, leaning into James' side a bit as they walked. "Won't the house elves be expecting us, though?"

"They'll probably be relieved if we don't show up," James said. "Seemed like they were a bit freaked out earlier."

"I can't imagine why," Severus said dryly.

James chuckled. "Must've been all of the hugging and the death threats."

"I didn't make any death threats," Severus said. "The most you can prove is that I made certain implications."

"Implications, right," James said, snorting a laugh. "For a minute, I forgot I was dealing with a sneaky Slytherin."

Severus didn't look at him or say anything, and as the silence stretched on, James started to worry he'd offended him. "Sev?" he finally said. "I didn't mean anything by that, I was just teasing—"

A sudden laugh interrupted him, then Severus finally looked over at him, smirking, and said, "You're too easy."

"You berk," James said, despite the wave of relief that he felt.

"Gullible Gryffindor," Sev shot back.

James huffed and looked away, sticking his nose in the air and pretending to ignore him.

Severus chuckled again and said, "You can't fool me with my own trick right after I've used it, Potter."

"It's not a trick. I'm mortally offended and I never want to see you again."

"Then why's your arm still around me?"

"Because, er—"

"Exactly," Severus said triumphantly.

James was forced to let the topic go, since they'd finally arrived at the restaurant. He was also forced to let go of Severus as they stepped inside. The restaurant, L'Échelle, was even more upscale than Gladrags, and while the maître d' gave them a raised eyebrow for their age, he nevertheless led them to a table with no questions asked, took their drink orders, and left them both with a menu.

Once seated, James raised his menu up to the side of his face as if for privacy, and stage-whispered with a completely straight face, "Hey, Sev? I don't think they have Italian here."

Severus snorted and clamped a hand over his mouth to hold in his laughter, although he still managed to draw a few disapproving looks from the table next to them. "Damn it, Potter," he said once he'd regained his composure.

"I mean it," James continued, faux-innocently, "I don't see a single Italian dish on the menu. This appears to be a French establishment."

Severus snickered again, but said, "You're like a walking Monty Python skit sometimes."

"Like a what?"

"It's a comedy group on television," he said, but James was still confused and he supposed it showed, because Sev waved it off and said, "it's a Muggle thing."

"Oh," James said. "Well, maybe you can show me sometime."

"Maybe," Severus said, but he didn't sound like he believed it would ever happen.

James cast around for something to say and blurted out, "My dad's name is Monty. Well, it's Fleamont, but he hates that so he goes by Monty. And my mum's name is Euphemia but she hates hers too and goes by Mia."

Severus smiled a little and said, "And apparently they chose to break the proverbial curse by giving you a common name, but—plot twist—you love to feel unique, so you hate it. Am I right?"

James blinked, then shrugged and said, "Well, 'hate' is a strong word."

Sev smirked and said, "Just admit it, Potter, I can see right through you."

"Yeah, speaking of which," James started, but he paused when a waiter appeared with their drinks.

"Are you ready to order?" the waiter asked, looking between the two of them.

"Er—" James hadn't actually looked at the menu since he'd sat down.

"Chicken Cordon Bleu for both of us, please," Severus said smoothly, handing his menu back to the waiter. James did likewise, mumbling a thank you as the waiter left.

"Thanks," James told Sev.

"I suppose I should've asked if you have allergies, or if you're a vegetarian."

"No, no allergies. And I'm not a vegetarian, but I won't ever eat venison," he said. "Don't ask."

Severus quirked an eyebrow at him but didn't pry. He took a drink of his butterbeer, then said, "Before I forget to ask—will you hang on to those clothes for me until next year?"

"What, all of them?" James asked.

"Yes," Sev said, studying James for a moment before seeming to decide (accurately) that he was going to ask why. He sighed, leaned forward with his arms folded on the table, and launched into a quiet explanation, "If I bring home those expensive clothes, he's either going to sell them at a consignment store or ruin them out of spite. And he'll want to know where I got them, and then he'll want me to manipulate you into buying me more expensive shit that he can resell for drinking money. Make sense?"

James sighed, then said with feeling, "I've never hated someone I've never met as much as I hate your dad, Sev."

Severus laughed, then raised his glass of butterbeer and clinked it against James' glass. "Cheers to that."

The waiter reappeared with their entrees and placed them on the table before sweeping away again.

After a moment, James cleared his throat and asked in a low, conspiratorial tone, "So, you never really gave me an answer earlier, but will you teach me Legilimency and Occlumency? I mean next year, obviously, I know we don't have time to really do anything by tomorrow."

Severus blinked. "You genuinely want to learn? It's rather advanced mind magic."

"Yes, I do," James said, then he smirked and bragged, "And I think you'll be impressed with just how advanced I can get." He wished for one wild second that he could tell Sev about being an Animagus—that would surely impress him—but it wasn't only his secret to tell.

Sev raised an eyebrow but also smirked slightly. "Careful, Potter, or I'll think you're flirting with me."

"Maybe I am," James replied, and—oh, bloody fucking hell, he did not mean to say that out loud. "I mean—er," he trailed off awkwardly.

Severus blinked and just looked at him for a moment before pasting on a smirk and saying, "Well if you are, you're not very good at it, darling."

James huffed out a laugh, half-relieved and half-disappointed that Sev had thrown him a rope by writing it off as part of their playacting. "I'm good enough for you, love, or we wouldn't be here right now, would we?" James replied, playing along.

Severus gave him a rather more serious look, studying him for a moment before quietly saying, "I suppose you're right."

"I'm always right," James insisted, picking up his fork. "Eat your food before it gets cold."

Severus rolled his eyes and said, "Yes, dear."

James ducked his head to hide his smile, then finally took a bite of his dinner.

~ * ~ * ~ * ~

After dinner, the two of them barely made it back to Honeydukes before the shop closed—Severus disillusioned himself and James in the alley, and they crept in behind a trio of drunken twenty-somethings who kept the proprietor plenty occupied while James and Severus snuck into the cellar.

The walk back through the secret passage was quiet after Potter's initial lighthearted "Come along, darling," as he entwined their hands for the invisible trek. Severus was sure his reluctance to let the night end was palpable—today had been surprisingly fun. It had felt like certain brighter carefree days of rambling around Cokeworth with Lily, but at the same time the experience had been so uniquely Potter-ish that the nostalgia never hit until the walk back—walking home in the dark with a warm hand in his own while wishing he didn't have to go was much more familiar.

Severus let go of James' hand when they arrived at the entrance, and the two of them climbed back out of the one-eyed witch statue. The statue slid closed again, and Severus muttered, "Finite," to cancel the disillusionments.

James reappeared, and glanced at Severus' empty hands before blinking at him in surprise. "Did you just do that wandlessly?"

Severus shrugged, and asked, "So?"

"So," James echoed, "it's bloody impressive."

Severus shrugged again, playing it cool, but on the inside he was preening a bit. "It wasn't a difficult spell," he said, "and it's just a matter of focusing your power differently." If he chose not to point out that he'd only consistently managed to do Finite, Accio, and the occasional Lumos wandlessly so far, that was his own business.

"Oh, is that all," James said sardonically. "Well, maybe you could teach me that along with Occlumency next year, Professor Snape," he teased, though there was a hint of a real question in his tone, since Severus still hadn't given him a definite answer.

Severus laughed and teased back, "We'll see, Mister Potter."

"Fair enough," James said. "So, er, it's getting close to curfew—I can walk you back to your common room. Maybe even properly all the way, this time?" he asked, sounding hopeful.

"I don't put out on the first date, James," Severus teased.

James blushed but returned, "Aw, you know I'd still respect you in the morning."

Severus smirked, but then asked, "What about Lily?" not believing for a second that Potter would abandon his pursuit of her for Severus, of all people.

"Well, we can invite her too if you think she'd go for it," James said with a devilish smirk.

Severus lightly slapped him on the arm and scolded, "You're incorrigible."

"Yep," Potter said, grinning and looking proud of it.

"Besides," Severus said, more seriously, "I was actually planning to walk you back."

James studied him for a moment, then said, "You're going to wait around outside the portrait for her again, aren't you?"

"Obviously."

James nodded and stuck his hands in his pockets, then said, "All right, come on. I'll wait with you," and he started walking down the corridor towards the main staircase.

Severus followed, but put up a token protest. "You don't need to do that, James, really."

"I do, actually. I'm sort of avoiding Padfoot." At Severus' raised eyebrow, James elaborated, "According to Mooney, Sirius is all up in arms because he thinks I'm trying to make you a fifth Marauder or something."

"Are you?" Severus asked, amused.

"No. Why? Do you want me to?"

"No," Severus said, not sure whether to laugh or vomit at the thought of it. "But if it'll continue to piss Black off, by all means, let him keep believing it." He paused, then smirked and added, "Consider it a prank."

"Nah," James said as they started up the moving staircases, "I'll smooth things over with him tonight. It's just—hanging out with you today has been nice, and I'm not quite ready for it to be over, you know?"

Severus hummed and admitted, "Your company was surprisingly tolerable."

James laughed, leaning over to playfully bump his shoulder into Sev's as they walked side by side. "Tolerable," he repeated, in that mock-offended tone that he did so often. "Severus, darling, you've mispronounced 'charming' and 'exciting' and 'adventurous' and 'delightful'."

"Have I now?" Severus teased back. "I suppose I should teach you Legilimency after all, so you can _accurately_ tell when people aren't saying what they mean."

"Really?" James asked, his expression seeming to light up.

"Why not?" Severus casually answered.

"Is that a yes?"

"Yes, Potter."

"A real yes?"

"Yes!"

"You," James said, grinning and putting his arm around Sev's shoulders as if they were still in Hogsmeade, "are the best."

Severus smiled slightly and leaned into the touch. "Don't thank me yet—it might not work out. Some people simply don't have the aptitude for it." Lily certainly hadn't made any progress when he'd tried to teach her last summer—although that could've been partially because they kept getting _distracted_ during lessons.

"I think I'll surprise you," James said confidently.

"Well, you certainly have so far."

James beamed at him and briefly squeezed his shoulders a bit tighter in an awkward one-armed embrace. "Good," he said firmly.

Halfway up the stairs, Sev realized that he'd have to change back if he wanted Potter to keep all of his new clothes safe. "Hang on a mo'," he said, redirecting them towards the boys' lavatory on the fourth floor. Potter removed his arm from around Sev's shoulders and followed him inside somewhat awkwardly, and Severus explained, "You're still going to hang onto these clothes for me, right?"

"Oh, right. Yeah."

Severus ducked into a stall to change—no way did he want to give Potter an eyeful of the scars scattered across his back and chest and arms. It had been a nice day, and he didn't want to end it by making James give him those sad puppy-dog eyes again. He pulled his old clothes out of his pocket, unshrunk them, then carefully took off the new ones and folded them before putting his old, tatty uniform and robes back on. He exited the stall, then handed the new clothes to James, who shrunk them and put them in his pocket with the rest of the day's purchases.

They left and headed back towards the main stairwell, with James being unusually quiet—Severus suspected that Potter and Black might've hexed him in that bathroom once (it was difficult to keep track) but he decided not to bring it up in case James was feeling guilty again.

They finally arrived at the seventh floor and disembarked the moving stairs, heading down the corridor that eventually led to the entrance of Gryffindor Tower. They passed the juncture where Potter had quite literally stumbled into his and Lily's argument last night, and Severus mused on how drastically things had changed in just one day.

As they turned the corner into the final corridor that led to the portrait entrance, Severus said as it occurred to him, "I'm beginning to wonder whether I was too hasty in accepting your secret for the Oath—you didn't seem to mind pretending to be my boyfriend all day in plain sight at Hogsmeade. Anyone could've recognized you."

James shrugged and didn't answer until they'd walked up to the portrait of the Fat Lady, who was currently asleep, and they sat down in the same spots they'd occupied last night. "I'm okay with who I am. I'm not ashamed of it—I just know my family wouldn't approve, and it doesn't seem worth the fight unless there's actually someone to fight for, you know?"

Severus nodded, absently saying, "I'm fairly certain my father would literally beat me to death if he knew that I swing both ways."

James paled a bit. "Shit. What if somebody in Hogsmeade recognized_you?"_

Severus shook his head, waving off the concern. "He's a Muggle, remember? No one in Hogsmeade would even know to tell him. And my mum isolated herself from the Wizarding world after she married him. At worst, someone might send her a snide owl, but I highly doubt it. And she wouldn't rat me out to him."

"Do you think she'd be okay with it?"

Severus shrugged. "I like to think she would—she's from an old Pureblood family, but she did marry a Muggle after all, so I doubt she adheres to the rest of the old prejudices. But if I never tell her, I never have to be disappointed if she isn't okay with it." He huffed a humorless laugh and added, "Schrodinger's acceptance."

"What?"

Severus waved a hand and said, "Nothing, just a Muggle reference."

"Well, aside from Shroody-whatever, I get what you're saying. I don't think my parents would hate me or anything, they'd just be disappointed, and they'd probably start shoving heiresses in my face to try to make sure I end up with a girl and continue the line. But if I keep it a secret, I can just let them live in ignorant bliss unless I end up with a guy worth fighting for, you know?"

"Yeah," Severus said, although Potter's wording left him feeling a bit wounded. A guy worth fighting for—no one had ever fought for Severus, except for Lily, and he'd gone and ruined that in the end. Severus had known he wasn't worth fighting for since the first time his father had given him a black eye—he'd been four years old and his mother had put makeup on his bruises and her own and then she'd taken him out for ice-cream once his dad had passed out drunk. Afterwards, instead of leaving the brute, they'd gone right back to that house and it had only gotten worse over the years for both of them.

"Sev?" James asked, nudging his shoulder until he looked up. Potter looked concerned. "You all right? You got all quiet and broody."

Severus huffed and dryly said, "I do that."

James smiled, seeming reassured. He opened his mouth to say something, but stopped at the sound of approaching footsteps from around the corner. Severus and James both turned to look.

"—and I told Alice that Jerrison was a complete toerag, but she wouldn't listen, and—" Mary Macdonald paused in her story when she caught sight of James and Severus waiting on the floor, then she turned to Lily who was walking beside her, and said in exasperation, "Oh Merlin, there's two of them now."

Lily followed Macdonald's line of sight, her eyebrows going up when she saw Severus and James waiting for her together, peacefully. Severus raised a hand to tentatively wave at her, and he wasn't sure whether to be amused or mortified that Potter did the same thing, almost in unison with him.

"Come on, Lily," Macdonald said snidely, continuing towards the portrait hole, "we can send a Prefect out to run_him_ off. Can't do anything about Potter, unfortunately."

"Evans," Potter greeted cheerfully, pretending not to have heard Macdonald, "fancy meeting you here."

Lily sighed, then said to Macdonald, "Just go inside, I'll talk to them. No Prefects."

"Are you sure?" Macdonald asked, looking genuinely concerned and throwing a suspicious look at Severus.

"I'm sure, Mary," she replied, her tone bordering on impatient. Severus refrained from smiling—he knew how Lily hated to be treated like she couldn't take care of herself. Clearly he still knew her better than her so-called friends in Gryffindor.

"All right," Macdonald said, reluctantly stepping up to the portrait. She knocked on the frame to wake up the Fat Lady and then whispered the password to her. The portrait swung open to let her through, then the Fat Lady yawned and fell back asleep without even noticing James, Sev, and Lily.

Lily glanced over with an unimpressed look as Severus and James got to their feet. She crossed her arms, then asked, "Have you two joined forces to stalk me now, or what?"

"Stalk you?" James said, "You've got it all wrong, Evans. We're here to court you, and romantically sweep you off your feet."

"Both of you?" Lily asked dubiously.

Potter smirked and said, "Yeah, why not?"

She narrowed her eyes at him and demanded, "So now you think I'm easy, is that it?"

"What? No," James protested, his eyes going wide, "you're anything but easy, Evans. I didn't mean it like that."

Severus caught a miniscule twitch of Lily's lips, and informed James, "She's just fucking with you, Potter, she's not offended."

Lily crossed her arms and scoffed, "Spoilsport," at Severus, but she stopped trying to repress her smile, and the sight of it nearly undid him.

Severus tried to shrug it off and said, "I just don't want to get stuck dealing with him in a sulk."

They were having a normal conversation, almost like nothing had happened, and he felt like he was walking a tightrope—relief and apprehension and caution and hope all fought for space in his chest, along with the ever-present doubt that anything good could actually happen to him.

Lily raised an eyebrow at him and asked, "Why would you be the one stuck with him?"

Severus sent a smirk at Potter, then told Lily, "Because he's appointed me the fifth Marauder of course—make sure you repeat that where Black can hear."

"Make sure you don't," James interrupted, sending an amused glare at Sev, "because it's not true."

Sev rolled his eyes and looked away from James to find Lily giving them a speculative look. "Speaking of Marauders," she said to James, "they've been looking for you for hours. You should go tell them you're alive before they report you missing."

James waved it off and said, "They'll keep for a few more minutes."

"Where have you two been, anyway?" Lily asked suspiciously.

"Around," Severus said, trying to be mysterious.

"Hogsmeade," James blurted out at the same time.

"Potter!" Sev scolded.

"Really?" Lily asked, looking surprised but reluctantly impressed. "How did you sneak out to Hogsmeade?"

James grinned and said, "Go out with me, and I'll show you."

Lily rolled her eyes at him and flatly said, "No," before turning her inquisitive look on Severus instead. "Well?"

Severus swallowed, then tried, "Forgive me and I'll tell you?"

"Wow," Lily scoffed, though she looked mildly amused, "Potter's rubbing off on you already."

James opened his mouth, but Severus quickly held up a finger and cut him off with, "Don't—whatever crude joke you're about to make, just don't."

James pouted at him, then said, "Spoilsport."

Severus rolled his eyes, then gestured from James to Lily and said, "Finally, something you two can agree on."

Lily looked back and forth between the two of them, giving them that curious, speculative look again. "Hey Potter?" she said. When he looked at her, she nodded towards the portrait and said, "Get lost. I want to talk to Sev privately."

Sev's heart skipped a beat—was she finally going to hear him out? Would she forgive him?

James raised an eyebrow at her, then looked from her to Severus before mildly saying, "All right." He took a step closer to Severus, pulled him into another hug, and said quietly into Sev's ear, "Today was fun—thanks for giving me a chance." When he pulled back, he gave Severus a smile that nearly melted him.

"Erm, yeah," Severus said, uncharacteristically awkward with his words, "you too. Thanks. For all of it."

James' smile grew, and he suggested hopefully, "Meet me for breakfast in the kitchens?"

"All right," Severus agreed.

"And sit with me on the train tomorrow?"

"Don't push your luck."

James smirked and started walking away backwards towards the portrait. He really needed to stop doing that—one of these days he was going to fall down a flight of stairs or something equally stupid. He turned around and banged on the portrait to wake the disgruntled Fat Lady, and when the portrait swung open, he called, "Night, Sev. Night, Evans," before stepping through.

"So," Lily asked as soon as the portrait was closed again, drawing Sev's attention back to her, "when's the wedding?"

The Fat Lady, halfway dozed off, perked up and murmured, "I love a good wedding," before nodding back off into a snore.

Sev's face had gone red, he could feel it, but still he protested, "Don't be absurd."

"You like him!" Lily accused, "And he obviously likes you—"

"He likes_you_, Lily. It's not like he's been subtle about it."

"And yet you're the one he's hugging and sneaking off to Hogsmeade with. And I told you," she said, sounding half-triumphant and half-scandalized, "way back in third year, I_told_ you he was trying to get your attention and make you notice him—"

Severus rolled his eyes. "He wasn't bullying me because he had a crush on me—that's a stupid bloody myth that doesn't actually happen in real life."

"Well, Potter's stupid and if anyone would do it in real life it'd be him."

"He's not stupid," Severus defended automatically before he could think better of it. "And he doesn't like me like that—he's had a crush on_you_since he met you."

Lily raised an eyebrow at him, then shook her head and said, "Funny, you haven't once denied that you like him."

"I don't like him," Severus immediately insisted, inwardly cursing himself. "He's just been surprisingly decent, and generous, and unlike the toerag that he's been in the past." Lily clearly wasn't buying it, so he crossed his arms and added in a cool tone, "He feels guilty so he's trying to make up for everything—I'm just taking advantage while it lasts."

"While it lasts?"

Sev nodded and elaborated, "Until he gets bored, or he turns back into a bully, or I fuck it up somehow."

"If he turns back into a bully, you'd better hex his bollocks off and never let him near you again, Sev. I mean it," she said fiercely. "All those times you've said that you'd never turn into your mother—"

"And I won't," Severus interrupted. "It's not even like that Lily, honestly."

Lily met his eyes and gave him a long, searching look. Finally she gave him a half-smile and said, "Wish I hadn't been pants at Legilimency—I'd love to know what's going on in that brain of yours."

"You weren't pants at it," Sev reassured her. "Just a bit impatient."

"And easily distracted," she added in a wistful, almost sad tone.

"And that," Severus agreed, trying not to think too hard about how Legilimency lessons had often been derailed in favor of sex.

It was on the tip of his tongue to apologize again, to beg her forgiveness, but before he could, Lily said, "I'm sorry for slapping you last night. It's been eating at me, and I shouldn't have—"

"What? No, it's fine, Lily. I deserved it."

"No you didn't," she said fiercely, stepping closer and throwing her arms around him in a sudden hug. "You've never deserved to have anyone hurt you, Sev."

He hugged her back automatically, but murmured, "I've never deserved you."

"Shut up with that," Lily said into his shoulder, hugging him tighter.

Severus clamped down on his emotions hard, because otherwise he was liable to start crying out of sheer relief. Lily was talking to him. Lily was hugging him. Maybe…maybe he'd gone about things the wrong way? Maybe the repeat apologies had only stirred up her anger again, the way Potter's apologies to him had done. Maybe she was trying to compartmentalize too.

"Are—are we all right?" Severus dared to ask in a whisper.

She shook her head against his chest, then pulled back far enough to wipe at one of her eyes. "No," she said, and Sev's heart sank, but then she went on, "maybe we will be—but I'm not ready to talk about everything just yet."

"All right," Severus said.

Lily gave him a sad half-smile, then let go of him and took another step back. "Maybe I'll catch you this summer sometime, and we can talk. At our old spot by the river?"

Sev nodded but glanced at the floor, embarrassed, and said, "I'll be expected to work again. Not sure where, yet."

"Well," Lily said, "some weekend, then." She paused, then smiled again and said, "If it's meant to be, then we'll find each other."

Severus nodded, but he'd already made up his mind to spend every moment of free time he had by the lake, just in case she showed up.

Lily met his eyes again, and seemed to waver for a moment (he didn't dare use Legilimency on her—she'd gotten far enough with Occlumency that she would feel it, and he couldn't afford to betray her trust again—it wouldn't be worth it) before she finally turned and stepped away towards the portrait.

"Good night, Sev," she said over her shoulder.

"Good night, Lily."

She gave him another small smile before waking the portrait once more and then disappearing inside.

**~ * ~ * ~ * ~**

**A/N:**

So, fyi, I made a twitter account solely for my HP fics, so I can vent, flail, have polls, give status updates, share song recs, etc. It's (at) Eidrokcuf if you're interested in following, and despite the handle I post pretty equally about both fics.

As always, comments and con-crit are very welcome!


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: **

So, I miscalculated and this actually did NOT end up being the chapter with the dark shit. This is another mostly fluffy chapter that I think you'll rather enjoy ;) The dark shit will definitely be coming next time though.

Also, don't get used to this fast of an update because wow this is definitely an aberration—still not sure how I got this one out this quickly. I'm working on 2 WIPs at the same time and I've figured out that it typically takes me 1-2 months per update (partly because I write such long chapters and partly just because life). I guess I was just extra-inspired this time, idk.

Thank you again for all of the comments and kudos! Enjoy :)

**~ * ~ * ~ * ~**

"Where the bloody hell have you been?" Padfoot demanded the second James walked into their shared dorm. Sirius, Remus, and Peter were all seated on Sirius' bed, and their remaining dorm mate, Frank Longbottom, was nowhere to be seen. It appeared James had interrupted a rather serious discussion. Sirius stood up and stalked across the room towards James.

James blinked at the anger in Sirius' tone, then took a leaf out of Sev's book and coolly replied, "Around," as he closed the door behind him.

"Oh, 'around,' he says," Sirius said caustically, "as if we haven't been all up and down this bloody castle for hours—without the map, might I add, since you took it with you—trying to make sure you hadn't been murdered by that greasy snake—"

"What?" James interrupted.

Remus cleared his throat and awkwardly spoke up. "James, I'm sorry, but when you never came back from lunch, I told them—"

"Oh, thanks a lot," James huffed. "I'm not even sorry now that I forgot your biscuits."

Remus stood up and continued trying to placate him, "I checked the kitchens by myself first, and the house-elves said you were talking about trying to kill each other and shoving each other into doors—"

"That is a complete mischaracterization of what happened," James argued, blushing a bit despite himself, "they're bloody house-elves, Mooney, you can't take what they say at face value."

Remus' expression hardened a bit and he said, "Right. How silly of me to trust the word of a lowly magical creature. I guess I just don't know better, being one myself." He crossed his arms and sat back down on the edge of the bed.

"I didn't mean it like that and you know it," James said immediately.

"Where have you been?" Sirius demanded again.

"And did you actually have lunch with Snivellus?" Peter, who had been quiet so far, finally piped up, looking curious and grossed-out at the same time.

James sighed, then answered, "Yes I had lunch with Severus," he said, putting emphasis on his actual name, "and, well, after that we kind of, erm, snuck out to Hogsmeade."

"What?" Peter said.

"Why?" Sirius demanded, scandalized.

Remus remained silent but gave James a searching look.

"I told you," James said, running a hand through his hair in frustration, "I'm trying to get on Evans' good side by making amends with him."

"Great plan," Sirius said sarcastically, "except for the fact that Evans was here the whole time—we ran into her and asked if she'd seen you three different times. She said she had no idea where either of you were."

James shrugged and said, "They talk. He'll tell her about it."

Sirius raised a dubious eyebrow and said, "She's been very publically not talking to him since the M-word incident, if you haven't noticed."

Peter added in an amused tone, "I heard he's been waiting outside the portrait for her every night like a kicked dog."

James gritted his teeth, then said in as neutral a tone as he could manage, "He has been, and she actually stayed behind to talk to him tonight."

"How do you know that?" Remus asked.

"Because I waited with him, that's how," James snapped.

"I knew it!" Sirius said, sounding betrayed. "I knew you were trying to friend-adopt him," he said taking a step closer and poking a finger into James's chest. "You're doing your smothery overprotective you're-mine-now thing!"

James knocked his hand away and said, "I'm not adopting anybody, and you're being ridiculous."

"I'm being ridiculous?" Sirius demanded. "You're cozying up with that Dark little greaseball, but I'm the one who's being ridiculous?"

"Yes!" James yelled back. "And stop calling him names!"

"'Stop calling him names', says the guy who dubbed him Snivellus back in third year," Sirius said sardonically.

"He definitely earned that one," Peter chimed in. "All Prongs did was shove him a little, but you would've thought he'd broken Snivelly's ribs by the way he started crying." Peter snickered at the recollection, and Sirius smirked a little.

A chill ran through James because that had happened on the train ride back to Hogwarts after Christmas hols their third year—knowing what he knew now, it was possible that Sev actually might've had a few bruised or broken ribs, courtesy of his father, when James had shoved him out of the way as James and Peter passed him in the train corridor. And then he'd mocked him for crying. "Fuck," James muttered, once again horrified with himself. He had the urge to run back out through the common room into the corridor and hug Severus and apologize yet again—for a second, he actually considered it, but then he realized that if he did, he might mess up Sev's chance to reconcile with Evans and give him yet another reason to hate him. "Fuck," James repeated, with heart.

"Prongs?" Sirius asked, sounding concerned rather than argumentative this time.

James looked up and caught Sirius' expression, which, with the anger having fallen away, betrayed the concern and jealousy and insecurity underneath. He sighed, and told Sirius, "I'm not trying to make him a fifth Marauder, all right? He wouldn't go for it anyway."

"Mooney, you traitor," Sirius grumbled, looking embarrassed that Remus had told James about his rant. Remus looked unapologetic.

James smirked, then pulled Sirius into a tight hug, and said quietly into his ear so the others wouldn't hear, "Not trying to replace you either, idiot. You know you'll always be my best mate, Sirius."

Sirius relaxed into the hug for a moment before pulling away and mumbling back, "All right, get off of me you big Hufflepuff."

"Says the one who had a jealous fit over me making a new friend," James teased.

Sirius gave him a suspicious look and asked, "You didn't hug Snivellus, did you?"

"Stop calling him that," James said firmly.

"Did you?"

"Maybe," James admitted. All of his friends knew he was a hugger so there was little point in denying it.

"Oh, gross," Sirius said, scrunching up his nose, "I've got Snape germs by proxy."

"For Merlin's sake," James said, his temper flaring up again, "he hasn't got germs and he's not greasy or evil—he's just—he's just Severus, all right?"

James turned around—he hadn't made it far inside the room anyway—and stalked back down the stairs into the main common room. Thankfully, Sirius and the others didn't follow. He'd known it was unlikely for them to just accept Severus on James' say-so, but hearing the callously hateful things they said—the same things he'd previously spouted off without a thought—stirred up both his anger and his guilt, and he needed a moment away from them.

He stared wistfully at the portrait hole, but it was too close to curfew and his Cloak was still upstairs, and he didn't want to interrupt Severus and Evans if they were still talking. James sighed, then headed instead for the large red sofa by the fireplace—and he paused, because it was already occupied.

"Evans," he greeted cautiously. She was seated sideways with her back against the furthest arm, and her legs stretched out across the sofa and crossed at the ankles, staring off pensively towards the wall.

"Potter," she replied, turning to look thoughtfully at him instead.

James smiled and decided that fortune favored the bold, so he walked up and sat at the opposite end of the sofa, mirroring her posture and stretching his legs out beside hers so that they were nearly touching. "So," he said, trying to sound cavalier, "did you two kiss and make up, or what?"

She gave him a piercing look, then asked knowingly, "Why? Which one of us are you jealous of?"

"That's—I'm not—what?" James spluttered, caught off guard.

Evans gave him an amused smirk, then said, "You're not being very subtle, Potter. You need to tone it down if you want your secret to stay a secret," she advised.

"Tone what down?"

"The flirting with Sev," she answered.

"I wasn't flirting," James lied, hoping the room was dim enough that his blush wouldn't show, "I'm just being nice."

Evans raised a dubious eyebrow.

"_This_ is flirting," he said, smiling and nudging his foot against her leg in a slow caress.

Evans blinked, then reached down and grabbed his shoe right off of the offending foot and threw it across the room.

"Oi," James said, but then he laughed. "I think that was flirting too—tone it down, Evans," he teased.

"You wish," she said, grabbing the shoe off his other foot and throwing it in the opposite direction, but she was laughing now too.

James tsked and said, "You leave me no choice," before stealing one of her shoes off her foot and holding it hostage above his head as he leaned backwards on the sofa.

"Give that back!" Evans demanded, crawling across the sofa after him. She made two grabs for it, which he deflected, before finally just launching herself at him and managing to grab his wrist as he tried to hold it out of reach above his head again, pinning him down. "Gotcha," she said, grinning triumphantly.

"Yeah," James said, a bit breathlessly. He dropped her shoe to the floor somewhere behind him, and Evans finally seemed to realize the position she was in—sprawled on top of him on the sofa and clutching his wrist, her other hand on his shoulder for balance, his free hand on her hip, and their faces much too close together while her long hair fell like a curtain around them.

James didn't dare move—he barely dared to breathe. This close, Evans' bright green eyes were mesmerizing enough to drown in, and for a second, he thought he saw a flicker of something heated in them—but then the portrait hole loudly opened, and Evans was scrambling off of him and hurrying around the sofa to grab her shoe as another couple stumbled into the common room, faces attached at the lips.

He wanted to call after her, but he resisted the urge, instead letting her make her escape up the stairs. The couple was still going at it rather passionately against the wall, and once James was sure Evans had had enough time to get back to the girls' dorm, he pointedly cleared his throat.

The couple jumped apart, revealing themselves to be the errant Frank Longbottom and a blonde girl in the year below them who James thought was called Alicia or Allison or something like that.

"Oh, shit. Er, hello Potter," Frank said awkwardly.

James smirked and said, "Oh, don't mind me, I was just heading up. Room's all yours."

"Ta," Frank said, blushing.

James stood, carefully turning so as not to treat either of them to an eyeful of the tent in his trousers. At the foot of the stairs, he pulled out his wand and muttered, "Accio shoes," then caught them as they flew towards him from across the common room.

"He's a bit odd, isn't he?" Alicia-Allison-Whoever asked Frank quietly.

Frank made a noncommittal hum, then James heard the sound of snogging resume. At least someone would be putting the sofa to good use, he thought as he climbed the stairs. And James would definitely be having a good long wank before bed. He arrived at the landing at the top of the stairs and was reaching for the door to the boys' dorms when someone quietly cleared their throat behind him.

He turned, hoping for Evans, but was disappointed to see Sirius appearing as he took off James' Invisibility Cloak.

"I suppose your daft plan's actually working, isn't it?" Sirius asked quietly but pointedly.

"Were you eavesdropping on us?" James demanded.

Sirius raised an eyebrow at him and replied, "Can't hear much from up here. Sure got an eyeful though," he added, smirking.

"Don't tell anyone about this, Sirius. Not a word. She'll never talk to me again if she thinks I'm bragging about her. And nothing really happened anyway," he added, blushing.

"Yeah, bloody Longbottom and his shit timing," Sirius commiserated, but then he peered over the stairs out at the common room, and his eyebrows went up. "Bloody Longbottom," he repeated, but with a slightly impressed tone of envy this time.

"Quit watching them, it's creepy," James said, grabbing Sirius' arm and dragging him back towards the door to the boys' dorms.

Sirius sniffed and said, "Nothing wrong with appreciating the view. Especially when they're right out in public."

"Whatever, come on."

"Careful, don't point that thing at me," Sirius teased, glancing down at James' crotch.

James blushed but rolled his eyes. "You're not my type," he deadpanned.

Sirius barked out a laugh, then said, "I'm no leggy ginger, that's for sure." They walked up the stairs until they reached their dorm, then Sirius sighed and suddenly said, "All right, fine, I'll lay off of Sniv—of Snape," he corrected quickly when James glared at him, "if it'll really help you get Evans, all right?"

James blinked, but said, "I'd appreciate it."

Sirius clapped him on the shoulder, then shoved him towards the lavatory and said with a leer, "Go take care of that," he nodded towards the persistent tent in James' trousers, "but make it quick, we have Marauder business to discuss."

James blushed and shut the bathroom door firmly behind him, ignoring Sirius' barked laugh.

He did, in fact, make it quick, but not exactly on purpose—he stripped and stepped into the shower, and he was halfway there just from the sense memory of Evans on top of him and looking down at him with those brilliant green eyes. But under the hot spray of the shower with his hand wrapped around his cock, his thoughts drifted. He wondered whether Evans and Severus really had kissed and made up, and then he got stuck on the fact that regardless of that, they had had sex in the past—his imagination supplied him with an image of Evans (no, Lily, he decided—he could call her Lily in the privacy of his own fantasy, damn it) of Lily on top of Sev instead, riding him, kissing him. But then he switched them because in that position Lily's curtain of red hair blocked his view of their faces. Severus on top of Lily then, pushing into her gently—he would be gentle with her but still intense, James was certain of it, because Sev was obviously in love with her still. And Lily wouldn't just lay there, James decided, she was too fiery for that—she'd have her legs wrapped around Sev, urging him to go harder, and she'd scratch her nails down his back and make him moan. And James, tightening his grip and stroking faster, was sick of being left out of things, so he imagined himself there with them, sliding up behind Severus, sliding inside him and filling him up while Sev filled Lily, grasping that sleek black hair to bring his head up for an over-the-shoulder kiss. Oh, yes, that was nice. James clenched his jaw, feeling his orgasm approaching. At the last moment, he switched things up again and came to the fantasy of himself inside Lily instead, kissing her while Sev pumped into him from behind, gripping his hips hard and kissing his neck. James' release splattered onto the shower walls, and he leaned his head against the tiles to catch his breath.

"Fuck," he muttered.

This certainly complicated things.

Potter was acting strange—well, stranger than usual, Severus corrected himself as he took another bite of his scrambled eggs. He and James were once again in the kitchens seated at the counterpart of the Ravenclaw table, once again making amiable if slightly awkward small talk over a meal. But this time, something was different—Potter seemed to be blushing quite a lot, and he was also stealing quite a few glances at Severus while simultaneously avoiding his eyes.

"James," Severus finally said, interrupting Potter's story about some idiotic prank from two years ago, "what?" he demanded, leaving it open ended on purpose.

"What do you mean, what?" James asked. Severus caught his eye for half a second, reached out with Legilimency, and caught a panicked surface thought of 'don't let him see.'

"Don't let me see what?" Severus asked.

James froze, then hurriedly glanced away and said, "Nothing. Stop doing that—it's rude to just read someone's mind without asking."

"You were projecting, Potter, you might as well have shouted that."

"Well I didn't shout it," Potter snapped at him, blushing again.

"James—" he started, but Potter interrupted him in a forced casual tone.

"So how'd your talk go last night with Evans? Did you kiss and make up yet?" He was still avoiding Sev's eyes.

Severus stared at him for a long moment before deciding to answer, and answer honestly. "No. But she's open to talking about things sometime this summer."

James nodded, still staring down at his plate, and said, "Good."

Severus raised an eyebrow at him. "You think so? Would you still say that if she decides she wants us to get back together?"

Severus had no delusions that it would ever happen, of course. After the way he'd reacted when she told him she loved him, after the way he'd gradually pulled away when they returned to Hogwarts, after how disgusted she'd been to learn of his forays into Dark magic, after what he'd called her that day—honestly, he'd be lucky just to win back her friendship, let alone anything more.

"Yeah," Potter answered, "I would."

"Really?" Severus asked skeptically. "Because I and everyone else at Hogwarts was under the impression that you wanted her for yourself."

James shrugged and kept his eyes on his plate.

Severus glared at him and asked, "What, you don't anymore?" He couldn't pinpoint exactly what bothered him so much about James' apparent ambivalence, but Potter's obsession with Lily had always been a constant, like the sky being blue, and Severus felt a rather insistent need to get the truth out of him about it.

"I didn't say that."

"Was I right the first time, Potter? Does the thought of her and I together really disgust you so much—"

"Sev, no—"

"—that you'd give up on five years of pursuing her, now that you know she was with me?"

"Sev, that's not it, really," James insisted in an earnest tone, finally looking up to meet his eyes.

Severus seized the chance and pressed into Potter's mind with more force than he usually used. Underneath the embarrassment, he found affection, possessiveness, attraction, lust, and longing—but not just towards Lily. Towards _him_. Towards both of them together.

Severus blinked and withdrew from James' mind.

James winced and held a hand to his forehead—perhaps Severus had been a bit too rough. "I asked you not to do that," he said, giving Severus a betrayed look. Then he blushed and looked away. "How much did you see?"

Severus blinked again, then cleared his throat and made an effort to sound much calmer than he actually felt. "Lily has an interesting theory about you," he said leadingly, instead of answering James directly.

James huffed a humorless laugh and said, "Does she now?"

Severus hummed and said, "It sounded too ridiculous to be true, but now I'm starting to wonder."

James nodded, then stood up from the table and abandoned his half-eaten breakfast. "Come on," he said, gesturing for Severus to follow. "I'm pretty sure I know what you're going to say, and I don't want to have this conversation here—apparently the house-elves like to gossip."

Severus furrowed his brow, but stood and followed an unusually tense and silent Potter out of the kitchens, back to the Entrance Hall, up the moving stairs, and finally to an enormous mirror located halfway down an isolated fourth floor corridor. The mirror was both tall and wide enough to drive a lorry through, and its frame was a dull silver with an ornate, elaborate design of vine-like tendrils of metal.

Potter glanced both ways to make sure no one else was around, then he drew his wand and tapped three specific spots on the mirror's frame. In the span of a blink, the glass of the mirror started to fade and then it disappeared altogether, revealing a rather spacious room hidden behind it. There were a few sofas and chairs, a desk, and a huge wooden door on the back wall, but otherwise the room was empty. James spread his arm and said, "After you."

Severus hesitated for just a moment—wary that this might still be some kind of trick—but then he stepped through into the room, with James close behind him. James tapped his wand on the frame again (it was apparently built into the wall rather than hung on it, so the frame was visible from both sides of the mirror) and the mirror re-solidified into a tinted glass wall that allowed them privacy and also a dim view of the corridor outside.

"How many secret passages do you know about, anyway?" Severus asked casually. He made no move towards any of the furniture and neither did James, so they remained standing near the mirror, facing each other a few steps apart.

James shrugged, and nonchalantly answered, "A few." There was an awkward pause, before James seemed to visibly steel himself, and then he asked, "So, this theory Evans has?"

Severus crossed his arms, looked at James head-on and said bluntly, "She thinks that you have some kind of twisted crush on me."

He waited for a response, for the inevitable denial possibly followed by laughter or mocking, but all James did was bite his lip and stare down at the floor between them while a blush rose in his cheeks.

Severus blinked, then prompted, "Nothing to say to that?"

James dared a glance up at Severus before looking back down at the floor. "Nothing needs to be said, does it?" he asked. "You already saw."

"I don't understand," Severus said slowly.

James nervously rubbed the back of his neck, and said, "Look, I know you're trying to fix things with Evans, and I know you don't see me like that—and I understand, I get it—let's just forget about it, all right? I'll get over it."

Severus scoffed and said, "You don't 'get over' people, Potter—how many times has Lily shot you down now, yet you keep trying?" James shrugged, still avoiding Sev's eyes. "And," Severus took a deep breath and gathered up his courage to ask in a softer tone, "why do you assume that I don't see you like that?"

James' head shot up, finally looking Severus in the eyes again. "How could you? I was awful to you for years."

Severus gave him a humorless smile and said, "Lily has a theory about that too. She's thought since third year that you might've just been after my attention—that you wanted to make sure you mattered to me, even if it was in a negative way."

James grimaced and looked at the floor again. "I honestly don't know, Sev. I mean, maybe that _was_ why, but I've never actually thought about any of this until yesterday," he said, running a hand through his already-messy hair. "I've always felt this—this draw—to you. Yeah, like I needed your attention, but also like—like I had to keep pushing until I got a reaction. I don't know, it's all fucked up."

"James," Severus said very seriously. "Look at me."

James' head stayed lowered but his eyes flicked up to meet Sev's, making him seem uncharacteristically timid. He meant it, Severus realized—even through the tangle of guilt and confusion and the newness of the realization, Potter actually liked him, actually wanted him.

Severus stared at him for a moment, then finally allowed himself to confess, "I'm not uninterested."

Potter blinked and said, "What?"

"You heard me."

"Yeah," James said, straightening his posture and taking another step towards Severus, putting them in arm's reach of each other. "But—you mean it though? You're not," he paused, swallowed nervously, "not lying and using this to get back at me for everything?"

"I'm not quite that evil, despite what your Marauders might think."

"I know you're not evil," James said, taking another step closer.

Severus smirked and teased, "Such praise. You certainly know how to charm a guy."

James laughed. "Shut up."

Severus bit his lip, considered it for all of two seconds, then boldly said, "Make me." Severus tilted his chin up and met Potter's eyes, making his invitation perfectly clear.

Potter's breath seemed to catch for a moment, but then he was closing the space between them, capturing Sev's lips with his own, and burying one hand in Sev's hair. Severus reached out to steady himself, his hands landing at James' waist, pulling him closer as he kissed him back.

James kissed like a goddamn paradox—demanding but gentle, intense but sweet, cautious but determined. Severus reached up and ran one hand through Potter's riotous hair as he deepened the kiss. Potter's free hand landed on the small of Sev's back and pressed him closer so their hips met, but the angle wasn't quite right so Severus reached down with both hands, boldly grasped James' arse, and tugged him forward to grind their hardening cocks together through their clothes. James moaned into Sev's mouth, then broke away for a moment to catch his breath. "Holy shit, Sev," he gasped into Sev's ear, their bodies still pressed close.

"Too much?" Severus asked, his hands still splayed across Potter's arse.

James emphatically shook his head 'no' and then dove back in for another kiss, his tongue exploring and claiming and dancing with Sev's own.

Severus moaned and tugged James against him again, but just as they'd settled into a good rhythm of grinding against each other, a loud resounding bell chime sounded throughout the castle—the ten minute warning for the walk to the carriages that would take them to the train station.

Normally—if they had gone to the Great Hall for breakfast like they were supposed to—they would have remained at their House tables after breakfast ended to wait to be dismissed for the walk to the horseless carriages. A first bell always sounded ten minutes before the group would be leaving, for any wanderers or stragglers, and then a final bell sounded five minutes before everyone would start the walk down.

Potter went still against him and then reluctantly pulled back slightly with a heavy sigh.

"Unfortunate timing," Severus lamented.

James laughed humorlessly and said, "Seems to be my curse lately."

Severus quirked a brow at him, but James looked away and didn't elaborate. His hands were still resting on Potter's arse, so he tugged him back in and caught his lips in one more kiss. James moaned, but pulled away much too soon.

"I won't be decent to walk out of here if we don't stop now," James said, with a pointed glance downward. Neither of them had bothered wearing robes over their clothes this morning, and their black school uniform trousers weren't nearly as forgiving when it came to hiding erections.

Severus sighed, but acquiesced. He gave both of Potter's arse cheeks one last playful squeeze before letting go of him and smirking when James blushed. Severus nodded towards the wall, and walked over to it, leaning his back against the cool stone and hoping it would help his body settle down. James followed, leaning beside him and crossing his arms.

Severus cleared his throat and said, "I think five minutes should be enough to calm down," he said pointedly, "and then if we hurry we can get down to the Entrance Hall in time to sneak into the back of the line." He was half-hard and uncomfortable and positively aching to pounce on Potter again, but he resisted the urge.

"Sit with me on the train?" Potter asked once again, but with a heated undertone to it this time. "We can find an empty compartment, pull down all the shades, and finish what we started," he suggested, reaching up to tuck a stray strand of hair behind Sev's ear.

He liked that idea very much, but at the same time, "Moving a bit fast, aren't we?" Sev asked. "You said you'd never consciously considered this until yesterday."

"Nothing wrong with moving fast," James said.

"There is if you end up regretting it."

"There you go being selfless again," Potter said, his tone only halfway teasing. "Knock it off, would you? I'm trying to get a leg over." Severus gave him a severely raised eyebrow, and James flushed and added, "Or, you know, let you get a leg over. Either way. I'm, erm, open to both."

"Have you ever been with a man?" Severus asked bluntly.

James shook his head. "No. You?"

"I've only ever been with Lily," Severus said. He paused, then added, "But I'm open to trying it both ways as well."

Potter swallowed and said, "Good to know… This really isn't helping me calm down," he added after a moment.

Severus smirked and said, "Me neither. Talk about something else, then."

James was quiet for a moment, then he said in a rush as if he'd been holding it for a while, "I don't want to let you go home."

Severus glanced over and found Potter staring at the floor with his arms crossed.

"I have to, James. We've talked about this."

"But why can't you just—"

"Potter."

"—tell your mum you've got this rich friend with a huge house and plenty of room for both of you and parents who are away half the time—"

"Potter, she won't leave him."

"Just try!"

"I have tried!"

"But not when there was actually somewhere to go, right?"

"It won't make a difference."

"Sev, please," James said, reaching one hand up to cup his face and trace his thumb along Sev's cheekbone. "Just try again. What'll it hurt?"

Severus sighed, but leaned into his touch and said, "Fine. But you're only setting yourself up for disappointment."

James shrugged and said, "I can't just send my boyfriend back into hell without trying to help."

Sev's heart skipped a beat. "Boyfriend?" He studied James' expression, but found none of the teasing or playacting from Hogsmeade this time.

James met his eyes, looking uncharacteristically nervous. "Yeah?" he said hopefully.

Severus blinked, then tried to ignore the way his heart had sped up and said, "James, we've snogged once. Three days ago we hated each other. You need time to think about this—"

"No I don't," James interrupted confidently.

"Well maybe I do," Severus snapped.

James blinked, looking hurt. He finally let go of Sev's face, and said in a small voice, "Right, sorry. Of course you do." He let out a humorless, self-depreciating laugh and said, "I don't know how you can even stand to look at me, honestly. And here I am, pushing like I always do—"

"James," Severus said, stepping in close and reaching up to turn Potter's face towards him. Severus leaned in quickly and pressed a relatively tame but meaningful kiss to his lips, then pulled back and told him, "That wasn't a 'no,' all right?"

"All right," James said, with a small, slightly dazed smile.

Severus left his hand on Potter's face, and asked very seriously, "And what about Lily?"

"Well, I suppose I've finally realized how hopeless it is to try to come between you two—er, figuratively, I mean," James said, blushing.

Severus raised an eyebrow at him. "What are you saying?"

"Well, I mean, I don't generally like to share—"

"I would never have guessed," Severus interrupted sarcastically.

"Would you let me finish?" Potter said, then blushed again when he seemed to realize he'd made yet another double-entendre. "What if we both agree to just be all right with it if Evans ever comes around to one or both of us? It'd be like an open relationship, I guess, but only for her."

"I see."

Sev's mind was reeling with the possibilities of Potter's suggestion, but he cut off that train of thought before it could give him too many hopeless fantasies. It was still undetermined whether or not Lily would forgive Severus enough to just be friends again—he had no right or reason to expect her to want a relationship with him again, although after the excruciating experience of thinking he'd lost her completely, he knew that if she did want him back then he wouldn't be strong enough to push her away again. Sev let himself wonder, just for a moment, whether she would be willing to essentially share him with Potter, and whether she would eventually be drawn in by Potter's charm as well. Then he wondered whether he would survive it if Lily and James decided someday that they were better off together without him.

"Do you think she would go for it?" James asked.

"I don't know," he said honestly. "I wouldn't get your hopes up."

The final five-minute warning bell chimed, startling both of them. Severus cleared his throat, then glanced down quickly to make sure both Potter and himself were decent.

"Come on," Sev said, heading for the mirror wall. He paused and waited for James to follow. "How do we get out of here?"

"Just step through, like Platform 9 . You only need the spell to get in." James reached over, took Sev's hand in his own, and the two of them stepped back into the corridor together.

Severus started to pull his hand away, but James held on.

"Potter."

"Come on, no one's around to see. It's our last chance for a while," he said, giving Sev those pleading puppy-dog eyes.

"Oh, fine," Severus said, shifting his hand in James' grip to entwine their fingers as they hurried through the empty corridors and stairways down to the Great Hall. If Severus had to fight not to smile the entire time, that was his own business.

They emerged from the moving staircase into the Entrance Hall, and James reluctantly let go of Sev's hand. They were just in time to catch the tail end of the group of students heading out.

Professor Slughorn, who must've been there to supervise, gave them a look that was both startled and concerned. "Mister Potter, Mister Snape," he greeted. "Cutting it a bit close, aren't you?" He gave them each a cursory once-over, then said, "I do hope you two haven't been fighting again."

"Not at all, Sir," Potter said, smiling and turning on the charm.

"No, Professor," Severus said, much more reservedly.

They were both in the Slug Club, but for very different reasons. Severus, like Lily, was there due to exceptional talent in Potions. Potter was there for his Quiddich success and his family's money and influence. Although, now that Severus wasn't obligated to hate him he could admit that Potter had always been very talented in Transfiguration and Defense as well.

Slughorn gave them a slightly suspicious look, then gestured towards the door and said, "Carry on then, you don't want to miss the train."

"Have a good summer, Sir," Potter called over his shoulder.

"Suck up," Severus muttered under his breath.

"I'll suck you up," James muttered back.

Severus couldn't help it—he burst out laughing, startling a few second years walking in front of them. "Do you promise?" he managed to ask in between his laughter.

"Maybe." Potter's face had gone red, but he still smiled while he watched Severus. "You should laugh more," he said quietly but fondly, "it looks good on you."

The younger students were still stealing backwards glances at him, and even a Hufflepuff Prefect up ahead was giving Sev and James a suspicious look, so Severus just responded with, "I'll keep that in mind."

James smiled, stuck both hands in his pockets and bumped his shoulder amiably into Sev's as they walked. They were quiet all the way to the line of horseless carriages (with enclosed carriages this time instead of the open roofless ones, probably because the sky was overcast and it looked like it might rain), and then James leaned in and said under his breath, "Don't sit near the middle of the train, all right? Stick to one end or the other—there may or may not be a Marauder prank planned as a last hurrah."

"Seriously?"

"Why did you think I bought so many glitter bombs from Zonko's yesterday?"

Severus shook his head in something like fond exasperation, and said, "Thanks for the warning, for once." If he was remembering the advertisement on the display correctly, the glitter was charmed so that half of it would stick to anyone in the blast radius, and half of it would hover in the air an un-banishable cloud of glitter for an hour.

"Mmhmm. Make sure you warn Evans if you see her before I do."

"Of course."

They arrived at the line of carriages, and every time Severus started to approach one before it filled up, James subtly took his wrist and tugged him away. It took Severus a minute to realize James was trying to finagle a private carriage for the two of them.

"Oi Prongs!" came a shout from much farther up the line. It was Black, naturally, hanging out of a carriage and gesturing for James to join him. "Where were you? We saved you a seat." Then Black caught sight of Severus and quickly added emphatically, "One single seat!"

Severus glanced over at Potter, who was frowning. "I'll catch you on the train, Pads, all right?" James shouted back. Black's jaw dropped in surprise, and Severus bit his cheeks to keep from grinning at the sight of his betrayed and disbelieving expression.

"Prongs!" Black called again, but James just lifted a hand to wave as he turned and steered Sev the opposite direction.

"That look on his face was priceless," Severus said under his breath, finally allowing himself to smile.

James shrugged, looking uncomfortable. "I talked to the guys last night and asked them to stop being prats to you. They said they would—even Sirius."

"Oh, I'm sure they'll be on their best behavior," Severus said, pausing meaningfully before continuing, "as long as you're watching."

They paused next to another empty carriage—there were only two completely empty ones left—and waited to see if anyone else tried to take it, but it seemed like the last few groups of students were trying to crowd together into the three carriages ahead of James and Sev. Inevitably, there wasn't enough room, so James subtly nudged Sev backwards towards the last empty carriage instead, letting a group of unusually rowdy third year Ravenclaws claim the other.

For a moment it looked like they were actually going to swing a private carriage—and be the last ones to the train, but Potter didn't seem bothered by that. But when one last Ravenclaw boy—who had Malfoy-blonde hair and a dreamy expression on his face—tried to enter the carriage, one of the other students shoved him back off the carriage steps and into the dirt, crowing, "No freaks allowed, Xeno."

One of the other boys said, "Nice one, Anderick!"

Severus felt a simultaneous flare of pity and anger, because that easily could've been him and Potter's Marauders two years ago (except that by that age he'd known better than to go anywhere near Potter and his friends if he didn't have to). He took a step towards the Ravenclaws' carriage, but was surprised when Potter beat him to it. James stepped past him and shouted, "Oi! What's the matter with you little shits?"

The Ravenclaws seemed to freeze as one at the sight of an angry upperclassman storming towards them, but the one called Anderick apparently had the nerve of a Gryffindor, because he stuck his nose in the air and answered, "This carriage is only for real Ravenclaws. Not delusional weirdos who believe in made-up creatures."

"Nargles are very real," the blonde boy, called Xeno apparently, spoke up from the ground, "in fact, your head is swarming with them, Anderick. Yours too, Dunneson," he added, nodding towards the boy sitting next to Anderick.

"Get stuffed, Lovegood," Dunneson taunted back.

Severus sighed and walked over to where Xeno was still sitting on the ground as casually as if he'd chosen to be there rather than having been shoved. "Get up," Severus told him quietly. "Don't look at them, and don't acknowledge anything else they say—don't give them the satisfaction. Hold your head up and walk away with dignity."

Behind them, Potter was unleashing verbal wrath on the bullies. "Anderick and Dunneson, is it? One of my best mates happens to be a Prefect, and he's going to hear about this."

"The leaving feast is over," one of the boys replied snottily, "this year's points were already finalized."

"Oh, I know," Potter said, as Xeno finally got to his feet and, at Severus' instruction, strode away towards the last remaining carriage with his head held high and his shoulders back. Potter continued, "It'll be your fault Ravenclaw starts out in the negative next year."

The entire carriage erupted with protests.

"Yes I will, and yes that is how it works, you little swots," Potter argued back, "Remember the frogs last year?"

Severus smirked, because he remembered well the prank that had put Gryffindor in the negatives a year early—last year at the leaving feast, Potter and his cohorts had transfigured a horde of one hundred chocolate frogs into actual frogs, which they then set loose in the Great Hall after the feast. Which wouldn't have been so bad if not for the fact that whenever two of the spastic frogs came into contact with each other (which was often), they both doubled in size. Hagrid, of course, had been nearly in tears when the giant frogs—after rampaging across the tables, strewing dishes and food everywhere, and terrorizing students—were transfigured back into chocolate and shrunk instead of being put into his care. Potter and his cohorts had looked near tears for a moment when Professor McGonagall traced it back to them and took a hundred points (one per frog) from her own house for the chaos, starting them off far in the negative for this year. Severus had smiled about it for weeks.

Potter ignored the rest of the Ravenclaws' protests and strode away, back towards the last carriage. Severus quirked an eyebrow but followed him. Xeno had already climbed up inside the carriage, and Potter paused outside its door. He took a deep breath, then looked up at Sev and asked, "Was I really as bad as that?"

Severus snorted and said bluntly, "Potter, you were much worse. And recently, too."

James looked away at the ground and crossed his arms. "I know you don't want to hear it again, but I'm sorry, Sev."

"I know," Severus said quietly. "And that," he nodded towards the carriage of tiny bullies which had started to roll away, "was a good start at not being an aresehole anymore." Potter looked up again and met Sev's eyes, giving him a tentative smile. Sev returned the smile and nodded towards the carriage. "Come on."

James opened the carriage door and held it for Severus, then climbed inside after him. They sat beside each other on the bench opposite the younger Ravenclaw, and the carriage started moving before they were even seated. The blond boy looked up from what appeared to be a book of ancient runes, and said, "Oh, good. I was worried our Thestral would take off without you two. She seemed impatient."

"Our what?" James asked.

"The Thestral that's pulling the cart."

"There's nothing pulling the cart," James said, looking confused, "there never has been."

"Oh yes there has, they're just invisible unless you've seen death. I can't see them yet, but my cousin told me all about them."

"If you can't see them, how'd you know ours is impatient?" James asked.

"From the patterns of the Nargles around her, of course."

James opened his mouth to either argue or ask another question, but Severus put a hand on his knee and said, "Let it go, Potter."

"Potter?" Xeno asked. "James Potter?"

"The one and only," James said cockily.

"Oh. I've heard that you're very good at Quiddich. I never go to the matches, myself. Too much noise."

"Er, thanks, I guess?" James said, glancing to Severus with a puzzled expression.

Severus held back a laugh, and prompted the boy, "Did I hear correctly that your name is Xeno?"

"Xenophilius Lovegood, but Xeno for short," he rattled off. "I don't think I know yours."

"Severus Snape."

"Oh. Professor Slughorn has mentioned you."

"Really?" Severus asked, hoping for an elaboration.

"Mm-hmm," Xeno said, then stuck his nose back in his book of Runes. Well. So much for that.

"Xeno?" Severus asked before the boy could get too engrossed. "Are those boys always that cruel to you?"

"Usually they're worse," Xeno said, as casually as if they were discussing the weather.

"Then why did you try to get in the carriage with them?" James asked, looking puzzled.

Xeno glanced up from the book for half a second, then said simply, "The others were full, and it seemed like you two wanted to be alone. I didn't want to get in the way. I'm in the way a lot, or so I'm told."

"No," Potter said immediately, eyes full of pity, "you're not in the way, kid. And if those little berks mess with you again, come find me or Sev. Or Remus Lupin," he added after a brief pause, "he's my friend and a Prefect."

Severus very charitably held his tongue about just how useful Lupin was at deterring bullying.

"Tattling just makes it worse," Xeno said, his nose still in his book, "but it's nice that you care. Most people don't."

James glanced over at Severus, looking rather lost. Severus shrugged, and said quietly, "Generally speaking, he's not wrong."

The carriage came to a stop as they arrived at the train station. The door sprang open on its own, and Xeno put his book in a pocket of his robes and then hopped out without saying goodbye.

"Weird kid," James said, but not unkindly. "Hey, forget what I said about the train compartments—I'm glitter bombing whichever section those little shits end up in."

"I'll be sure to keep my distance," Severus said, smirking.

"I still wish you'd sit with me," James said, catching his eye.

"It's not you that I'm saying no to, Potter, it's your friends. I can't imagine spending an entire train ride with Black glaring at me and Pettigrew making his snide little comments to try to start drama while Lupin turns a blind eye."

"We could still try to find an empty compartment," James tried again, waggling his eyebrows suggestively.

Severus chuckled and replied, "Right, because we had such good luck with the carriages."

Potter glanced from side to side, then pretended to be surprised and said, "Sev, look! We've got this carriage all to ourselves right now."

Severus smiled, but glanced towards the open door and then stuck his head outside—a quick look showed that Xeno was long gone, and the miniature bullies were already far along the path towards the station. No one else was in the vicinity, so Severus ducked back inside the carriage, perched himself in James' lap, and kissed him for all he was worth. He felt James' hands grip his hips to pull him closer, and he buried his own hands in Potter's unruly hair, tipping his head back to deepen the kiss. After a very long moment, he finally pulled away, resting his forehead against Potter's while they both caught their breath.

"Damn," James said, rather emphatically.

Severus laughed and finally climbed out of Potter's lap to sit beside him instead. "That's to remember me by," he said.

Potter blinked. "What about this summer? I mean, you said not to owl you—but you can owl me and we can meet up some time. I can be very sneaky when I need to be," he added with a hopeful smile. "Or, even better, if your mum agrees to leave—"

Severus sighed and interrupted, "I don't know how things are going to work out yet, all right? Just, don't get your hopes up," he said, reaching out to straighten Potter's glasses, which had been knocked slightly askew during the snogging.

"You say that a lot."

"If you never get your hopes up about anything, then you'll never be disappointed," Severus explained, despite considering it rather self-evident.

James looked sad for a moment, then he forced a smile and said, "Well. Whatever works for you."

Severus nodded towards the door, "Come on, before we miss the train."

James followed him out of the carriage, and the two of them headed for the train platform.

"Now don't just take off once we get to London," James told him. "Find me on the platform first."

"All right," Severus agreed.

They were in fact the last ones on the train, and they garnered a few odd looks from passing Gryffindors and Slytherins alike as they headed down the train corridor together. As it turned out, the group of Ravenclaw bullies had ended up in the large open area in the middle of the train, so Potter wouldn't have to alter his original plans after all. The only snag in the plan was that Lily was seated right at the edge of that same compartment with the ubiquitous Mary Macdonald.

Severus nudged Potter's arm and nodded in her direction.

"Shit," James muttered, hesitating near a set of empty seats still a few rows away from Lily. "Do you think she'd be more likely to believe you or me if we tell her to move compartments without saying why? Macdonald hates us both, so that's a toss-up, plus she's a horrid tattle so we can't tell the truth in front of her."

Severus, who kept one eye on the pair, nodded towards them again and said, "Looks like we're in luck, then." Potter turned in time to see Macdonald stand and head the opposite direction, presumably towards the loo.

"Yes!" Potter hissed, grabbing Sev's elbow and tugging him towards Lily's seat. "Evans," he greeted cheerfully as he approached, "Darling, light of my life—"

"What do you want, Potter?" she cut him off, but less harshly than usual. And she was blushing a bit, Sev noticed. Odd. She glanced at Severus and gave him a brief hint of a smile before returning her attention to James.

"Just your eternal love and devotion," James said, with a grin that he probably meant to be seductive. Lily just rolled her eyes.

"Oh, for fuck's sake," Severus muttered, before interrupting, "Lily? A little bird told me," he nodded towards Potter, "that it's a bad idea to sit in this particular compartment. A rather," he paused, "explosively bad idea, one could say."

Lily's eyebrows went up. "Dangerous explosive, or messy explosive?"

"Messy," James chimed in quietly but proudly. Sev nodded in confirmation.

Lily rolled her eyes, but started gathering her things. "Fine. I'll move once Mary gets back. You seriously need to grow up, Potter."

James pouted, but Severus patted his shoulder and told Lily, "He's working on it."

Lily glanced at Sev's hand on Potter's shoulder, and then at Severus, raising a questioning eyebrow. Sev glanced pointedly towards Potter and then back at Lily and raised his own questioning brow, since everyone present knew she was being easier on him than usual. Lily blushed slightly and looked away first. Severus blinked and stared at her a moment longer, wondering what on earth he'd missed.

"Merlin's beard," said an exasperated female voice behind them. Sev turned to find Mary Macdonald giving both him and James a withering glare. "Don't you two have a life outside of harassing her?"

"It's fine, Mary, they were just leaving," Lily said.

James bowed theatrically and told Lily pointedly, "You're welcome, my dear," before winking and striding away. Lily rolled her eyes at him, then caught Sev's eyes and gave him another shadow of a smile. With Macdonald right there, they couldn't really talk, so Severus just smiled back and nodded a goodbye before turning to go.

As he walked away, he heard Lily stage-whisper, "Let's move to a different compartment in case they come back, all right?" to Macdonald. Severus smiled, and thought proudly for the millionth time that Lily had more than a little Slytherin in her.

"What are you smiling about?" James asked once Sev caught up to him a few meters down the train corridor.

Severus saw an opportunity and took it. "She told me," he said pointedly.

"Told you what?"

"About what happened with you two."

Potter blinked, then blushed slightly and said apprehensively, "She did?"

"Mm-hmm," Sev said neutrally.

James snuck a glance at him before facing forward again and hesitantly asking, "You're not upset?"

"No," Sev said, keeping his tone deliberately light. He decided to take a gamble and added, "I actually think it's rather cute."

"Cute?" James said disbelievingly. "More like awkward," he muttered. Then he turned to face Sev again and stopped walking. "No, hold on—cute? Really? Since when do you call anything 'cute'?" Severus raised an eyebrow at him, but James narrowed his eyes and said, "You're completely bullshitting me right now, aren't you? She didn't tell you a thing."

Severus let his mask drop and said irritably, "No, but you just did."

James frowned, then said quietly, "Look, nothing actually happened. And it was before me and you, you know," he said, trailing off awkwardly.

"Potter. Tell me."

James sighed, glanced both ways for eavesdroppers, then said in a low voice, "After she talked to you last night, she was sitting on the sofa in the common room, and I sat by her and she teased me about having a crush on you, and then she threw my shoes across the room so I took one of hers, and she pounced on me to get it back, and we ended up in a sort of, er, suggestive position on the sofa. And then Longbottom barged in with his girlfriend so Evans ran off."

Severus blinked. She'd thrown his shoes across the room? "I feel like you've left out some relevant context."

James waved it off. "It doesn't matter, all right? It was just an awkward, weirdly hot moment that didn't go anywhere."

Severus raised an amused eyebrow, checked that they were still alone in the corridor, then teased, "Which you probably wanked furiously to."

"Which I most definitely wanked furiously to," Potter agreed, blushing again. "But I was thinking about you too, so," he trailed off. Severus blinked and was actually speechless for a moment. "Is that a weird thing to say?" James asked, sneaking a glance at him. "I've never actually properly dated anyone, so I don't know."

"I—erm—it's fine," Severus finally stammered. James Potter had wanked to him. To _Severus_. Holy shit. Severus cleared his throat and repeated, "Fine." He cleared his throat again and awkwardly added, "When I said 'not a no' that didn't automatically mean 'yes,' you know? It was a 'maybe,' James."

James shrugged and said, "I've never 'maybe'-dated anyone before either."

"How is that possible? Look at you," Severus said, then blushed.

James grinned for a second at the compliment, but then his expression turned bitter and he answered, "Apparently the consensus is that I'm good for a snog, but when it comes to actually dating then I'm 'just too much'."

"Well," Severus said carefully—he wasn't sure he could honestly disagree, but this was obviously a sore spot for James, "that's part of your charm. And it's their loss if they can't see that."

James glanced over at him, skeptical at first, but then he smiled. "You sweet-talker," he said, bumping his shoulder into Sev's.

One of the compartment doors slid open as they passed it, and a shrill voice called out behind them, "Sevvy! There you are."

Severus paused and turned to find Bellatrix Black's manic grin pointed at him. "Bellatrix," he greeted.

James turned as well, visibly tense, and when Bellatrix noticed him, her expression darkened and she demanded, "What do _you _want, Potty? Haven't you harassed him enough for one year?"

"I'm not—" James started.

"It's fine, Bella," Severus interrupted smoothly. "He was just about to run along back to his little friends," he said pointedly, hoping James would take the hint.

"Good," she sneered, before stepping closer to Severus, coming up behind him and putting both hands on his shoulders and peering over him at James. "Did you know that I have a cursed knife, Potty?" she asked threateningly.

"Did you know that I don't give a fuck?" James returned coolly. Sev's lips twitched into an almost-smile, which fell away as James continued, "But I wouldn't expect any different from a psychotic Dark witch like you. Sirius has told me that you're just chomping at the bit to join up with that nutjob."

Bella's grip on Sev's shoulders tightened, and she hissed at James, "The Dark Lord is the future of our world," she said fervently. "And once he's in power, Mudbloods and blood traitors like you and little Cousin Siri will be the first to go."

"You're disgusting," James said, his lip curling.

"Me?" Bella taunted, "You're the one who's always panting after Sevvy's pet Mudblood—"

"That's enough," Severus interrupted harshly, pulling out of Bella's grip and turning to glare at her.

She held up her hands in mock surrender, then shot a malicious grin at James. "I bet Sevvy would fight you for her—I would just love to see you try him in a proper duel, one-on-one for a change, without your little gang backing you up," she taunted. "You have no idea what he can do," she said ominously.

"Bella!" Sev snapped in warning. She was hinting rather dangerously to the Dark Magic that certain Slytherins practiced in secret in their common room when Slughorn wasn't around. Most of it was highly illegal, and on top of that, Severus was certain that James wouldn't approve.

"Oh, I'm sure he'll show me what he can do someday," James said, smirking.

Severus turned around to face James and put his back to Bellatrix, mostly so Bella wouldn't see him blush at the hint of suggestiveness in Potter's tone. "Potter," Severus said, catching James' eye and giving him a pointed look. "Leave." James frowned, and looked like he might argue, so Sev silently mouthed 'play along' and then added out loud, "Before I make you."

James blinked, then his expression hardened a bit and he said in a cruel tone, "You mean before you embarrass yourself again like the other day? Stop acting tough and go take a bath, Snivellus."

Severus blinked, and only managed a cursory, "Fuck off, Potter," because fake or not, that had stung.

"Aww," Bellatrix mocked, "Potty's too scared for a fair fight."

James raised an eyebrow as he calmly started walking away backwards. "I'm not scared," he said haughtily, "you're just not worth my time."

Bella scoffed and turned away, going back into the compartment and muttering, "Come on, Sevvy, he's no fun right now."

As soon as Bellatrix was out of sight, Potter's entire demeanor changed and he took a few steps back towards Severus, his eyes pleading as he silently but emphatically mouthed 'I'm sorry, I didn't mean that!'

Severus smiled slightly and held up one hand to stop him, then mouthed back 'I know' before making a shooing gesture. James hesitated, so Severus repeated the gesture before turning to follow Bellatrix into the compartment she'd claimed. Narcissa, Andromeda, their younger cousin Regulus, and another Slytherin boy Sev didn't recognize were all inside, none of them bothering to hide the fact that they'd all been eavesdropping.

Severus slid the door closed behind him, and had the absolutely absurd thought that he missed Potter already. He shook his head at himself, then took a seat next to Narcissa and held in a sigh. This was going to be a long train ride.

When the train finally pulled into the station at Platform 9 a few hours later, James grabbed his trunk and practically ran out, tossing a "Come on guys," over his shoulder at the Marauders.

He'd felt like garbage the second he'd walked away from Sev. Despite the fact that they both knew he hadn't meant any of the cruel comments, the insults had rolled off his tongue just a little too easily, and he felt horrible about it. Even successfully getting away with glitter-bombing the compartment where those little bullying wankers were sitting didn't quite cheer him up. And then Sirius had been unusually quiet for most of the ride, staring out the window and seeming to sulk, but thankfully he didn't try to start another row about Severus.

The platform was as chaotically crowded as always, but Peter and Sirius spotted their parents right away and (rather reluctantly, in Sirius' case) they said their goodbyes before taking off. James kept standing on his tiptoes and scanning the crowd, not for his parents, but for Severus. He hadn't spotted him yet, and he was getting more and more worried that he wouldn't find him and that their last interaction for a while would end up being the fake insults they'd thrown at one another in front of Bellatrix Black. That just absolutely would not do.

James completely forgot Remus was still standing next to him until Mooney pointedly cleared his throat and asked, "Were you with Snape again this morning?"

James jumped—only a little bit, really—then tried to sound nonchalant when he answered, "Yeah. We had breakfast in the kitchens."

Remus sighed and gave him a very serious look. "James, you need to be careful with him. If you've apologized and he believed you, then just leave him alone from now on. The more you try to make friends with him, the more you're just giving him opportunities to take revenge for the past few years."

"He's not going to do that," James protested. Remus gave him a look that managed to be concerned and skeptical and condescending at the same time. "He's not," James repeated emphatically. "Oh look, there's your parents," he said, pointing off randomly to the left.

Remus frowned, then said, "Please just be careful, all right?"

"All right, Moony, Merlin."

"All right—and I actually do see my parents," he added, giving James a one-armed hug before grabbing his trunk. "I'll owl you. See you later, James."

"See you," James said.

Remus hesitated, then said, "Snape's lurking beside that pillar waiting for you to notice him, by the way. He keeps glancing over."

James grinned, hugged Remus again, and said, "You're the best, Mooney," before grabbing his trunk (which he'd charmed with a Featherlight charm) and heading for the spot Remus had pointed out.

He waded through the crowd until he reached the pillar and then smiled at his maybe-boyfriend.

"Hey," James said, leaning against the pillar next to Sev.

"Potter," Sev greeted. James smiled again—he liked it better when Sev used his first name, of course, but James also enjoyed hearing the new, fond way that he said 'Potter' with none of the harshness or hatred that he'd spat it out with in the past.

Speaking of which, "I didn't mean any of that back there, in front of Black," James said.

"I know that," Severus said, sounding a bit exasperated with him.

"Well, except the part about her being psychotic and disgusting. I meant that," he added. "Would you think less of me if I told you she scares me a little bit?"

Severus smirked and said, "She scares everyone a little bit. Why did you think I wasn't hexing her for calling me 'Sevvy'?"

"Aww, so I can't call you that?" James teased.

"No," Severus said emphatically.

James pouted at him for a moment before smiling and saying, "That's all right—I can still call you darling, and sweetheart, and honey, and babe—"

Severus blushed slightly and hissed at him, "Shut up, someone's going to hear."

James chuckled, then said, "Too bad I don't know that buzzy spell—you know, that new one people use to block out eavesdroppers?" Since Platform 9 was technically considered part of Hogwarts, students wouldn't get in trouble (with the Ministry, anyway) for doing magic there.

"It's not called 'that buzzy spell'," Severus said, sounding offended.

"You know it, then?" James asked eagerly.

Severus scoffed, then said after a brief pause, "I invented it, Potter."

James' jaw dropped. "No way. Really?"

Severus smirked, then reached into his pocket to grasp his wand. He twitched it without taking it out and nonverbally cast the spell around himself and James.

The noise around them seemed to dim, and James grinned at him. "You," he said emphatically, "are brilliant, Sev." He leaned closer but Severus took a cautious step back.

"People can still see us," Sev said pointedly.

James frowned slightly but said, "All right," and leaned against the pillar again. "Will you teach me that spell?" he asked hopefully.

"We'll see," Severus said, but it sounded more like a 'no'. James suspected that Sev just didn't want James teaching it to the Marauders in turn, which was understandable but disappointing.

"All right." James glanced up at him, then smiled and suggested, "Hey, let's find somewhere more private—I'd like to give my maybe-boyfriend a proper kiss goodbye."

Severus gave him a forced-looking smile and said, "That's what the snog in the carriage was for, James. There really isn't any privacy here."

James sighed and said, "Yeah, I know."

Severus suddenly glanced at something over James' shoulder, and James looked as well, wondering what had put that intent expression on Sev's face.

A splash of red caught Sev's eye, and he glanced up in time to watch Lily walk up to the barrier that led back into Muggle London. James turned and followed his line of sight and they both watched as she stepped though and disappeared.

James nudged Sev with his elbow and said, "Good luck. You know, with Evans."

Severus glanced up and met his eyes, reaching out with Legilimency to skim his surface emotions. "You're really not jealous," Sev said, surprised. "How is that possible?"

James shrugged, then said straightforwardly, "I like her. I like you. I like the thought of the two of you together," he said, a slight blush staining his cheeks, "and you two already had this entire relationship—it wouldn't be right for me to try to get in the way of it."

Severus blinked, then gave James a long look and said, "You have surprising depths, Potter."

"Thank you?"

"Yes, it's a compliment," Severus told him, smirking again. He nodded towards the barrier to the Muggle world and said reluctantly, "Come on, walk me out before I do something insane like decide to run away with you."

"I would be fine with that decision," James said immediately.

"I know you would." Severus left the Muffliato in place around them as they headed for the barrier.

"So, erm," James said hesitantly, "is your dad going to be out there? Because I might not be able to resist hexing him."

Severus chuckled and said, "I'd like to see that, but he definitely won't be."

"Just your mum, then?" James asked, a hint of eagerness in his tone. He probably thought he could charm her into leaving Tobias and bringing Severus to come live with the Potters in a single meeting.

"No."

"Then how are you getting home?" James asked, looking concerned.

Severus looked at the ground and said, "Usually Lily's parents drive both of us."

"Well hurry up, or you're going to miss her," James said, tugging him towards the barrier quicker.

"I'm not sure I'm welcome this time, Potter."

James frowned, then said, "Well, then my parents can Apparate you."

Severus raised an eyebrow at him. "To the middle of a Muggle town where they've never been?"

James shrugged. "Then come home with me and you can floo from our house. You do have a floo connection, right?"

"An illegal and rather temperamental one," Sev said quietly. "Somebody in the Department of Magical Transportation owed Mum a favor and they set it up a few years ago while Tobias was out drinking. We have a little bit of floo powder hidden behind a loose brick, but it's only for emergencies. I can't just go through blindly in case he's around."

James sighed as the two of them stepped through the barrier and into the Muggle side of the train station. "Just remember it's Potter Cottage—if there is an emergency, or if you can get her to leave. All right?"

"All right," Severus said to placate him.

James nodded up ahead towards the right and said, "There's Evans." Severus followed his gaze and saw Lily hugging both of her parents while Petunia stood to the side with her arms crossed and a disdainful look on her face. Severus cast a wandless Finite to cancel the Muffliato, just as James hooked his free arm around Sev's shoulders and tugged him along as he confidently strode towards Lily's family. Severus was a bit more apprehensive, and he wondered whether Potter's degree of arrogant self-assurance was a narcissist thing, or if it was specific to James.

"Oi, Evans!" James called once they got close, putting on his most charming smile as he approached, "Were you going to make Sev walk home, or what?"

Lily let go of her parents and turned around to face James and Severus. "Of course not," she said, although she gave Potter a slightly annoyed look.

"It's fine," Severus said immediately, "if there isn't room, I can make other arrangements—"

"Oh, don't be silly, Severus dear," Lily's mum Rose interrupted. "It'll be a bit cramped since we brought Petunia and went shopping while we waited, but we'll manage." Petunia scoffed but surprisingly didn't throw a fit. "And who is this charming young man?" Rose asked, smiling at James before giving Lily an expectant look.

Lily's expression tightened and she shot Potter a look that clearly said 'behave yourself' and then said, "Mum, this is James Potter, a friend from school. James, this is my mother Rose Evans, my father Henry, and my sister Petunia."

James grinned at Lily, then said to the group, "It's a pleasure to meet you all." Severus was fairly certain that this was the first time Lily had ever called Potter by his first name or referred to him as a friend, which was probably why James couldn't seem to stop smiling (even if she had clearly only done it for the sake of etiquette). Sev caught Henry giving James the same suspicious warning look he liked to give Severus (the you'd-better-not-touch-my-daughter look) and Petunia was rolling her eyes—only Rose looked charmed by Potter.

"Come along then," Henry spoke up. "We'd better be going if we don't want to get stuck in traffic. Nice to meet you," he added perfunctorily to James.

"You too, sir," James said politely.

Henry nodded, took Severus' trunk and put it on the trolley with Lily's, then turned and started to walk away, pushing the trolley. Rose and Petunia followed immediately.

"Come on, Sev," Lily said quietly, taking a step after her parents as well. Severus followed, and so did James, sticking to Sev's side and dragging his lightened trunk by one handle.

"Sorry," Severus told Lily awkwardly, throwing a brief glare at Potter, "I wouldn't have presumed to intrude—"

"Don't be stupid," she said, glancing between them. "I wouldn't make you walk home, and neither would Mum and Dad."

"Or me," James chimed in redundantly.

"Before you get any ideas," Lily said, "there's definitely not room in the car for you, Potter."

James pouted and said, "I like it better when you call me James."

"I'm aware, Potter," Lily said pointedly.

James put a hand over his heart as if wounded, and Severus held back a smile at his theatrics and her attitude. Up ahead, Lily's family reached the station exit and stepped outside—they'd had about a six-meter head-start.

"Hey Evans?" Potter said, in a more serious tone. Severus and Lily both looked at him, and James told Lily, "Take care of him, all right?"

"Always," Lily answered, rather fiercely. It made Sev's breath catch, both her use of that particular word—their word—and the fact that after everything, she still cared about him.

James nodded at Lily, then looked at Sev as they all approached the outside door. Lily went outside first, but James caught Sev's wrist before he could follow, and the door closed behind her.

"What—?" Sev's question was muffled by Potter's lips as he leaned in and gave Severus a passionate, insistent, and very public kiss goodbye.

There was some disgusted muttering from the Muggles around them—of course there was—but Severus ignored it and so did James as they lost themselves in the kiss. One of Potter's hands was back in Sev's hair and the other was on his shoulder, while both of Sev's hands gripped James' hips to hold him closer.

When James pulled back from the kiss, he put both hands on Sev's shoulders, met his eyes, and said in a low, insistent tone, "Stay safe, Sev, all right?"

Severus nodded, still a bit dazed, and said, "All right," even though he could promise no such thing. The concern in Potter's eyes, the reluctance to leave, the protectiveness, the sheer goddamn affection—it nearly overwhelmed him.

"All right," Potter echoed yet again. He squeezed Sev's shoulders, then finally let go and picked up the trunk he'd dropped, taking a step backwards. "Go get her," he said, nodding towards the door with a small, forced-looking smile.

Sev forced a smile of his own and said quietly, "I'll see you later, James."

James' smile turned real, and Severus forced himself to turn away and walk out the door while he still could. It closed loudly behind him, one of those heavy hydraulic doors, and he only made it about a meter down the pavement before he found Lily, who had evidently turned around to come back for him.

"What happened?" she asked immediately, looking concerned by whatever expression he was wearing.

Severus shook his head and quickly schooled his face back into something neutral. "Just—Potter being his shockingly protective new self," Sev said, still a bit dazed on the inside.

Lily raised an eyebrow at him and asked, "Okay, what else happened?" with a suspicious look.

He considered telling her the truth—he really did—but then Petunia stomped up behind Lily and demanded, "What's taking you freaks so long? Dad's ready to go."

Severus glared at her, and Lily spun around and said, "We were saying goodbye to a friend we're going to miss, Tuney, you don't have to be so hateful about it."

Petunia gave her a disapproving look and said, "Don't you have any friends who are girls? You know what people say about girls who hang around with boys all the time. It's not proper."

Lily's jaw clenched, but she just took Sev's arm and said quietly, "Come on."

The three of them walked to the car in a tense, awkward silence that persisted for the entire ride home. Crammed into the back seat as they were—Petunia on the left, Lily in the middle, and Severus on the right, with Mr. and Mrs. Evans in the bench seat up front—no one could really speak freely. And while it was nice having Lily pressed up against his side, he couldn't let himself fully relax or enjoy it not knowing for sure where they stood and not knowing whether she was secretly disgusted by the contact.

But she seemed content enough, and she even dozed off leaning against him with her head on his shoulder for a while—at least, until Petunia noticed and shrieked, "Mum! Lily's being inappropriate with him!"

Lily jerked awake, and the car swerved slightly as Henry demanded, "What?"

Rose turned around to look, just as Severus lost his temper and snapped at Petunia, "She was just sleeping, you shrew!"

"Children!" Rose scolded. "I don't want to hear any more name calling," she said, giving Severus a stern look. "And Lily dear, scoot over a bit, would you?"

Lily huffed in frustration and said, "Well I'm not about to lean on her," shooting a glare at Petunia, who had escaped the scolding. It rankled Severus and he knew Lily had to be furious, but she was doing an excellent job of hiding it.

Instead of leaning on anyone, Lily slouched down further in her own seat, spreading her knees apart to make room for the rest of her to slide forward towards the edge of the seat.

"Lily!" Petunia hissed, giving her a scandalized look—Lily was still wearing the knee-length pleated skirt that was part of the Hogwarts uniform for girls. Petunia's own legs were primly crossed at the ankles, despite the fact that her much longer skirt went almost to her ankles anyway.

"Oh shut it," Lily said under her breath as she closed her eyes to try to nap again. "I'm sure the back of the bench seat's getting a real thrill."

Petunia huffed and crossed her arms, turning towards the window in disgust.

Severus managed to mostly stifle his laugh, but Lily cracked one eye open and looked up at him, smiling slightly. He smiled back discreetly, then looked away out the window when Lily closed her eyes again. She nudged her right leg over even further until it was pressed up against Sev's leg, and she left it there for the rest of the drive. Severus very carefully and very deliberately Didn't Think About It.

Henry drove towards Sev's house first, and when they were a few streets away, Severus nudged his leg against Lily's until she opened her eyes and sat back up in her seat. He suspected that she had only been pretending to be asleep to avoid the awkwardness, and when he raised a questioning eyebrow, the slight blush on her cheeks seemed to confirm it.

"Almost there," he said, under his breath.

Lily sighed and gave him a rather melancholy smile as the car pulled to a stop next to Sev's house.

Henry looked over his shoulder and asked, "Need help with the luggage?"

"No thank you, I can manage."

"Good lad. Take care," he said, pressing the button to open the boot.

Severus opened the car door, and said, "Thank you for the ride," smiling politely at Rose and Henry.

"Anytime, dear," Rose said warmly.

Severus met Lily's eyes and asked tentatively, "I'll see you around?"

Lily gave him a small smile and said, "Yeah, Sev. I'll catch you later."

Severus smiled back, then forced himself to get out of the car. He closed the door, then got his trunk out of the boot and closed that too. He lifted one hand to wave from the pavement as the car pulled away, and with a heavy sigh he turned around to face the front door to his house.

It would be fine, Severus told himself—no matter how bad it got, he would survive like he always did. For now, at least, he had the promise of a meeting with Lily sometime this summer to look forward to. He had the memory of James' kisses to hold onto. He had—despite his best efforts—_hope_, that things might actually work out in his favor. He just had to stay strong.

Severus took a deep calming breath and pushed all of his fear and anxiety as far below his Occlumency shields as possible. He straightened his shoulders, held his head high, then walked up to the door and stepped inside.

A/N:

Once again, be prepared that next time things will get much darker (for real this time). I will put specific warnings in the chapter notes.

As always, comments and con-crit are both welcomed and encouraged.


	4. chapter 4

**A/N: **For the sake of my sanity and the plot, in this story-verse the Trace on magical children is put on THEIR WANDS after they purchase them, and not on the children themselves. Accidental/wandless magic doesn't get flagged or reported to the Ministry in homes where at least one parent is magical. (e.g.: Harry got blamed for Dobby's hover charm because it was magic done in an otherwise Muggle house. If Severus does WANDLESS magic in his house, it won't register because his mum is a Witch so the Ministry doesn't monitor their house, just Sev's wand). Okay? Okay.

Another random clarification: the Potter Cottage in this fic is not the same house where Lily and James live with Harry under the Fidelus in canon. Potter Cottage is the ironically-named enormous family manor that has a cottage-esque architectural aesthetic. It's further outside of the town, with more privacy and bigger grounds.

On a much darker note: **TRIGGER WARNINGS (((which are also MASSIVE SPOILERS —scroll past this paragraph quickly if you don't want spoilers and ONLY if you're confident you don't need the warnings))) **for: domestic violence, discussions of abortion, violence towards a pregnant character resulting in the loss of the fetus, murder, minor character death, (technically also desecration of a corpse, sort of?) and discussions/recollections thereof. Also, unhealthy coping mechanisms for dealing with the aforementioned, PTSD-like episodes, depression, panic attacks, and dissociation.

**(((END OF SPOILERS/WARNINGS)))**

I won't be "showing" any extended graphic scenes of violence or murder, but those events will be recounted in the narrative, in very brief flashbacks, and in dialogue with some disturbing details. This is the darkest chapter of the fic—but things will get better from here on out. And there's some hurt/comfort at the end of the chapter, so it's not all pain and darkness.

Enjoy? :'(

**Chapter 4**

When he stepped through the front door hauling his Hogwarts trunk behind him, Severus hadn't expected the reprieve of finding only his mother home—it was a Saturday afternoon, after all, and Tobias should've been ensconced in his tatty stained recliner with a half-empty bottle of whiskey by now, shouting at either the news or a football game on the telly. Instead, Eileen stepped cautiously out of the kitchen to greet him, her shoulders visibly un-tensing when she realized who had entered.

"Oh, Severus," she said, stepping towards him to give him a one-armed hug. One-armed because her right arm was in a sling. "I forgot what day it was, love. Your father's working overtime, he probably won't be back til nightfall."

Severus returned the hug but quickly pulled back to look at her injured arm. "What's he done this time?"

Eileen looked down at the floor and said, "I just landed wrong, is all. Dislocated my shoulder hitting the stairs."

"Shouldn't you know how to catch yourself by now?" Severus snapped before he could bite it back—he always lashed out when he was angry, and the sight of his mother injured yet again was infuriating.

"I bloody well do," Eileen snapped back, with a rare spark of fight in her eyes that only seemed to come out when Severus needled her. It was better than the dull, dead-looking resignation that usually lived behind her eyes. She looked at Severus for a moment, then sighed and added pointedly, "I landed funny because I was protecting my stomach."

Severus blinked in shock. "What," he said in disbelief, despite understanding immediately.

"Severus—"

"Have you completely lost your mind? You want to bring another child into this fucking hell house?" he demanded.

Eileen winced but snapped back, "Don't you swear at me, Severus."

"Don't avoid the question—do you really think he's going to be any better with that one than he was with me?"

"This one might turn out Muggle."

Severus scoffed in disbelief. "Have you forgotten that you're still a witch?"

"The baby could be a Squib—or, well, not exactly a Squib, but a—" she trailed off again, seeming unable to find the right word. The term 'Squib' only applied to the rare cases of a non-magical child born to two magical parents.

"Exactly," Severus interrupted, "there's not a word for it, because it doesn't happen! Half-bloods are always magical—the magical blood always overrides the Muggle genes because it's genetically superior."

"Don't you start spouting that hatefulness—I grew up hearing that kind of talk and I won't listen to it from you."

Severus sighed, ran both hands through his hair in frustration, then took a deep breath and counted to ten slowly like Lily had taught him years ago to reign in his temper. Then he said much more calmly, "Can we sit down for a moment? I want to talk to you about something."

Eileen studied him for a moment, then nodded towards the kitchen and walked back into it, and Severus followed her. There was a sink full of dishes soaking, which she had apparently been trying to wash one-handed—and, even more ridiculously, without magic. Severus made a mental note to finish them for her. Eileen sat down at the table and Severus sat across from her.

"What is it, Sevvy?" she asked. His mother was the only one who Sev didn't mind calling him that. From her, it was comforting and it reminded him of the slightly happier days of his childhood before his magic had manifested and his father's wrath had increased tenfold. Tobias hadn't known Eileen was a witch when he married her—she'd turned her back on that world apart from the rare trip to Diagon Alley or St. Mungo's, and it had been Sev's accidental childhood magic that had brought out the truth. No wonder she was hoping for a Squib, however impossible it was.

Severus sighed, considered how best to begin his argument for leaving, then decided to lead with something that would intrigue her and not immediately put her on the defensive. "I've made a rather influential new friend."

"That's good, hon. Who is it?"

"James Potter."

Eileen frowned slightly, then said, "Isn't that the boy who picks on you and has a crush on Lily?"

Severus blinked. Damn. He must've complained about Potter to her at some point and then forgotten. "That was a long time ago," he lied.

"It was last year, Severus," Eileen said, raising an eyebrow at him. "You don't tell me much about Hogwarts, but what you do tell me, I remember."

Damn it. "I meant it feels like it was a long time ago," Sev said smoothly, "because he's changed a lot since then. We're actually very close now."

Eileen gave him a dubious look but said, "And he's not cruel to you anymore?"

"No. He feels guilty about all of that, and he's been trying to make it up to me." Severus paused, then took the plunge, "As a matter of fact, once he learned about our situation he offered to take both of us in—although I suppose it would be the three of us now," Severus said with a pointed glance down towards Eileen's stomach. Eileen's expression shifted into something simultaneously anxious and angry, and Severus hurriedly continued, "He's filthy rich and he made a point of saying that his house is huge and his parents are away a lot—it would be perfect—"

"Severus," Eileen finally interrupted, looking mortified and ashamed and betrayed all at once, "I've told you—we don't tell people about private family matters!"

"It's not 'family matters' it's fucking abuse!" Severus shouted, losing his temper. Eileen flinched back in her seat and Severus felt a pang of guilt but he pushed on, convinced that this unborn baby gave him much more leverage than the last time he'd tried to convince her to leave. "If you care about family so much, if you truly care about me or that baby at all, then you'll leave that bastard and we'll go live with Potter. We can go today, right now, before he gets back—"

Eileen had started shaking her head halfway through Sev's plea, and though she had tears in her eyes she said, "You don't give up on someone you love because they're going through a rough patch, Sev—"

"A rough patch? Dislocating your shoulder is a rough patch? Breaking your nose last year was a rough patch? What about all the times that he's broken our ribs or our arms, or whipped us with his belt until we bled, or put out cigarettes on my back? When he gave me a black eye when I was four years old—was that all one big rough patch?"

"Stop it," Eileen said in a small voice, staring down at the table.

"I'm trying to stop it! You won't fucking let me!"

Eileen let out a sob that she quickly muffled with a hand over her mouth. A tear fell and Severus watched it splash on the tabletop.

He sighed, and said in a much calmer voice, "Mum—I'm sorry for shouting. But please, please listen to me—this is a perfect way out. We have somewhere to go, money won't be an issue, and he won't be able to track us down. We can get away from all of this," he said with conviction, letting himself hope that he would get through to her this time. "That baby can grow up safe and happy, and never have to be afraid of their own father."

More tears hit the table, but when Eileen finally spoke, she said, "You go then," in a hushed, tearful voice. "Go abandon your family and live off your friend's charity. I'm not leaving. I'm not giving up on Toby—I love him, and it'll be different this time—"

Severus interrupted, "If I was going to abandon you I'd have done it years ago, instead of getting in his way and taking punches for you."

Eileen winced but said in a dull, rote voice, "A man's allowed to discipline his wife and child," and it was rote, because they'd both heard it a million times from Tobias after he'd hauled off and drunkenly punched one or both of them.

"It's not discipline, it's abuse! You know that! Why can you not just admit it and leave him?"

"It'll be different this time," she repeated. "This baby might turn out normal—"

"Normal?" Severus interrupted, his voice like ice. "I think you meant to say 'non-magical,' and as I pointed out before, it won't. You're a witch, whether you want to be or not, and his filthy muggle blood isn't going to—"

"Shut up!" Eileen interrupted, "I said I don't want to hear that rot from you!" She wiped her eyes, then looked at Severus and continued in a calmer tone, "Potters are a Light family, Severus. They always have been—what's your friend going to do if he hears you talking like you want to join that new Dark Lord?"

"Maybe I do want to join the Dark Lord," Severus spat out in a fit of pique. "Maybe I fucking will, and if James doesn't approve of it then he'll do the sensible thing and leave me—just like any sane person in a bad situation should do!"

And perhaps he didn't make quite the point that he'd intended with that, because after the initial horrified look at the suggestion of joining Voldemort, what his mother said after a long silence was, "What do you mean 'leave you'?" She glanced up, finally meeting his eyes again and giving him a piercing look.

"I—" Words failed him at the worst possible moment.

"Are you," she paused, then seemed to see something in Sev's expression that convinced her to finish asking, "are you dating that boy?"

"I—well—it's not really…official. Yet." Severus answered, half-mortified and half-relieved that he had finally (if indirectly) come out to her. He'd been too caught off guard in the moment to convincingly lie.

Eileen blinked. "He's asked you to move in with him, but it's 'not official'?" she asked, raising an eyebrow at Severus.

"We were barely on speaking terms when he offered that—it has nothing to do with the other." Severus glanced at his mother, not quite daring to use Legilimency on her in case she was secretly disgusted with him and just hiding it—he didn't think he could bear that. Even so, he had to ask, "Does it bother you?"

"No, love," Eileen said, giving him a tight smile and adding, "Just don't tell your father."

"I'm not an idiot."

"What about Lily, though?"

Severus had never outright told his mother that he and Lily were dating last summer, but somehow she'd known anyway.

Severus looked away, staring down at the table and answering, "I ruined things rather spectacularly with her. I'll be lucky if she agrees just to be my friend again." Eileen's brow furrowed and she started to ask a question but Severus quietly cut her off with, "I don't want to talk about it."

"All right."

There was a long moment of rather awkward silence, and then Severus finally asked, "Does he know yet? About the baby?"

"No," Eileen said, an anxious look overtaking her features. "But I'll have to tell him before much longer. I'll start showing soon."

"He's not going to be pleased—you know that, Mum."

"He might be," she said, in a small voice. "He'd seemed happy when I told him I was pregnant with you."

Severus gave her a humorless, bitter smile, and said, "Yes, until I turned out to be 'an ungodly little freak' and you had to tell him the truth, and my existence ruined your perfect marriage. I've heard." Many, many times he'd heard it from Tobias, usually before or right after a punch. It had taken Severus years to stop believing that he deserved it, and to stop believing that it was his fault that his father hurt them both.

"Severus—"

"No," he said, standing up and heading for the door. He paused in the kitchen doorway and didn't raise his voice at all when he said coldly and matter-of-factly, "You should've just gotten rid of me before I was born. And you should get rid of that one if you plan to stay with him—it would be cruel to bring another child into this 'family'," he said, putting a sarcastic emphasis on the last word.

He walked out, ignoring the sound of his mothers' breath hitching as she muffled another sob, and stubbornly blinking back the tears that wanted to fall from his own eyes. He hated speaking so cruelly to her—hated to in any way resemble his father—but it would be worth it in the end if his brutal honesty made her see sense and reconsider, if it would finally persuade her to leave for this baby's sake if not for Sev's or her own. And aside from that, it just made him so fucking angry when she defended that monster, when she refused to leave him, when she claimed to still love the bastard.

Severus grabbed his trunk out of the sitting room and started noisily dragging it upstairs to his bedroom, muttering under his breath. "There you go, Potter, I fucking tried. And it was probably just as pointless as I told you it would be," he hissed, but he wasn't angry at James—he was angry at himself because he'd gotten his hopes up. He'd hoped—he'd actually believed for a moment that he'd managed to convince her and that she'd grab a bag and start packing any second—only to be disappointed yet again. But he'd given it his best shot, and now he just had to wait and see if she would come around with time.

He pushed open the door to his room, dropped the trunk at the foot of his bed for now, then sat down on the edge of the lumpy mattress and buried his face in his hands. A baby—Jesus fucking Christ. He could picture it a little too clearly—a tiny brother or sister that he would inevitably love, another person to protect, another person to tie him here if his mum kept refusing to leave. Assuming, of course, that the baby survived the abuse Tobias put Eileen through long enough to even be born. Severus had to admit that it didn't seem likely, and he pushed away all thoughts of these hypothetical futures, and pushed away the budding attachment he already felt.

Occlude, he told himself, push it all down. He took a few deep breaths until the sting in his eyes started to fade. When he felt like he had himself under control, he took both his wand and Tom's business card out of his pocket, knelt down, and crawled halfway under his bed to hide them both underneath a loose floorboard. He always hid his wand there during the summers, since threatening to break it was one of Tobias' favorite pastimes. That done, he stood up and calmly walked back downstairs and back into the kitchen.

Eileen was still sniffling at the table, and Severus felt a pang of guilt that he quickly forced down into a locked box in his mind with the rest of his emotions. He didn't say anything, and neither did she. Severus mechanically put on a pot of the chamomile tea that she liked, then he stood at the sink and started silently washing the dishes.

~ * ~ * ~ * ~

When James' parents never showed up at Platform 9 and he was instead collected and taken home by the family house-elf Tally, he hadn't expected to have a very exciting summer. He read the letter his parents had left him—a veiled explanation that they were on an important 'charity tour,' which actually meant they were still off on Order business discreetly lobbying every Light and Grey family with money and/or influence (in England and on the continent) and trying to rally a greater opposition to the rising Dark Lord—and he had fully expected to spend the summer bored and in an unnatural state of jealousy over how secretly badass his parents were. He'd expected to bounce around between Remus' house and Peter's (Sirius never invited anyone to his, because of his family's Darker leanings) since both of their parents were annoyingly strict about not letting them come over to James' house when his parents were away. He'd expected to pine over both Severus and Lily, and worry nonstop about whether Sev was okay. He'd expected it to be a long, boring, lonely summer.

He had not expected to be woken up at half-past midnight less than a week into the summer hols by Tally frantically telling him that a boy covered in blood and bruises had just come through the floo and fallen out of the fireplace.

James' blood ran cold and he shot out of bed and down the stairs as fast as he could go without tripping. When he got to the sitting room, he froze for a moment—Severus was sitting on the floor with his back pressed into the corner between the wall and the fireplace. He had his knees drawn up, and he seemed to be staring at his hands, which were shaking and smeared with blood. There were large splotches of blood on the knees of his black-faded-nearly-gray joggers, and blood on his bare feet, but it didn't seem to be his own—rather, it looked like he had knelt in a puddle of it. He had a black eye and a split lip and a rather alarming ring of redness around his neck that would later darken into bruises. Tears ran down his face unimpeded, but his rapid shallow breaths seemed more like hyperventilation than sobbing.

James finally found his voice and called out, "Sev?"

Severus flinched, but when he looked up and saw James he seemed to sag with relief. James was at his side in a heartbeat, sitting on the floor next to him and pulling him into a hug regardless of the blood on his clothes. Severus clung onto him and buried his face in his shoulder.

"Sev, what happened?" James asked, still half in shock at his appearance.

Severus took a shuddery breath, then said in a chillingly neutral voice, "I killed him."

James' breath caught, but he held Sev tighter at the same time.

"What?" James whispered.

"He killed her," Sev said, a spike of pain slipping into his voice. "She told him that she," Sev paused for what might've been a breath or a sob, "she was pregnant, and he—" he stopped and his breathing picked up like he was about to hyperventilate again.

"It's all right," James murmured, trying to soothe Severus at the same time that he was hoping this would all turn out to be an extremely vivid nightmare because _holy fuck_, "you don't have to say it."

Severus shook his head as if disagreeing, then sucked in a deep breath and forced out the words. "He hit her and started shouting that there'd be no more freaks in his house, and he punched me and slammed my head against the wall when I tried to stop him, and—" Severus faltered again but only for a second, "he stabbed her in the stomach and he kept hitting her and he tried to strangle me, and I—I—" his voice broke and a sob finally escaped, quickly muffled when he pressed his face harder into James' chest.

"Shhh," James said, lifting one hand to stroke through Sev's hair, trying to comfort him and simultaneously trying not to panic. "You're safe now."

Severus laughed, and it was an ugly broken noise that was half a sob. Then he sniffled and said, "Safely on my way to Azkaban."

James' brow furrowed, and he clung tighter to Sev and said, "They don't put people in Azkaban for self-defense."

"They do for Unforgivables."

James tensed and asked, "What?" because if Severus had used his wand at all, it should've alerted the Ministry right away since he was underage and had the Trace on his wand, and doubly so if he'd used an Unforgivable. Somehow he doubted that Sev, looking beaten and half-concussed as he did, had managed to escape a team of Aurors to floo here. "They would've arrested you already," James argued, partly because what Sev was claiming didn't make sense and partly because he just didn't want to believe that Severus would do such a thing. "I mean, the Trace—"

Severus exhaled a shuddery breath, then admitted in a whisper, "I didn't use my wand."

James froze yet again, but after a moment of rather tense silence, his hand resumed its motion of stroking through Sev's hair. His fingers brushed up against a sticky wetness, and he pulled back his hand to find Sev's blood on it. "You've got a head wound," James said, "you're probably remembering wrong." He had to be—James had seen Severus use wandless magic, but it was impossible to cast a wandless Killing Curse…wasn't it?

"My wand was under a floorboard all the way upstairs," Severus said quietly, "I know what I did." Severus reached up to wipe his eyes, but made no move to pull away from James' embrace. James worried at the gash on the back of Sev's head, prodding around the edges of it and trying to see how bad it was through his blood-matted hair.

"This doesn't look too deep," James finally said. He wished he could do something to help, but he was still awful at healing spells and not allowed to use his wand outside of school anyway.

"I've had worse," Severus muttered. The two of them sat there in silence for a long moment, until Severus finally asked in a small voice, "If I write a letter for Lily, will you make sure she gets it?"

"You can give it to her yourself, Sev—you're not going to Azkaban."

"I used the Killing Curse on a Muggle," Sev said, his tone once again unnervingly numb—James finally realized that Sev must be Occluding like mad just to be able to function right now. "And unless you're offering to help me get rid of the body—" Severus went silent all at once, and James glanced down at him, concerned.

"Sev?"

"I—damn it," he muttered.

"What?"

"I've just remembered something that might get me out of this after all," Severus said, pulling out of James' arms and trying to stand. He overbalanced and nearly fell over, but James scrambled up to his knees and caught him in time.

"Sit back down," James said when Severus tried to stand up again. "You need to rest, and you probably have a concussion."

"I'm fine, Potter. Just—forget I came here, all right?"

"I bloody well won't! Where do you think you're going?"

Severus finally managed to stand up, and James stuck to his side with one arm around him to support him. Severus swayed slightly, so James turned to face him instead, putting both hands on his shoulders. For a long moment, Sev stared at James with a cautious, appraising look. Then he finally answered, "Before term ended, Bellatrix gave me a way to contact someone who can help with Dark or illegal problems."

James blinked. "Bellatrix? You can't trust her—it's probably some Death Eater—"

"Yes James," Sev interrupted, nerves and anger finally creeping into his tone, "it probably is, but I don't see any other fucking choice! Do you?"

"I—" he took a deep breath, swallowed, then despite the sick feeling in his stomach he said, "I have an Invisibility Cloak." Severus raised an eyebrow at him, and James continued, "We could put it over your dad and, I dunno," he trailed off, feeling like anything he suggested would be in poor taste.

"Pitch him off a bridge into the river?" Sev finished James' sentence. "I'd love to, Potter, but we'd have to awkwardly drag an invisible body across a shitty part of a crowded Muggle city—even in the middle of the night we'd be spotted before we got to the next street over."

James bit his lip and wondered whether the Cloak would be big enough to completely cover him if he transformed into his stag and carried the body on his back. Then he wondered whether he'd even be able to stomach doing that—he'd never even seen a dead body, let alone lugged one around. He swallowed, and decided that if it was the only way to get Severus out of this mess, then he'd just have to endure it. "I—erm—"

"Besides," Severus interrupted before James could confess and make his offer, "he can't just wash up on the riverbank—there would be an investigation, and the autopsy would show that he didn't actually drown."

"The auto what?" James asked, secretly relieved that he wouldn't have to offer his stag after all.

"Muggle science. They cut open dead bodies to figure out the cause of death."

"That's disgusting," James said, wrinkling his nose.

Severus laughed, but it was a slightly unhinged laugh that set James' nerves on edge. "Yes," Severus said after a moment. "Yes, it is."

"This contact," James asked awkwardly, realizing that it probably was their only choice since neither of them were allowed to do magic out of school, "do you know what he's going to charge? My parents keep an emergency stash of Galleons in the house, but if he wants more than a few thousand I'll have to go to Gringotts, and then that's going to leave a money trail—"

Severus put his index finger vertically over James' lips to hush him, and James realized that he'd been rambling. "I was told that he trades in favors," Severus answered before moving his finger away.

James blinked. "So you're going to owe a favor to some Death Eater—?"

"You don't know for certain that he's a Death Eater," Severus interrupted, but his tone sounded dull and lacked conviction.

"Severus—"

"Potter, this is the only option I have right now, so either help me or fucking let go of me!"

James still had both hands on Sev's shoulders; he tightened his hold just a fraction, then met Sev's anxious glare head-on and said, "I'm not letting go." Severus let out a breath he'd evidently been holding, then stepped in closer and wrapped his arms around James, resting his head against his chest. James hugged him back tightly and repeated, "Not letting go."

~ * ~ * ~ * ~

The return trip to Severus' house via illegal floo connection was just as bumpy as before, and it ended with an equally graceless landing. Severus managed to get to his feet in time to catch Potter when he came through right behind him.

"Merlin, that's rough," Potter griped as Severus steadied him, dusting himself off and setting the jar of extra floo powder that he'd brought from his house down on the mantel. Potter had wanted to bring his Invisibility Cloak but Severus had talked him out of it with the suggestion that Tom might demand it as payment. The blasted Cloak certainly explained how Potter had gotten away with so much mischief over the years, and if Severus hadn't felt so entirely numb at the moment, he probably would've been jealous and rather cross about it.

"My room's upstairs," Severus said, heading for the staircase.

Potter didn't follow—he'd spotted Tobias' limp, dead arm sticking out from the kitchen doorway, and he'd frozen in place to stare at it.

Severus waited a moment, then said, "Potter. Come on." James flinched but seemed to snap out of it. He turned to follow Severus, looking ill.

"Right, sorry," James mumbled.

"Don't look in the kitchen, all right?" Severus warned him. "There's—" he paused to swallow uncomfortably, "a lot of blood." The image swam up of his mother laying on her side on the kitchen floor with both arms curled around her stomach, sobbing and reciting healing spells, trying to wandlessly stop the bleeding to no avail while Tobias kept hitting her. Stop it, Severus told himself as he clamped down hard with his Occlumency and forced the memory away. He could break down later.

James nodded silently, following Severus up the narrow stairs and into his cramped room. Severus shut the bedroom door just to put another degree of separation between himself and the nightmare downstairs. He let out a heavy sigh, and when he turned around James was right there pulling him into another hug.

"I'm so sorry, Sev," James murmured into his ear.

Severus hugged him back, but said, "Don't be too nice to me right now, Potter, I don't think I can handle it."

James huffed a laugh and said, "Right, what was I thinking? I should call you a couple of names for old times' sake instead. Maybe stick your head in a toilet."

Severus was too numb to laugh, but he laid his head against James' chest and replied, "Thankfully, you've never actually done that."

"Well, I definitely should then. Spice things up with a little variety."

"Loo's across the hall," Severus said.

James chuckled, but all he did was hold Sev a little tighter and press a brief kiss to the top of his head. After a moment he asked, "Do you want to get cleaned up a bit, or rest for a moment—?"

"No," Sev interrupted. "I want this to be over with."

He pulled away from James and walked over to his bed, kneeling down and wincing a bit as he crawled underneath it. He didn't think anything was broken this time, but his back and ribs were sore from hitting the floor when his father had thrown him down, not to mention the gash on the back of his head which was throbbing rather painfully now that the adrenaline and had finally worn off, and his throat which burned and ached and was twice as bad whenever he spoke or swallowed. He felt around for the loose floorboard, popping it open and retrieving his wand and the business card, then he awkwardly slithered backwards out from under the bed. James was still standing next to the door, leaning against the wall with his arms crossed and an anxious but determined expression on his face.

Severus pocketed his wand, then knelt by his school trunk at the foot of his bed and dug through it for a quill and ink. He didn't have a proper desk in his room, so he remained on the floor and just closed the lid of the trunk to use it as a table top. Movement in his peripheral vision made him flinch, but it was just James sitting down beside him.

"Tom?" James asked curiously, spying the card.

Severus nodded. "According to Bellatrix, he's some kind of fixer, but also…a recruiter, of sorts." It was going to come out anyway if Potter stuck around for this—it would be better for him to hear it from Severus now rather than lose his temper at an inopportune moment.

James' expression darkened, and he said more than asked, "For You-Know-Who?"

Severus nodded again, not meeting James' eyes.

"So he is a Death Eater. Why the fuck would you even take that card?" James demanded.

"I'm a half-blood in Slytherin—if I don't keep up certain appearances then I become a target," he answered, and while that was true, it wasn't the whole truth.

"Sev, this is too dangerous," James said, running an anxious hand through his hair. "You can't go getting mixed up with that lot. It was clearly self-defense—we should just call the Aurors and explain—"

"No, Potter! I used an Unforgivable—"

"But if your magic was just automatically protecting you, you can't be blamed for that—"

"It wasn't accidental magic," Severus said looking away towards the floor. "I said the words." Another flash of memory—his father's hands squeezing Sev's throat, pinning him to the floor. Sev catching a glimpse of his mother's dead and bleeding body only a meter away. Gathering up all of the hatred he'd ever felt for the abusive Muggle, gathering up his magic, shoving both hands against Tobias' chest and choking out Avada Kedavra as he let his magic free. Severus shuddered and shoved the memory back down, then continued, "It was deliberate, wandless magic. And if the Aurors get involved, they'll question me under Veritaserum and toss me in Azkaban for murder."

He could feel James staring at him in silence but he didn't dare look up.

"What about the Muggle Aurors, then?" James finally suggested.

"They're called police," Severus corrected automatically.

"Yeah, those. They won't recognize the Killing Curse. You can say he had a heart attack while he was, you know," James trailed off awkwardly.

"The autopsy would show there was no heart attack. And I've heard that the Aurors keep tabs on the Muggle police to look for suspicious deaths that might be magic-related. Especially these days."

James was quiet for a long moment before finally sighing and saying, "Sev, I really don't like this."

"I don't either," Severus said, and it wasn't quite a lie. He had wanted to meet the Dark Lord's recruiter under more impressive circumstances, not beaten and bloody and begging for a favor. "But it's the only way out of this that I can see." He paused, swallowed painfully, then continued, "You don't have to stick around—it might be better for me to talk to him alone."

"Like hell you will," James said fiercely, his protective streak surfacing again. "I'm not going anywhere."

"James—"

"No. Write him," James said, nudging the quill on top of the trunk closer to Sev. "Let's get this over with."

Severus looked up and locked eyes with James—Sev's head was still killing him and he was putting all of his mental energy into Occluding just so he could function without having a breakdown—but even without Legilimency he could see that James was determined to help him, to protect him, to stay.

"All right," Severus said, looking away. He flipped over Tom's card to the blank side, picked up the quill, and took a moment to plan his words before dipping the quill in ink.

'My name is Severus Snape,' he wrote. 'Bellatrix Black gave me your card and said you could help with Dark, illegal, or magically interesting problems. I find myself in a rather urgent situation that is all three.'

Severus paused to consider how to phrase a request to meet without sounding too desperate, and the words he'd already written suddenly faded away as if absorbed into the card.

Severus blinked. James asked, "What was that?"

But new words were already appearing, the ink reforming in an elegant, unfamiliar handwriting. 'Hello, Severus.' It read. 'I was wondering when I would hear from you—Bellatrix spoke very highly of your abilities.' The words gleamed like fresh ink for a moment before disappearing. More words took their place. 'But before we converse any further, I'll need to know who else is there with you.'

Severus felt a chill, and James whispered a clearly unnerved, "What the fuck?"

There was a pause, then Tom added, 'The card's magic tells me that you're not alone, and I would be very disappointed if there were an Auror standing over your shoulder.' The words lingered ominously for a moment before sinking back into the card and leaving it blank again.

Severus and James exchanged an uneasy glance, then James held out his hand and said, "Give me the quill for a sec."

Severus hesitated, but handed it over and pushed the card closer to James, who leaned over it and wrote, 'My name is James Potter. I'm Sev's friend, not an Auror. I came to help him but neither of us can use magic outside of school, so our hands are tied.'

There was a pause, then the ink disappeared and Tom's reply appeared in its stead. 'And what exactly are the two of you requesting of me?'

Severus took the quill back and wrote, 'I'd rather discuss that in person.'

The words disappeared, and then Tom replied, 'I'm a busy man, Severus.' The slant of his writing seemed to convey annoyance. 'Either make your request and intrigue me, or stop wasting my time.'

Fuck. Severus took a deep breath, then quickly wrote back, 'My abusive muggle father just murdered my pregnant witch mother, and then went after me. I killed him with a wandless Avada Kedavra and now I need to get rid of his body some way that won't get the Aurors involved.'

The words disappeared into the card and there was a rather long pause.

'Well,' Tom finally wrote back, 'that's certainly intriguing, and I do enjoy a challenge.' Severus let out the breath he'd been holding, and he heard James do the same beside him. The line of writing disappeared to be replaced with a simple, 'Where are you?'

'The floo address is Spinner's End,' Severus wrote, hurriedly warning out of courtesy, 'but it's an illegal connection so it's a bit rough.'

Tom replied, 'I'll be there shortly.' The ink disappeared, and the card stayed blank.

Severus' heartbeat picked up a bit as he hurriedly stood up, realizing that he was not entirely ready for this. "Fuck," he muttered, turning to James as he stood up too. "Just—let me do the talking, okay?" Severus insisted. "And don't let on that we're anything more than friends—he could use it as leverage. Don't mention Lily for any reason. Don't mention that you have that Cloak, either. And—"

"Sev," James interrupted, putting both his hands on Sev's shoulders, "breathe."

Severus nodded and met his eyes and took a deep breath, then added, "And don't have a temper tantrum if I have to act like I want to join the Dark Lord, all right?"

James's lips thinned in annoyance, but he said, "Fine. Just—don't agree to anything you can't get yourself out of."

Severus nodded again, then he reached both hands up to cradle James' face and leaned in to press a brief, chaste kiss to his lips. Then he let go, grabbed the card and shoved it back in his pocket, and stepped away to open the door. "Come on," he said, hurrying back down the stairs with James on his heels.

They arrived in the living room just in time for the floo to flare to life, but instead of a man stepping (or falling) out, a wraith-like swirl of black smoke emerged, flew to the center of the sitting room, and then solidified into a wizard.

"Whoa," James murmured from behind him, sounding reluctantly impressed.

Severus just stared in awe. Tom was—as Bellatrix had said—gorgeous, but beyond that, the man just seemed to radiate power. Severus, already sensitive to magic, could also feel the intoxicating Dark tinge to the man's magic, which seemed to tug at Sev's own magic to try to draw him in.

"Severus and James, I presume?" Tom asked, giving them a charming smile that didn't quite reach his eyes.

Severus finally found his voice and said, "Yes—thank you for coming."

Tom nodded, then he spotted Tobias' arm and stepped towards the kitchen to peer inside, disdainfully kicking the dead arm out of the way so that it flopped back down onto the body instead of reaching into the living room. Then he glanced towards the other side of the kitchen, where Sev knew his mother's body was laying in a pool of blood. "Well," Tom said after a moment. "I'm sorry for your loss."

"Thank you," Severus replied quietly, noting that Tom's sympathy, much like his smile, didn't seem entirely genuine.

"You say you cast the Avada Kedavra wandlessly?" Tom asked quietly, not looking away from the gruesome scene in the kitchen.

"Yes," Severus confirmed.

"And was it intentional, or was it your accidental magic protecting you?"

"I spoke the words," Severus said quietly. "I meant it."

"That's very impressive, Severus."

Severus looked at the floor and uncomfortably crossed his arms. "It was a life or death situation—I don't know if I could do it again. I can only manage a few simple wandless spells on a consistent basis."

"That's still more than most grown wizards ever manage," Tom said, before adding, "Take the compliment, Severus, I don't offer them lightly."

Severus blinked, then said, "Of course. Thank you."

Tom finally turned back around to face them, and Severus strengthened his Occlumency shields a bit more, feeling inexplicably unnerved by the man despite being rather in awe of him. "So," Tom said, lifting an eyebrow, "how do you want to do this, Severus? Make him disappear as though he's on the run? Make them both disappear and get rid of any evidence? Make it look like a murder-suicide?"

Severus swallowed, then said, "I want it known that he killed her. He's a monster and I want everyone to know. I don't want to have to pretend to mourn him… And, if they think he's alive and in hiding, investigators will keep coming around—I don't want that either. I want this to be over."

Tom nodded rather clinically, then turned back towards Tobias' body. He leaned over it and reached down to hold one of the dead man's eyelids open, then he stared at the body for a long moment before finally straightening up and smiling at Severus. "I think I have the perfect solution—though if you'd waited much longer to contact me, it would've been too late."

"What are you going to do?" James asked, making Severus jump slightly. He'd almost forgotten he was there.

"First," Tom said, stepping towards the two of them, "I'm going to heal Severus' wounds before he passes out."

Severus took a step back when Tom raised his wand, and Sev protested, "It's evidence."

"It's unnecessary," Tom argued, "seeing as you weren't even here when all of this happened." Severus blinked, and Tom elaborated, "If you were present, the authorities would insist on interviewing you as a witness. We're going to say you were out wandering around, as teenagers do, and you tragically came home to find your mother dead and your father missing."

"If the Aurors insist on Veritaserum—" Severus started, apprehensively.

"The Aurors won't be involved," Tom said. "This is going to look like a completely muggle crime. Tragic of course, since a witch died, but not warranting a full Auror investigation since there won't be any traces of magic used on either body."

"How are you going to manage that?" James asked.

Tom smiled, then asked in a tone that reminded Severus of his professors, "Did you know that certain spells leave no actual magical traces after they've been used? Legilimency, certain diagnostic spells, The Imperius Curse, The Killing Curse," he said, gesturing towards Tobias' body, before smirking and pointedly adding, "Possession."

Severus blinked. "You can possess a dead body?"

"For a very limited amount of time after death, yes, I certainly can. Not everyone is capable of it, mind you, and it's quite unpleasant." Tom glanced over his shoulder at the body and added, "And our window of time is rapidly closing."

"All right," Severus said. "Do whatever you need to do."

"I think he should stumble down the pavement a bit as if drunk, shout to a few witnesses that he murdered his wife—assuming that I can still get his vocal chords to work—and then step into oncoming traffic," Tom suggested.

Severus' lip curled into a vindictive smile, and he said, "That sounds perfect."

Tom nodded at him, then stepped closer to Severus and lifted his wand. "Stand still," he said, then he applied healing spells to Sev's bruised neck, black eye, and split lip.

James spoke up despite sounding rather unnerved, and said, "There's a gash on the back of his head too, and he was moving like his ribs hurt earlier."

Tom stepped around behind Severus and healed the wound on his head before getting rid of the blood in his hair and on his clothes with a quick cleaning spell. "Lift up your shirt," Tom said clinically.

Severus did, remembering too late that he had meant to hide his scars from James, who sucked in a gasp at the sight of them. "Shut up, Potter," Severus hissed as Tom set about healing the soreness and bruises on his back and ribs. Sev's back was littered with round scars from cigarette burns, some long straight scars from belt lashes that had gotten infected, and a few irregular, vaguely triangular scars from when a corner of Tobias' belt buckle had caught him wrong and taken out a small chunk of flesh on the occasions when the bastard had decided to hold the belt backwards and whip him with the buckle end of it.

"Don't be ashamed, Severus," Tom said smoothly as he finished healing Sev and stepped away. "Those scars prove that you're stronger than your father. You survived him—he didn't survive you."

Severus blinked and then cleared his throat, grateful when it no longer hurt. "Thank you," he said quietly.

Tom nodded and stepped towards the fireplace.

"Where are you going?" James asked, sounding both concerned and suspicious.

"I'll be right back," Tom said, grabbing a handful of floo powder and throwing it into the fireplace. He stepped inside, transforming back into that smoky darkness mid-step and hissing a destination that Severus couldn't make out before disappearing into the flames.

Behind Severus, James let out a heavy breath and said, "What the hell?"

"Some kind of really advanced Dark elemental flying spell. It's brilliant," Severus said absently.

"Not that," James said, frustrated. "He just took off! What if he doesn't come back?"

Severus shrugged. "Then you go home and pretend you were never here, and I'm no worse off than I was before."

James glared at him and stepped closer. "I told you I'm not going anywhere."

Severus forced a weak smile, but before James could make any more declarations, the fireplace flared to life again, and the dark shadow flew back out, this time rematerializing into not only Tom, but also an enormous snake draped around him like a deadly scarf.

Severus stared. James swallowed nervously and asked, "Er, what's the snake for?"

"Insurance," Tom answered, sitting down in Tobias' tatty recliner after giving it a look of disgusted resignation and hitting it with a quick cleaning charm. "It takes significantly more effort and concentration to possess a corpse, which is going to leave my body vulnerable while I do it. If anyone gets within two meters of me or otherwise threatens me while I'm occupied, Nagini here is going to make them regret it." He gave both Severus and James a pointed look, then asked, "Understood?"

James just nodded and took a few steps back, but Severus answered with a cautious and respectful, "Yes, sir." He was beginning to suspect that Tom was more than he appeared to be. The snake, seeming entirely too intelligent, flicked her tongue out while looking back and forth between James and Severus. She hissed softly and Tom smiled, seemingly in response. Severus felt a chill go down his spine.

"Just 'Tom' is fine, Severus… Now," Tom said, almost cheerfully, as though he hadn't just implicitly threatened them with death-by-snake. "Before I dispose of him, is there anything you'd like for me to make him say to you? An apology, perhaps?"

Severus considered it for a moment, then shook his head. "It wouldn't be real. I don't see the point."

James spoke up and said, "Make him say 'I'm a piece of shit, and you never deserved anything I did to hurt you'."

Tom glanced at James and then back at Sev, quirking an eyebrow. "Shall I?"

Severus shrugged. "I suppose."

Tom smirked, then gestured towards the staircase. "I suggest you both sit down on the stairs and don't make any sudden movements. Nagini won't seriously harm you unless you get too close or attack me, but it's never a good idea to startle her."

"Right," James said nervously, catching Sev's eye before walking across the room towards the stairs. He sat down on the third step from the bottom, and Severus sat beside him. Their sides were pressed close together by the narrowness of the staircase, and James took advantage of the cover to slip an arm behind Severus and rub his hand soothingly along Sev's back.

"Ready?" Tom asked from the armchair, with Nagini draped around him.

Severus nodded and said, "Yes, sir."

Tom quirked an eyebrow at him, then smiled slightly before closing his eyes and going completely still.

The doorway to the kitchen was on the same wall as the staircase, so Severus and James couldn't see into it from their position, but Nagini and Tom could've from the recliner.

For a long moment, nothing seemed to happen. Then, from the kitchen, there came a series of faint noises—fabric shifting, a dull muffled scraping, a slap like someone's palm hitting the linoleum—all the small noises of someone slowly picking themself up off the floor. Nagini turned towards the kitchen when the noises started, but after a moment there was a quiet hissing noise from within the kitchen, and Nagini swiftly looked away and fixed her stare back on James and Severus. As if ordered to.

Severus blinked. Tom seemed to be a Parselmouth…and he was definitely an incredibly powerful Dark wizard who could turn into flying shadows and possess corpses, who was both charismatic and terrifying, and who recruited for the Dark Lord. The same Dark Lord who was rather famously a Parselmouth.

While lost in his rather alarming speculations, Severus failed to notice that his father's corpse had stood and stepped unsteadily into view next to the recliner where Tom and Nagini sat. Severus glanced up and did a double take, a jolt of panic shooting through him before he forcibly reminded himself that Tobias was dead and this was just a shell.

"Severus," the corpse said, Tobias' voice coming out grittier and more guttural than it should've been, but still familiar enough to give Severus chills. Once he had Severus' attention, the corpse said in stilted, painful-sounding speech, "I'm a piece of shit…and you… never deserved…anything I did…to hurt you." Tobias' eyes stayed open, fixed and unblinking, as dead looking as the rest of him.

Severus blinked a few times, then looked away at the floor and said, "Please just get rid of him."

He kept his eyes on the floor as the corpse stumble-stepped towards the front door without another word, jerkily pulling the door open and then closing it hard in his wake.

"Holy fucking shit, Sev," James said as soon as the corpse had lurched out the door. "I think I'm going to have nightmares."

Severus let out a breath, then leaned closer to James' ear and said very quietly but urgently, "James—don't do or say anything in front of the snake that you wouldn't in front of him, all right?"

"What? Why?" James asked quietly, tensing and turning to face him.

"Just trust me, all right?" Severus asked, glancing up to meet James' eyes.

"All right," James said, stiffly sitting still next to Severus instead of pulling him into a hug like he probably desperately wanted to do. After a few quiet, awkward seconds, James whispered, "You think it can understand us?"

"Maybe," Severus whispered back. "Just be quiet. And don't be obvious about it, but try not to look Tom directly in the eyes." Another whisper he'd heard about the Dark Lord was that he was a master Legilimens.

James gave him a curious look but nodded, then he stared down at where their legs were pressed together and resumed discreetly rubbing Sev's back while they waited in silence. Severus leaned into the touch, letting his eyes slip closed and taking the opportunity to reinforce his Occlumency shields even further. Just in case, Sev told himself.

It seemed like both hours and merely seconds before there was a sudden intake of breath and Tom's eyes flew back open as he leaned forward in the chair hissing, "Sssssalazar, that was unpleasant." He glanced up, caught Sev's eye and elaborated, "I've just walked him in front of a bus right outside a busy pub. Plenty of witnesses saw it and heard him shouting that he'd killed his wife. The muggle police shouldn't look too deeply into the cause or time of death. They'll show up here at some point tonight, but you can go ahead and leave—I'll stick around and make them believe they've already spoken to you and decided that you're neither a witness nor a suspect."

"Thank you," Severus said quietly, looking slightly below Tom's eyes rather than meeting them directly, "for all of this. I'm in your debt."

"Yes, you are," Tom said matter-of-factly, idly petting Nagini as if she were a lap cat rather than a deadly serpent. "But we can discuss that later." He paused, still stroking Nagini's scales, and then he asked, "Is this house registered under the muggle or Wizarding system—for the deed and property taxes and so forth?"

Severus blinked, not expecting that question at all. "I'm not sure."

"If it's Wizarding, everything will go to you automatically. If it's muggle, things get a bit more complicated and their government will likely take it from you."

"I don't care if they take it," Severus said. There were no good memories in this house.

"Nonsense," Tom said. "You have to live somewhere."

"He'll live with me," James piped up. "It's already arranged."

Tom sent a curious look towards James, and Severus hoped Potter was heeding his advice about no eye contact. "Regardless," Tom said after a moment, glancing at Severus instead, "I'll look into the situation and ensure the house goes to you. Keep it, sell it, whatever." He glanced towards the kitchen where Eileen's body was still laying out of sight, then added pointedly, "The muggles have taken enough from you, Severus."

Severus held his breath, thinking that comment would serve as a segue into whatever recruitment speech Tom used, but instead the man simply looked back and forth between Severus and James before nodding towards the fireplace and saying, "Well go on, before the police show up."

Severus automatically stood up and felt James do the same, and he took a step towards the fireplace.

"Actually," James spoke up from beside him, his tone nervous but determined, "I'd like a favor too."

Severus turned to face James so fast it made him dizzy, and he shot him a warning glare.

"If you ask me a favor, you owe me a favor," Tom said mildly. "That's how it works."

"I know," James said.

"Potter, shut up!" Severus hissed, panic creeping in around the edges of his mind. If Tom really was the Dark Lord, as Severus suspected, then James had no idea what he was getting himself into.

"Let him ask, Severus," Tom said, sounding far too amused. "I'm curious now—what does James Potter want from me?"

Severus glared at James again silently pleading for him to shut up, but Potter just gave him a slightly apologetic look before glancing away at Tom instead and answering, "I want a Wizard's Oath swearing that when you call in Sev's favor you won't make him join the Death Eaters or make him kill or hurt anyone."

Tom huffed out a short laugh, then said, "How noble. You're clearly a Gryffindor." He stared in amusement at James for another moment before asking, "And what if I call in your favor, James, and ask you to join the Death Eaters or kill someone?"

James paled a bit, but answered, "I suppose I'd have to do it."

"Liar," Tom said, sounding much less amused now. "You would refuse or try to renegotiate or fail your task on purpose. I can hear it in your voice. I won't make an Oath with someone whose offer is in bad faith."

Severus felt the magic in the room shifting as Tom stood up, letting Nagini slither off of his shoulders to remain coiled in the armchair, and then he took a step towards them. Severus quickly stepped in front of James—the bloody self-sacrificing idiot didn't even know who he was antagonizing—and said to Tom, "Sir, I'm sorry, he's just overprotective. He didn't mean—"

Tom stepped even closer, peering suspiciously at Severus and asking, "What's all this 'Sir' business, Severus? That's the third time, and I've asked you to call me Tom."

"I'm sorry, Tom," Severus quickly corrected, "but please just ignore Potter, he—"

Severus froze when Tom suddenly reached out to grab Sev's chin and tilt his face up, forcing eye contact and pushing into his mind with Legilimency. Severus immediately dropped the shields he'd been using to hold back his shock and panic and grief all night—he knew it was extremely difficult for a Legilimens to navigate a mind in distress—and he simultaneously focused on what he thought Tom was looking for, intentionally bringing to the surface his suspicions that Tom was in fact Lord Voldemort.

"Let go of him!" James demanded, stepping closer as if to push Tom away.

Tom didn't even look his direction, he simply held up his free hand and wandlessly froze Potter in place, but his attention remained on Severus. Nagini hissed but stayed in the armchair.

After only a few seconds, Tom released both Severus' chin and his mind, and said quietly, "You certainly are a clever one, aren't you?" Severus was surprised to see that Tom looked impressed and almost pleased with him.

"I'm—I'm sorry," Severus gasped, feeling a deep chill in his chest as the anxiety and shock kicked in again due to dropping his shields, and his hands started to tremble. Severus tried to force everything back behind his Occlumency shields but it was more difficult this time, especially while he was simultaneously trying to plead clemency for Potter. "He—"

Tom interrupted, sounding almost bored, "He's a rash Gryffindor idiot who behaved like a rash Gryffindor idiot and will continue to do so unless precautions are taken." With a lazy wave of his hand, he released James, who glared at Tom but stepped closer to Severus and put a steadying arm around his trembling shoulders.

"Hey, it's all right," James said quietly. Severus nodded silently, then he finally managed to get a grip on himself and force all of the panic and grief and shock back down once more. He took a deep, steady breath, and then another and another. He knew full well that locking away his emotions was just going to make it even worse when he finally let everything out, but he forced himself to hold it off just a little longer. He had to.

"Potter," Tom said, drawing their attention back. "I'll take your Oath." Sev and James both blinked in surprise, and then Tom continued, "I'm also going to call in your favor right now and insist on an Oath from you as well—to not speak of tonight's events in detail to anyone except Severus or myself, and to never reveal my involvement in them, nor your own. You won't speak of my cards, or my name, or my connection to the Dark Lord. Is that clear?"

"Crystal," James said, still with a spark of defiance. "You first." Severus elbowed him none too discreetly.

"You should really mind your tone," Tom said dangerously. "I'm not someone you want as an enemy."

"I'll keep that in mind," James said, his tone still verging on flippant. Severus wanted to scream, and he decided in that moment that he would invent a spell that would let him force people to shut their damned mouths, and then he would practice it extensively on Potter.

"Do," Tom said pretentiously, before waving his wand and conjuring a piece of parchment and handing it to James, who glanced at it but didn't bother to read it all. Severus briefly peered at it—it seemed to contain the precise wording of the Oath that Tom requested.

"Yeah, I can't magic up a fancy parchment for you, sorry," James said, choosing instead to repeat his request verbally. "I want your word that you won't make Severus join the Death Eaters, or kill anyone, or hurt anyone when you call in your favor. And if I have to swear not to speak of tonight in detail or talk about your involvement or my own, I think it's only fair that you swear the same."

Tom tilted his head, staring at James and considering it for a long moment before answering, "I have no objections to that."

"All right," James said.

Tom briefly glanced at Severus as though the two of them shared an inside joke, then raised his wand and said, "I," he paused, watching James' face before continuing the traditional state-your-name portion of the single-person Oath with, "Lord Voldemort," and Severus almost did want to laugh at how quickly the color drained from James' face at that revelation, "hereby swear not to force Severus Snape to join the Death Eaters or to kill or harm anyone as repayment for the favor I have done him today. I further swear not to discuss the details of tonight's events or the involvement of myself or James Potter with regards to the aforementioned with anyone except James Potter or Severus Snape. So mote it be." A silver light flashed from Tom's wand, sealing the Oath.

James stared a moment longer before swallowing and saying. "Ta. But I've just remembered that I can't use my wand outside of Hogwarts, so this'll have to wait—"

Tom gave him a flat look and said, "Nice try. Do you want to tell him, Severus, or shall I?"

Severus let out a nervous chuckle, then told James, "Single-person Oaths can easily be done wandlessly, Potter. Just get it over with."

James swallowed, glanced down at the parchment, then raised his empty wand hand and read, "I, James Potter, hereby swear not to discuss the details of the favor granted to Severus Snape tonight with anyone except Severus Snape or—" James hesitated for a second, then continued, "—Lord Voldemort. I swear not to discuss with anyone other than Severus Snape or Lord Voldemort my own involvement with tonight's events or the involvement of Lord Voldemort. I further swear never to reveal or in any way sabotage Lord Voldemort's alias Tom or his recruitment cards. So mote it be."

A brief flare of silver light flashed from James' hand, and he stared at it for a moment before clearing his throat and hesitantly handing the parchment back to Tom, who took it and wandlessly incinerated it in the palm of his hand. "Much obliged," he said to James. Then he jerked his head towards the fireplace and added, "Now get out."

James blinked, then muttered, "Fine," putting his arm on Sev's shoulder and nudging Sev along with him as he stepped towards the floo.

"Severus," Tom called, in a much friendlier tone than he's used with James. Severus paused and turned to face him. "Hold on to my card. I'll be in touch."

Severus nodded, and Tom gave him a small but seemingly genuine smile.

And then James was shuffling Severus towards the fireplace and throwing in the floo powder and dragging him in beside him and saying, "Potter Cottage," as quietly as he could.

This trip was the worst and roughest of all, because floo travel was intended for one person at a time, and Severus would've smacked James if his arms weren't already occupied with clinging on to the bloody idiot as the floo flung them roughshod through the network and spat them back out into Potter's living room.

They landed in a tangle of limbs on the floor, both sore and groaning as they sat up. After making sure all of his limbs were intact, Severus reached over and slapped Potter on the arm, demanding, "What absolute idiocy possessed you to do that, Potter?"

"I didn't want to leave you alone with him," James said sheepishly, "but I didn't really want to be alone with him either, so," he trailed off, offering Severus a weak smile.

"Even Gryffindor bravery has its limits?" Severus teased, although it came out a bit flat.

"That was Voldemort," James said, letting out a slightly delirious laugh. "That was actually bloody Voldemort. What the fuck."

"Indeed."

"I made Voldemort swear a Wizard's Oath," James said in a tone of awed disbelief.

"Don't dwell on it, your ego doesn't need to get any bigger," Severus said, suddenly exhausted as everything that had happened seemed to hit him all at once. His Occlumency shields slipped, and his hands started shaking again while his breathing picked up. When he looked up, James was already staring at him with a concerned frown, and he looked rather shaky and pale himself.

"Tally?" James called, and a few seconds later a house-elf popped into the room.

"Yes, Master James?" the elf asked, her large eyes glancing back and forth between James and Severus, looking nervous and concerned.

"Can you bring both of us a Calming Draught and a Dreamless Sleep potion?" James asked.

"Right away, Tally will," she said, disappearing and reappearing a moment later with four vials of potions.

"Ta," James said, taking one of each for himself and handing the others to Severus. "Take us up to my room, Tal? I don't think I can stand up without falling over right now."

Tally stepped closer and put one hand on James' arm and the other on Sev's knee, and in a blink they were all transported to a spacious but messy bedroom, on top of the most comfortable bed Severus had ever encountered.

"Is Master James and his friend ill? Does Tally need to fetch Master and Mistress home from their trip?"

"No," James said immediately, "no, don't bother them. We'll be fine. We just had a rough night. You can go, Tally."

Tally gave them both another worried glance, then popped away.

James uncorked his vial of Calming Draught and drank it all in one swallow, then said, "Well, this certainly wasn't how I envisioned getting you in my bed."

Severus laughed but it came out sounding a bit unhinged, and James promptly took the other vial of Calming Draught out of Sev's hand and opened it for him, holding it up towards his lips. "I can drink it myself," Severus snapped, taking the vial, "I'm not an invalid." His hand shook quite a bit, but as soon as he took the potion, his panic seemed to recede back to a manageable level. He took a deep breath, then glanced back up at James and idly said, "You're not really supposed to mix Calming Draughts and Dreamless Sleep."

"Is it going to kill us?"

"No, but they'll increase each other's effects and keep us asleep longer—"

"Yeah, then I don't care. We've earned it." James uncorked the second vial and held it up like a toast, waiting for Sev.

Severus rolled his eyes but did the same. "What are we toasting?" he asked.

"I've no fucking idea," James replied.

Severus considered it for a second, then said, "To meeting the Dark Lord in our pajamas, and living to tell the tale."

James blinked and glanced down at himself (dark red pajama bottoms and a white tee shirt), and then seemed to actually notice Severus' clothes for the first time all night (faded black jogging bottoms and a dark grey long-sleeved shirt). "Oh, Merlin's balls," he said, mortified, but he let out a shaky laugh and clinked their vials together before drinking the potion at the same time as Severus.

Severus wrinkled his nose and commented, "Too much Valerian," after drinking the potion, which had a Slug and Jigger's label on the vial. "And the lavender petals weren't stewed long enough either. They should be embarrassed to sell this." It took effect quickly enough though, and Severus laid down and felt his eyes drooping closed.

"You're adorable," James murmured from right next to him, sounding amused.

Severus wanted to argue that he was no such thing, but settled for draping an arm over James instead and shifting to lay his head on his chest before giving in to the welcome oblivion of sleep.

~ * ~ * ~ * ~

When James woke up the next day, it was late afternoon and he still felt exhausted, but he was wrapped around someone warm, with his head pillowed on their chest and one arm and one leg thrown over top of them. His morning wood was also poking them in the side, and once James realized that, he scooted backwards a bit and sat up, rubbing the sleep from his eyes and realizing that it was Severus in bed with him. Severus, who was staring blankly at the ceiling and looked like he'd been awake for a while already.

"Er, good morning," James said awkwardly, still feeling rather overwhelmed by everything that had happened last night. He couldn't even imagine how Sev must be feeling.

Severus didn't react at all.

"Sev?" James tried again, concerned. He could see his chest slowly rising and falling, so he knew Sev was breathing, although that blank stare was unnerving. "Hey. Are you sleeping with your eyes open? Because I'm not going to lie, that's creepy." Still no reaction. James reached out and nudged Sev's shoulder, repeating, "Hey, Sev?" a bit louder.

This time, Severus' eyes slowly turned towards James, but no other part of him moved.

James let out a relieved sigh, and said, "There you are. Merlin, you had me worried—" Severus stayed silent and his eyes were already looking away towards the ceiling again. "Hey, no, Severus. Look at me, love. What's going on? Are you hurt? Do you need me to do anything for you?"

If bloody Voldemort had done something to Sev or missed a wound that needed healed, James was going to personally hunt the man down and kill him.

Severus' eyes flicked over to James again, then he replied in a low, numb sounding voice, "Leave me alone."

James blinked, feeling simultaneously relieved that Sev had answered and hurt by the request. "I don't think that's a good idea."

Severus sighed, then reached over and tugged at James' arm until he laid back down beside him. "Then be quiet, and just…let me go away for a little bit."

"Okay," James said uncertainly, laying against Sev's side and resting his head on Sev's chest again. His concern over Severus had deflated the morning wood problem, so he scooted even closer and put one arm and leg back across Sev in a full body embrace. He still wasn't convinced that this—dissociation? was that the word?—that Sev seemed to be doing was the healthiest way to deal with what happened; but then again, James had never killed anyone or experienced a loved one dying, so what did he know? If all he could do was just quietly be there for Severus, then that's what he would do.

~ * ~ * ~ * ~

Severus drifted.

He lost track of what time or even what day it was.

Everything was numbness or pain, there was no in-between. He either Occluded to the point of near-catatonia, or he relived his mother's death and his failure to save her and his father's hands squeezing his neck until Severus blasted him with that deadly green light and then he woke up shaking and hyperventilating and terrifying Potter with his histrionics.

Potter—James—was still there. Severus didn't know what to make of that.

James was warm and kind and sometimes he woke up in a panic too but all Severus could do was lay there like a useless lump while James clung to him.

He wasn't any good for James, just like he hadn't been any good for Lily. He didn't deserve either of them—he was a failure and a killer and they were both better off without him, but James never listened when Severus tried to tell him so.

Instead, James held him and stroked his hair and brought him food that went ignored and glasses of water and nutrient potions that he reluctantly drank. James helped him walk to the loo every so often, and some distant part of Severus was embarrassed about that, but it was better than falling over halfway there, or worse, risking pissing the bed. James stayed at his side, and either slept next to him or just laid there and held him.

After what felt like a year but might've been only a few days—time had disintegrated at some point—James sat down on the edge of the bed and took Sev's hand and said, "This isn't working, Sev."

"Then leave," Severus said numbly. He'd been expecting it. Everyone left him in the end, one way or another. James surely had no use for a broken—and probably filthy, he had no idea when his last shower had been—boy taking up space in his bed. His bed. Potter's bed. "I'll leave," Severus amended, but even sitting up would take a herculean effort that he knew he couldn't manage at the moment.

"No," James said quickly, apologetically, "that's not what I meant, love."

"Stop calling me that," Severus groused, his brain-to-mouth filter momentarily nonexistent. "You don't mean it."

"Don't tell me what I mean," James said nonsensically.

"Love is a sickness, Potter," Severus said. "It's a disease and it made my mum stay with that monster until he killed her, and you'd better not fucking mean it."

He was crying now, and distantly he was mortified with himself—Snivellus indeed—but he couldn't seem to stop. Then James was carefully helping Sev sit up and pulling him into an embrace, letting him sob into his shoulder for what was either ten minutes or an hour.

"It's all right," James said, combing his fingers through Sev's greasy, unwashed hair, "you need to let it out. You can't just keep zoning out like you were. It's been a week, Sev."

Severus sniffled, and without lifting his head up he asked, "Is that all?"

James let out a weak chuckle and said, "Feels like longer, I know."

"I'm sorry," Severus mumbled into James' shoulder. James was still stroking his hair and Sev had no idea how James could even stand to touch him—he knew he must look and smell atrocious.

"None of this was your fault," James said firmly.

"Shouldn't have dragged you into it."

"I don't mind."

Severus started crying into Potter's shoulder again, much to his mortification. Ten minutes or two hours later, he reached up to pull James' hand out of his hair.

"Stop touching me, I know I'm all greasy right now."

"A week in bed will do that to anybody," James said mildly, before offering, "Do you want me to have Tally run you a bath?"

Not especially, Severus thought—he would much prefer to lay back down and dissociate and never deal with his body or the world or life again. "I suppose," he said out loud.

"All right," James said, seeming pleased. He hugged Severus tighter for a moment before letting go just long enough to stand up. Then he put his arm around Severus and helped him to stand. "Tally?" he called on the way to the bathroom.

Tally popped into existence in front of them, asking, "Yes, Master James?'

"Run a warm bath for Severus, would you? And leave some clean clothes in the bathroom for him too."

Tally disappeared, then reappeared a few seconds later. "Bath is ready," she said. "Tally will be helping him in?" she asked.

"No, I've got him," James told her. "You can go now. Thanks."

Tally's eyes grew large and a little watery when James thanked her, but she obediently popped away. James helped Severus into the bathroom and over to the tub.

"Erm," James said awkwardly, hesitating.

"You can go," Severus said, pulling away and trying to stand on his own. "I don't want you to see my scars anyway," he said—evidently his brain-to-mouth filter was still quite broken. He swayed a little and James reached out to steady him, giving him a sad smile.

"I already saw them, Sev. And even though I hate to agree with Mouldyshorts—"

"Don't call him that," Severus interrupted. James raised an eyebrow and Sev elaborated, "I'd be in Azkaban right now without his help."

James frowned, but said, "All right, 'Tom' then. He wasn't wrong when he said those scars are proof that you're stronger than your dad."

"I don't feel strong," Severus muttered.

"You are," James insisted, leaning in to press a chaste kiss to Sev's lips. "Strong, and selfless, and loyal. I don't think I would've lasted a year in your shoes." He let out a humorless laugh and added, "I'm having nightmares about last week and I wasn't even there for the worst of it."

"I'm sorry," Severus said. "I'm not worth all this—"

"Yes you are," James said, giving him a very serious look, "Sev, you're the strongest, bravest person I've ever met."

Severus blinked, a bit thrown by the sincerity. If his brain were working properly, he would've made some witty quip at the expense of Gryffindor house that also managed to convey his gratitude, but right now all he could manage was to stare silently into those intense hazel eyes. "I," he tried, before giving up and just leaning in to kiss James, hoping that it would say everything he couldn't put into words at the moment.

James kissed him back, but pulled away much too soon."Don't wear yourself out," he said, but he smiled. Then he nodded towards the bathtub and said, "Water's going to get cold."

Severus forced a small smile and shrugged James' hands off of his shoulders, then attempted to pull his own shirt off over his head—which nearly ended in disaster when he suddenly got lightheaded, lost his balance while tangled up in his shirt, and almost fell sideways into the tub.

"Whoa, shit," James said, catching him around the middle. "Let me help you Sev, Merlin."

Severus stood still, mortified, and allowed James to finish pulling his shirt off as if he were a child.

"That's what happens when you stay in bed and don't eat for a week," James said, giving him a concerned look. Severus was just glad he wasn't laughing at him. James frowned and said, "Of course I'm not laughing at you—I'm not a monster. Well, not anymore," he added self-depreciatingly.

Severus blinked. "Didn't realize I said that out loud."

"It's all right," James said. "Do you need help with your joggers?"

"You weren't a monster," Severus said instead of answering. "My piece of shit muggle father was the monster."

James gave him a tight smile, and simply repeated, "Joggers?"

Severus blinked, then glanced at the tub and said, "Er—just, let me sit on the edge of the tub, I'll pull them down, then you get the legs." He imagined he would fall over if he tried to drop trou and just step out of them like he usually would.

James nodded and moved his hands from Sev's shoulders to his waist, holding on to him while Sev lowered himself towards the ledge of the tub and simultaneously pulled down his joggers and pants as if he were about to sit on the toilet. "Don't fall in," James said, letting go of him to reach down and tug the tangle of clothing off of Sev's ankles.

James was doing an admirable job of keeping his eyes averted, for which Sev was grateful—he didn't really want Potter's first glimpse of him naked to be with a week's worth of unwashed grime coating him. And with that thought in mind, as soon as James turned away to stuff the dirty clothes in the hamper, Severus took the opportunity to deliberately tip himself off the ledge and into the tub, pulling his legs in after him. He went completely under the warm water for a second, but he managed to pull himself up into a sitting position with only slightly less effort than running a marathon.

"Damn it, Sev!" James said, rushing back over to kneel by the tub and putting his arm around Sev's shoulders again to pull him upright a bit further. "I just said don't fall in!"

"Didn't fall," Sev argued. "I meant to do that."

James put his hand over his mouth to stifle something suspiciously like a chuckle. "You meant to do that," he echoed. "Of course."

The warm water felt amazing, and Sev thought he could smell a few of the ingredients that go in a Calming Draught—they had nowhere near the same effect when they were just thrown into bath water, of course, but the scent and properties of Lavender and Chamomile had a relaxing effect regardless. Severus was already starting to feel cleaner and more human.

"Get in here, Potter," he said, without really thinking about it.

James raised his eyebrows at him. "What?"

Severus raised an eyebrow back at him and half-teased, "You've got my grease all over you. You need a bath too."

"I snuck away for a shower, like, three days ago," James said, sounding a bit uncertain.

"Get in here," Severus repeated. "I'm not going to jump you, I can barely hold my head up right now."

"All right, fine," James said, pulling his tee-shirt over his head to reveal a truly unfair set of abs. His biceps were also glorious, which Sev already knew from seeing him in a tee-shirt, but they were even more amazing with nothing covering them. "And for the record, I wasn't worried about that," James added. He shucked his pajama bottoms, then hesitantly glanced at Severus before looking away and quickly removing his pants and stepping into the tub, sitting down across from Severus as fast as possible. Despite that, Severus still got a glimpse of Potter's very well-proportioned cock, and if he were in a different mood he would've called it downright mouthwatering. He glanced at James' slightly red face and really hoped he hadn't just said that out loud.

"Did I say that out loud?" he asked, just to be sure.

"Say what?"

"Nothing. Never mind," Severus said, relieved. James gave him an odd look, and Severus asked, "Didn't changing in the Quiddich locker room for years force you to get over body shyness?"

"It's not shyness," James said, glancing to the side. "It's—do you remember that talk we had three or four days ago about going to St. Mungo's? I said you should see an actual Healer, and you refused and threw a breakfast tray at me, shouting about how 'they would know'?"

Severus frowned and said, "No..."

"What about the argument yesterday about sending Evans a letter to tell her what happened?"

"What? No, and you better not drag her into this—"

James held up a hand and interrupted, "Sev, my point," he paused until Severus focused on him again, then continued. "My point is that you've been in and out of reality all week. Today you're doing a million times better, so far, but—I don't want you to remember bits and pieces of things and think that I took advantage of you or anything. Because I would never do that," James said adamantly. "And this is," he paused and waved a hand to encompass the bath and the two of them in it, "pretty damn intimate. I don't want you to regret it, or misremember things."

Severus blinked, then said, "All you would have to do is swear on your magic that you didn't take advantage of me. You've never had a problem doing that in the past."

"And I will, if I need to. But I want you to trust me," James said. "I don't want to have to keep making Oaths and swearing on my magic."

"Fine," Severus said, almost flippantly, "I trust you." He picked up a bottle of shampoo off the ledge and handed it to James. "Now stop trying to be a martyr and wash my hair for me."

James blinked and almost dropped the bottle. "Erm—okay?"

Severus ducked his head under the water and ran his hands through his hair to rinse it a bit, then resurfaced. He awkwardly turned around backwards and scooted closer to James, who spread his legs to make room for Sev to sit in front of him.

"Erm?" James said again.

"Don't get it in my eyes or I'll hex you," Severus said, glancing at James over his shoulder.

"Right."

Sev heard the sound of the bottle being uncapped, and the rather unsexy noise of shampoo squirting out. There was a dull clunk of the shampoo bottle being set aside on the ledge, and then James' hands were tentatively working the shampoo into Sev's hair.

Severus let his eyes slip closed and took a moment to just enjoy all of the sensations—the warm water, James' fingers rubbing his scalp, the feel of James' strong thighs tensing as Severus smoothed his palms back and forth along them underwater.

"Sev," James whispered, or maybe it was a gasp. His hands paused in Sev's hair before resuming in a motion more akin to a massage than a perfunctory hair-washing.

"Yes?" Severus asked in a half-teasing tone.

"You're kind of making it hard for me to not take advantage," James said in a strained voice.

Severus smirked at him over his shoulder, and once he caught James' eye he said, "Or am I just making you hard?" with a pointed glance downward.

James groaned and used the hand that was already in Sev's hair to pull him closer for an over-the-shoulder kiss. Severus closed his eyes and kissed back hungrily—gods, he'd missed this. A few heated snogs at Hogwarts had apparently been enough to get him addicted to James Potter. This angle was hell on his neck though, so he turned to face James instead, clumsily straddling his lap when James brought his legs closer together.

"Sev, wait," James said, but Severus was already kissing him again, shifting his hips forward in search of friction. He wasn't hard yet and he wasn't particularly in the mood per se, but this was something he could let himself feel that was strong enough to chase away the pain without having to Occlude to the point of numbness—this was a reprieve, a balm, a benediction. James moaned into the kiss but when he put his hands on Sev's hips, he pushed him away instead of closer. "I said wait."

"Jay," Sev pouted, but he was embarrassed almost as soon as the nickname came out of his mouth. Potter's name was already one syllable, there was no need to shorten it further. Where was his filter? Where was his bloody pride and self control?

James briefly smiled at the pet name before pointedly saying, "Sev—we're not doing this right now. Not until I'm sure you're in your right mind."

"I'm in my right mind," Severus said, offended.

James raised an eyebrow at him and said, "You just called me Jay and bloody pouted at me."

Severus blinked, then sighed and admitted defeat. "Fine."

James sighed too, seeming relieved. "Fine," he echoed. "Good."

Severus repeated, "Good," a bit sarcastically, then turned around so his back was to James again. "Finish my hair," he said over his shoulder.

"Gods, you're bossy," James muttered, but he brought both hands back up to finish lathering the shampoo in Sev's hair. After a moment, he pulled away and said, "All done. Rinse it out."

"You rinse it out."

"Seriously?"

"I'm not in my right mind, remember? I don't think I can manage."

"Whatever," James said, sounding slightly annoyed. "Scoot up a bit." Severus did, then James said, "Now lean back."

Severus leaned back until all of his hair was beneath the water's surface, keeping his eyes open and watching the annoyed look on James' face gradually soften as he looked down at him (upside down) while he combed his fingers through Sev's hair to rinse it. Severus felt his own expression and emotions softening as well as he held the eye contact. His mind was still too much of a mess to focus enough for Legilimency so instead he just stared up into those brilliant hazel eyes, noticing for the first time that there were actually a few flecks of dark green mixed in with the brownish amber and gold. Beautiful, he thought. James grinned, and Severus immediately asked, "Oh god, did I say that out loud?"

"You said my eyes are beautiful," James answered.

"I'm not in my right mind," Sev said. "Don't you dare tease me with that later."

"Course not," James said, still smiling and still staring fondly into Sev's eyes. After a moment he said, "Yours are too. They're so unique—they look black from a distance, but up close, they're a really, really deep brown—like black coffee," James said.

"Romantic," Severus said, huffing a laugh.

"Black coffee happens to be my favorite, thanks," James said, his fake-offended tone making a comeback.

"They're Prince eyes," Severus elaborated after a moment. "My mum's family. I got the Prince eyes and hair, but tragically I got stuck with the Snape nose."

"I like your nose," James said, leaning further down to brush his own nose against Sev's. "It looks much better on you than him."

Severus laughed, then leaned up another inch to steal a slightly awkward upside-down kiss. Then it hit him rather sharply that both of his parents who he was talking about were dead because of him, and he abruptly pulled away and sat up, nearly head-butting James in his haste to sit up and press his back against the opposite corner of the bathtub.

"Sev?" James asked, concerned.

Severus glanced at him but couldn't seem to reply with words. His breathing sped up and he suddenly felt nauseous and shaky and cold.

"No no no," James said anxiously, scooting closer and taking one of Sev's hands in his own. "Not this again—you were doing so good." He pulled Sev's hand up and pressed it flat against James' chest, telling Severus, "Breathe with me, love, slowly. In," he took a deep breath that Severus felt under his palm and tried to imitate, "and out," James said, slowly releasing the breath. Sev tried to keep pace but was always significantly faster, but after a few minutes they'd managed to synchronize into a moderately-normal breathing rate.

After a few more minutes, Severus managed to find his voice. He cleared his throat and asked, "What was that?"

"That," James said, sounding relieved but still a bit anxious, "was another panic attack. Sometimes I can talk you down, and sometimes they turn into full-blown flashbacks and I have to either let you wear yourself out or call Tally and force Dreamless Sleep down your throat."

Severus blinked, profoundly unnerved because he had absolutely no recollection of that. "How many times has that happened?" He hated the thought of losing control of himself, and worse, not even remembering it.

James gave him a tired humorless smile, and just shrugged. "Too many. You really don't remember the others?" Severus shook his head, and James said, "Well. That's probably for the best."

Severus stared at James a moment longer, taking in how exhausted he really looked when he wasn't putting on a brave or charming face for Sev. "I'm sorry," Severus said yet again—he'd probably apologized more since this ordeal started than he had in his entire life beforehand. James glanced up at met his eyes but Severus looked away, ashamed. "I'm sorry I dragged you into this, and I'm sorry you're having to bloody babysit me, and—"

"Sev, stop it," James said, reaching up to tuck a wet strand of hair behind Sev's ear. "You've been through hell, I don't mind helping you through this. You shouldn't be alone right now."

"You have nightmares too," Severus said, "I've heard you. And I was always too numb and zoned out to do anything but lay there and let you hug me."

"That's all I need Sev," James said. "Most of my nightmares are ones where you didn't survive—so just, you being there, letting me hold you, that's enough. And yeah, this is awful right now, but we'll get better. It'll pass. It has to."

"What if it doesn't? What if I'm like this forever?"

"Then I'll be right here beside you forever."

"You can't promise that," Severus said, feeling his eyes fill with tears as something clenched in his chest, something that was made of warmth-affection-hope-desire-need.

"I just did," James insisted. He leaned in and pressed a chaste kiss to Sev's lips, and repeated, "Forever."

"Forever," Severus whispered back, looking into James' eyes while he wrangled his mind into enough order to burn this moment into his memory—the sincerity in James' voice, the affection in his hazel eyes, the soft brush of his lips against Sev's own.

When he was sure he had committed the memory to the deepest most protected part of his mind, he sighed and leaned forward to rest his forehead against James' for a moment before pressing forward and kissing him deeply, bringing both hands up to frame James' face and then running them through that messy hair.

"Sev," James said, pulling back with a slight warning in his tone before things could get too heated.

"No, I know," Sev said, taking a deep breath. "I wasn't—I just," he trailed off, but James seemed to understand.

"It's fine," he said with a small smile, fondly tracing his finger down Sev's cheekbone to his jaw. Then he cleared his throat and said, "The water's starting to cool off, we ought to get out soon." James pulled away rather reluctantly, then grabbed the bottle of shampoo and quickly washed and rinsed his own hair while Severus absently watched him.

After a moment, Severus asked, "Has it really been a week since—?"

"Yep."

Severus was starting to feel oddly foggy again, like the world around him had gone slightly out of focus, or maybe just his brain had. But he still had enough presence of mind to ask, "What about their funerals?"

James paused and looked up at him, then said guiltily, "Well, the morgue at St. Mungo's would only keep her under a preservation spell for three days, so, your mum's already buried. I paid for everything, she's in the Godric's Hollow cemetery…I figured, since you'll be living here it'll be easier for you to visit her there. Sorry if that's not all right."

"It's fine," Severus said, then frowned and asked, "They released the body to non-family?"

James looked guilty again and said, "I sort of forged your signature on the form they owled over."

"Last time I checked, it was impossible to forge a signature on magical legal documents."

"Well, when I say 'forged' I mean I filled it out myself and then handed you a quill and had you sign it when you weren't in any state to consent or make legal decisions, so," he trailed off, rubbing his neck uncomfortably.

"It's fine," Severus said again, then paused and asked, "What about him?"

"Cremated. Apparently it's a Muggle thing where they—"

Severus waved his hand and interrupted, "I know what it means. Where are the ashes?"

"At the Muggle morgue still. We've got another week to pick them up if you want, otherwise I think they just bin them."

Severus snorted. "Let them. It's what he deserves."

James shrugged and said, "I figured you'd want to dump them down a sewer or into a pig pen, or piss on them or something."

Severus huffed a laugh and said, "Maybe I will." After a moment he quietly mused, "It's strange, but I actually sort of like your mean streak when it's not directed at me."

James gave him a forced-looking smile, then averted his eyes and said, "Right, well. Let's get out and get into some clean clothes before you zone out again. All right?"

Severus raised an eyebrow at the obvious subject-change, but agreed anyway. "All right. After you," he said, and he shamelessly ogled James when he stood and stepped out of the tub to dry off and tie a towel around his waist before helping Severus get out.

~ * ~ * ~ * ~

Back in bed with freshly-changed sheets and clean clothes, James felt lighter and more hopeful as he lounged next to Severus and tried to get him to eat actual food instead of just nutrient potions. Sev had yet to zone out again, which seemed promising, and although he was still a bit, well—off—he was starting to act more like his normal self, and James allowed himself to believe that the worst of this was over. James had asked Tally for a tray of light snacky food—fruit, cheese, crisps, and the like—and was trying to entice Sev into eating some. The two of them sat propped against the headboard side by side, and James picked up a cheese cube and held it up to Sev's mouth.

"Come on, just a few bites," he wheedled.

"I'm not hungry," Severus said for at least the twelfth time, turning his head away. "I already took the nutrient potion, I'm fine."

James sighed and popped the cheese into his own mouth instead. Then he picked up a grape and tried again.

Severus pushed James' hand away and snapped, "I'm starting to understand why I allegedly threw a breakfast tray at you, Potter."

"Not 'allegedly'—it happened. Scrambled eggs went everywhere. Tally was not pleased," James said, though he smiled slightly as he ate the grape too.

He glanced over to find Severus giving him a look that was equal parts annoyed and apprehensive and curious. "And how else did I manage to embarrass myself, aside from throwing food and crying all over you?" Severus asked after a moment.

James shrugged, popped another grape into his mouth, then answered, "You didn't really do anything embarrassing. Well, you never wanted to let me walk you to the loo, but that was more 'stubborn' than 'embarrassing'." James picked up a piece of cubed honeydew and hopefully held it out towards Sev's face.

"Oh for—fine," Severus said, leaning forward to eat it out of James' hand, deliberately licking James' finger as he pulled away. "There. I ate something."

"Ta ever so," James said, blushing but still beaming at him.

Severus looked away towards the window, but James swore he saw Sev's lips twitch into an almost-smile.

"Another one?" James asked, picking up another piece of honeydew.

Severus threw an annoyed look at him, but before he could make a scathing comment, a loud pop startled the both of them.

"Sorry to interrupt sirs," Tally said from the foot of the bed where she'd appeared, "but Master James should be knowing there's a girl at the front door wanting in."

Severus immediately shot a suspicious look at James, narrowing his eyes.

James blinked, laughed nervously, then gave Sev a guilty, half-apologetic look. "Er, thanks Tally. I'll get the door." Tally popped away, and then James awkwardly said, "So, er, that argument I told you we had about writing to Evans—"

"You wrote her anyway," Severus said flatly. "Even though I'm certain I would've told you not to drag her into this mess."

"You did tell me that, and then you went catatonic again and I sort of panicked. I didn't tell her any details—I can't tell her much of anything, thanks to 'Tom'," James said irritably.

"What did you tell her?"

"That your parents died, and that you're staying with me now, and that you weren't doing so well and that it might help if she came to see you."

"God damn it, Potter," Severus said, swinging his legs over the side of the bed and standing up. He swayed for a moment, but kept his footing and headed for the door to the hallway. "You're lucky she didn't come sooner. I would've never forgiven you for letting her see me like that."

James blinked, but then stood up as well, catching up to Sev halfway to the door and offering his arm for Sev to hold on to for support.

Severus glanced at him but stubbornly said, "I can walk on my own."

"All right," James said mildly, but he stayed close to Sev's side all the way to the front door before finally backing off and giving him some space.

~ * ~ * ~ * ~

Lily Evans had not expected her father to surprise the family with a trip to Majorca the very next morning after she got home from Hogwarts. His boss had given him the vacation package as a Christmas bonus—a full two weeks in a beachside resort as well as round-trip airfare—and her dad had kept it a secret and chosen one of the latest available ticket dates so it would work out so Lily could go too. As Henry bustled everyone off to the airport after breakfast, Lily wished that she'd had a chance to sneak away and at least leave a note for Sev in the metal lunchbox hidden in a hollow part of the tree at Their Spot by the river—she couldn't owl or write him because of his dad, and she didn't like the thought of him waiting for her and hoping for her to show up and not realizing that she wasn't even in the country.

She hadn't expected to miss him quite this much, after how he'd freaked out when she told him she loved him, and after how he'd gradually pulled away over fifth year, and especially after how he'd called her a Mudblood when she'd tried to help him. But there was a part of her that was always going to love Severus Snape, even though she'd been hurt and angry enough that she might've never spoken to him again if not for the incident with Potter and the Wizard's Oath. She didn't think he understood just how badly he had hurt her—to start pulling away after she told him she loved him, to hang out with those horrible blood purists, and then to call her that word—she'd cried herself to sleep that first night, wondering whether he'd been secretly repulsed by her all along, whether he'd just been using her for sex, whether he genuinely thought her blood made her dirty. Once she'd calmed down a bit the next day she realized that those suspicions were extreme and unlikely, but it still hurt and the doubt was still there. She hadn't expected to ever want to forgive him after that, but trying to cut Severus out of her life had been like trying to cut off her own arm, and she had felt the loss just as painfully.

She hadn't expected the Majorca vacation to pass in a sunny but morose kind of blur of swimming and sunbathing and buying souvenirs and doing all of the touristy things, and she hadn't expected to spend almost as much time contemplating Potter as she spent thinking about Severus. Potter had always seemed simple—a shallow, arrogant, narcissistic bully—but his drastic change of both heart and behavior towards Severus had shown Lily an entirely different side of him. Evidently, Potter was also protective and generous and charming and almost overly affectionate once he knew it was welcome. Severus had definitely seemed to welcome Potter's affection—and that was another thing Lily spent a lot of time contemplating. Sev had claimed that he was just taking advantage of Potter's guilt, but Lily knew him better than that, and for years she'd had a front row seat to the strange fixation Sev and Potter had always seemed to have on each other. She was almost relieved that it was the summer hols, because if they were all still at school, she might've had to worry about losing Sev to Potter before she'd had a chance to properly talk things out and (hopefully) reconcile with him—and wouldn't that just be the height of irony?

But what she'd expected least of all was to return home after the trip and barely make it out of the car before a neighbor girl named Beth ran up the drive while Lily and Tuney were trying to unload their luggage. Beth looked between the two of them and then almost gleefully asked Lily, "Did you hear yet?"

"Hear what?" Lily asked coolly. She'd never really liked Beth—they'd gone to Muggle primary school together, and she'd always been a gossip and a backstabber.

"About that weird boy who goes to your fancy boarding school? His dad?" Beth said, drawing it out, making her wait for it.

"What about him?" Lily asked, trying to keep a neutral face despite a spike of worry that shot through her. Petunia had paused while pulling a suitcase out of the boot, clearly eavesdropping. Their parents had already unlocked the door and gone inside.

Beth leaned in a bit, then told Lily, "His dad went berserk and murdered his whole family, and then killed himself."

Lily's stomach dropped and she felt like she'd just plunged into ice water. "What?"

"Yeah, about a week ago. There were sirens everywhere, and it was on the news. He stepped right in front of a bus by Llewellyn's Pub. The blokes who saw it happen said he was drunk out of his mind and shouting about killing his family."

Lily felt lightheaded and sucked in a sharp gasp as her lungs reminded her that she had to breathe. It couldn't be true—Sev couldn't be… She covered her mouth to hold in a sob and then took off running down the pavement, not looking back when Petunia shouted after her.

Somehow, through a haze of tears and panic, she made it to the park halfway between their houses, and she immediately ran to her and Sev's tree, digging out the metal lunchbox and frantically searching for a note. They always left a pen and notepad inside, but there were no notes written on it and Lily's heart sank even further. She replaced the lunchbox with shaky hands, then took off running again, towards Sev's house this time.

He had told her, long ago and repeatedly, never to show up there—he had, in fact, made her promise after giving her vague warnings about his father and about how rough that side of town was. Right now, Lily didn't care about any of that—she needed to know if Sev was okay, because he had to be okay, this couldn't be real—and she would fight anyone and everyone who tried to stop her.

When she arrived at the gloomy house at Spinner's End, she tried the front door but it was locked. She pounded on it and shouted for Severus, not even caring that she was making a scene. After a few minutes of no answer, Lily's tears broke free again and she put her back to the door and slid to the ground, burying her face in her hands.

"Oi! Shut the fuck up over there!" a man yelled from down the street. Lily ignored him.

A woman yelled back, "You shut the fuck up—and tell that cunt wife of yours to stop putting her cigarettes out in my flowerpots!"

The two of them argued back and forth for a while but Lily tuned it out—her chest felt hollow and she couldn't stop crying and it was difficult to take a proper breath.

"There now, lass," the same woman's voice said, much kinder and suddenly right next to her. Lily glanced up to find a woman standing there, maybe in her fifties, wearing a rather threadbare dressing-gown over what looked like pajama shorts and a cami top. "You're looking for the boy, ain't ya? I've seen the two of you 'round by the park."

Lily sniffled, and tried to breathe, and stammered out, "I heard that he—his dad—is he really—?"

"Take a breath, pet," the woman said. "Your boy's all right. I was awake that night when the bobbies showed up. They only took out one body—the mum, god rest her soul—I saw it through my window, and when I came outside I heard this posh detective saying he'd already interviewed the boy and he'd gone to stay with family."

"He doesn't have any other family," Lily said automatically, but that crippling hollow pain in her chest had receded, and hope was blooming there instead. "You're sure?" she asked. "Sev's all right?"

"Well I ain't seen him myself, but I know what I heard that fancy detective telling the rest of the bobbies. Looked like a bloody model that one did. Bit scary though—looked right through you, and walked around like he was part of the royal family or summat."

Lily wanted to shout that she didn't care about the hot detective, but instead she forced herself to stand up and smooth out her dress. She politely told the woman, "Thank you," and then strode back off towards her own house.

She didn't have an owl—between Petunia's claim of allergies, and her mum's obsessive cleanliness, Lily hadn't been allowed an owl or a cat or a pet of any kind—but she knew there was an Owl Post Office in Diagon Alley. All she had to do was figure out how to get to London right away.

She told herself the whole walk home that Sev was okay, that he had to be okay, and she used the little bit of Occlumency that he'd managed to teach her to help shove down the panic and the anxiety and the 'what if?'s and the urge to punch Petunia in the face when she tried to pry for details the moment Lily got home.

"I don't want to talk about it," Lily said, letting a few tears escape on purpose before squeezing past Tuney into the house and heading for her bedroom. Her mum and dad seemed to be in their room unpacking, unaware of the drama—it was odd that Petunia hadn't immediately ran and tattled to them, but Lily didn't stop to dwell on it.

"Lily, wait!" Tuney hissed at her.

"What?" Lily demanded, spinning to face her.

Petunia blinked, then held out an envelope. "There's a letter for you—it was on the doorstep, and if you hadn't taken off like a lunatic—"

Lily took the strangely heavy envelope and tuned out the rest of her sister's diatribe. She quickly tore it open and took out the letter, hoping for Sev's familiar spiky handwriting but instead finding an unfamiliar but elegant looking penmanship. A small cloth pouch fell out of the envelope into Lily's hand as well.

"Thanks, Tuney," she said absently, taking the last few steps to her bedroom and shutting the door on Petunia's frustrated huff.

She sat down on the bed, set the pouch aside, and started to read the letter.

'Hey Evans—please don't throw this away or burn it, it's about Sev, all right? I can't really go into detail and I know he wouldn't want me to put it in writing anyway, but—long story short, his parents are both dead. He's staying with me now but he's not doing well at all. It's been almost a week and I'm really worried about him. You've known him longer and better than me, and maybe you can actually help him. I'm sending some money for a trip on the Knight Bus—I've never been on it myself, but according to Mooney you just try to find an empty street where the Muggles won't notice you, then stand on the kerb and hold your wand up to call the Bus. The address is Potter Cottage, in Godric's Hollow. My parents are away on a trip so you can come over any time (sorry, that sounded a bit saucy, but I promise I didn't mean it like that). Hope to see you soon. –James.'

Lily heaved a sigh of relief, then she felt tears prickling her eyes once again. Sev was alive. He was—what exactly did Potter mean by 'not doing well'? That was maddeningly vague. Was he injured, or depressed, or both, or something else entirely? And his poor mum—Lily had only met her a few times, but she'd always seemed kind enough despite being withdrawn and rather skittish, and she'd always been nice to Lily. His dad on the other hand—she couldn't even pretend to feel bad about his death—honestly, she wished he would've stumbled drunk in front of a bus years ago.

She picked up the small cloth pouch and opened it, finding a handful of Galleons inside just like Potter had said. Her eyebrows went up, and she dumped the coins out to count them.

Fifty Galleons. He'd sent fifty bloody Galleons for bus fare—that was almost 250 pounds! She laughed in disbelief as she scooped up the coins to put them back in the pouch—she'd heard that the super-rich were out of touch with how much everyday things cost, but this was ridiculous.

She set the pouch on the bed next to the letter, dug through her Hogwarts trunk for her wand, and then rifled through the wardrobe until she found an old handbag that was big enough to hide it in. She didn't typically carry a handbag, but summer clothing didn't leave many options for concealing a wand. Speaking of clothing—she pulled off the semi-formal floral sundress her mother had insisted that she wear for the plane ride home (Lily thought it was stupid for the family to dress up for plane rides, but it was easier to just do it than try to argue with her mum), then she changed into a pair of cut-off denim shorts and a dark grey Led Zeppelin tee-shirt. It was actually one of Sev's shirts that she'd borrowed and then 'forgot' to return. Perhaps it was just her imagination, but the shirt always seemed to smell like him, and it was comforting for her to sleep in—not that she even realized right now what she'd put on, she'd just reached for it automatically in her haste. She stepped into a pair of broken-in trainers, stuffed the money pouch and the letter and her wand into the handbag, then very quietly opened her window and climbed out—she could've just gone out the front door, but she didn't want to deal with Tuney's scandalized lecture about showing too much leg in 'those harlot shorts' (Tuney hated them; it was kind of hilarious), or the nosy questions she was guaranteed to have about Sev and the letter, or her parents if they happened to intercept her.

Five minutes later she'd found a quiet street and she was holding up her wand for the Knight Bus. Ten seconds later the purple triple-decker monstrosity pulled up and the attendant let her on after charging 11 Sickles (she chuckled at that—it didn't even cost one full Galleon, let alone 50).

Fifteen nauseating minutes (and two stops) later, she was let off at the outskirts of Godric's Hollow at the end of a long driveway that led up to Potter's—well, it was certainly designed to resemble a cottage, built with river stones and wood and featuring a sprawl of ivy crawling up one side of it, but the size and elegance of it was more akin to a Tudor mansion. Lily adjusted her handbag, then stepped forward through a set of preliminary wards that shuddered a bit but let her though. When she arrived at the front door, she knocked and felt a slight spark from the stronger wards on the house itself.

She waited, and time seemed to stretch out and it might've been a minute or it might've been a year, but then the door opened—and it wasn't Potter but Severus who was standing there.

"Lily," he said, with too many emotions scrambled into his tone to try to decipher.

"Sev." Her eyes filled with tears again—happy, relieved ones this time, because he was alive and seemed unhurt—and then she threw herself at him, pulling him into a tight, fierce hug.

"It's all right," he murmured, hugging her back and stroking one hand through her hair.

Lily took a deep breath and pulled herself together, because he shouldn't be the one comforting her right now. She pulled back just far enough to make eye contact without breaking the hug, and said, "Sev, I'm so sorry—I just heard, and I just got Potter's letter. Dad took us all on vacation the day after Hogwarts let out, and we just got back and that bitch Beth Kellsey told me your dad killed the whole family and I ran to your house and nobody was there and I thought—" some more tears slipped free, and Sev reached up to wipe them away.

"Lily, breathe," he said quietly. "I'm right here. It's all right."

She nodded and looked up to meet his dark eyes—he looked exhausted and wrung-out and much less guarded than usual, and the look he gave her was so obviously overflowing with love that she wondered how she had ever doubted his feelings. His past mistakes didn't matter to her at all in the heat of this particular moment—she was just so damned relieved that he was alive.

Lily didn't even think, she just leaned up on her tiptoes and kissed Sev, burying one hand in his hair—after a second of surprised stillness he kissed her back, mirroring her by carding his fingers through her hair in return. It had been months since she'd last kissed him but it still felt like coming home—it was hot and deep and reverent and the two of them were as perfectly in sync as ever. Far too soon, she had to pull away to catch her breath, and she glanced up to catch Sev's eyes.

He gave her an impossibly fond smile, but then a worried expression overtook his face and he glanced over to the right. "This is real, isn't it?" he asked somewhat desperately.

Lily looked over as well, and jumped slightly when she realized Potter had apparently been in the room the whole time. He was leaning against the wall a couple meters away, with his arms crossed and a slight blush on his face as he watched them, biting his lower lip.

"Yeah, Sev," Potter replied, "looks real to me. Hi, Evans."

"Potter," she greeted perfunctorily, before turning her attention back to Sev and trying not to be embarrassed that Potter just saw that—he already knew about them anyway, and she wasn't going to censor herself for Potter's sake. She reached up to cup Sev's cheek and gently turn his face back towards hers. "It's real, Sev. I'm here. Are you all right?"

Severus gave her a humorless smile, then said, "Relatively."

Lily gave him a concerned look, tucked a lock of hair behind his ear, then carefully asked, "What happened?"

Severus looked down at the floor before glancing over at Potter again as if for help.

Lily looked over too, in time to see Potter sadly shake his head as he said, "I can't tell her, love. It has to be you."

Lily's eyebrows shot up at that—at the mysteriousness of the statement, and also at the fact that Potter had just called Sev 'love' and neither of them seemed to consider it unusual. Lily most definitely had questions.

"Right," Severus said under his breath. Then he asked Potter, "But will you stay? Just in case..." he trailed off, but Potter seemed to understand whatever Sev was hinting at.

"All right," Potter said quietly. He glanced pointedly at the door, which was still flung wide open, then said, "Close the door, and let's find somewhere to sit down for this."

Lily reluctantly stepped back from Sev's embrace and closed the front door. Then she reached out and took Sev's hand in her own, and gave him an encouraging smile as they followed Potter into the sitting room.

**A/N: **

Wow, so yeah, this chapter was a monster in both length and content… Sev still has plenty of recovering to do—and things are not suddenly all fixed between Sev and Lily, they still need to talk about the past—but things will start looking up from here.

Comments give me life :)


	5. chapter 5

A/N: I made a minor edit—in chapter 1, James now says his parents were in their 100s when they had him (originally he said they were in their 50s, but according to the HP Lexicon they were "old even by wizarding standards" when they died sometime not long after James graduated. So yeah.)

And, er, apologies for the longer-than-usual wait. RL has not been kind lately… I don't want to unload too much here or go into too much detail, but at the end of February I was present during the very drawn-out death of a close family member (due to untreatable organ failure) and it was very traumatic. Still haven't really processed it and I'm *functional* but I'm not really *okay* so even though writing is my therapy and my purpose and my joy, my writer-brain got knocked way off balance and I haven't been able to really focus well enough to write as often as I'd like.

And that was all before shit got real with the Coronavirus in the US, so now I, like the rest of the planet, have that additional constant stress of worrying about my loved ones getting sick or my job shutting down or running out of essential groceries and supplies because idiots keep panic-buying them, so… yeah. I work in healthcare (on the clerical/customer service side, don't get excited, I'm not out saving lives or anything) and thankfully I'm considered essential so I've had job security so far, and I hope all of you are doing all right as well.

I hope all of you are staying safe and healthy, and please be careful if you go out in public for essential trips—use sanitizing wipes or spray on the carts/baskets in the grocery store, don't touch gas pumps with your bare hands, sanitize your hands after touching buttons or screens on self-checkouts or card readers (or doorknobs or elevator buttons or ATMs or anything else that a thousand other people touch every day), wear a simple surgical or cloth mask if you're in a crowded public place (no it's not complete protection but it's better than nothing and it keeps YOUR germs in so you don't unknowingly spread it to others), stay 6 feet away from other people whenever possible, wash your hands often, don't go out or around people if you have a fever, cough, shortness of breath, unexplained muscle aches, nausea/vomiting or diarrhea, sore throat, headache, or a loss of your sense of taste or smell (this is the most updated list of screening symptoms as of May 2020 and refers to NEW onset symptoms, not chronic) and if you have some or all of those symptoms call your doctor, etc, etc. And don't drink or inject bleach or Lysol for fuck's sake, no matter what "President" Dipshit Trashfire says.

Sorry to get that real on you but this shit's serious. Take it seriously.

Anyway, hope you enjoy the chapter :)

**Chapter 5**

Severus followed James down the hallway to the same sitting room he'd flooed into that awful night. Everything still felt a bit unreal. His parents were dead. He'd killed his father. He'd met Lord Voldemort and owed him an unnamed favor. He was living with James now. Lily was here. Lily was holding his hand. Lily had kissed him. Lily was leading him to the sofa James had already sat down on, seating herself on the opposite end and tugging at Severus's hand until he sat down in the middle. Severus was still halfway waiting for the horrible moment when he would either drift off or wake up from this, but it didn't seem to be coming.

Fine, then. That was fine. Treat it as if it's real, he decided. James had told him it was real—James, who had taken care of him, kissed him, slept beside him, bathed with him, tried to feed him, and barely left his side. Despite his horrible and contentious history with Severus, James registered in Sev's mind as someone safe now, so Severus would believe him. Lily had told him it was real too, and Severus trusted Lily as unconditionally as it was possible for someone with Sev's trust issues to do.

Severus snuck a sideways glance at Lily, who was watching him with no small amount of concern. Normal, he reminded himself, act normal—don't fall to your knees and beg her to never let go of your hand again. Don't start crying out of sheer relief that she's deigning to even look at you. Normal, normal, normal. Sev cleared his throat, made a show of eying the Led Zeppelin tee shirt Lily was wearing, then asked in what he hoped was a casual tone, "Is that my shirt?"

Lily gave him a relieved smile and teased, "Maybe. Why, do you want it back?" She pulled her hand away from his (he gritted his teeth against the impulse to not let go), then she nonchalantly reached for the hem of the shirt with both hands with her wrists criss-crossed as if to take it off.

James seemed to choke on air, and when Severus glanced his way, James was unabashedly staring at Lily's hands where they'd paused, teasingly gripping the hem of her shirt but not actually lifting it. Severus, on the other hand, knew full well she was only joking.

Severus huffed a laugh and turned back to Lily. "Careful, you'll give Potter a stroke."

Lily smiled mischievously. "No way, he'd like it too much if I _gave him a_ _stroke_," she said, putting emphasis on the phrase to turn it into an innuendo. She laughed as James' face went red, then she let go of her shirt and took Sev's hand again.

Severus smirked and added, "I daresay he wouldn't want you to stop at just one."

Lily glanced at James and then back at Sev, then she boldly added, "And I daresay he wouldn't mind giving you a few strokes."

James mumbled, "Merlin," and Severus looked over at him again in amusement. "You two are killing me here, I hope you realize that."

Sev's smirk fell away at the phrasing and at the thought of anyone actually killing James, and he automatically and very unsubtly reached for James' hand with his free one. He felt more secure holding James' hand on one side and Lily's on the other. Sev could feel Lily staring but he didn't quite dare look over at her to see her reaction.

"You all right?" James asked him quietly, a worried expression making a reappearance and overriding his flustered embarrassment.

Severus huffed a humorless laugh and didn't answer.

"Yeah, okay, stupid question," James conceded, squeezing Sev's hand.

Lily squeezed his hand on the other side, and for a long moment the three of them sat in silence.

Finally Lily nervously cleared her throat and said, "Sev? Can you tell me what happened now?"

Severus glanced at her and nodded, then paused and shook his head instead. Because now that he actually thought about it, of course he couldn't tell her that he'd used an Unforgivable—she'd freaked out last year when he'd made the mistake of telling her that he'd started studying Dark healing spells. Healing spells, for Merlin's sake! And he couldn't tell her he'd killed someone—even if it was his shithead father—because he would be proving all of Lily's perfect new Gryffindor friends correct that he was just a Dark murderous Slytherin creep after all. He couldn't do it, couldn't tell her, couldn't make her afraid of him, couldn't lose her—

"Sev, breathe," Lily said from beside him, her tone full of worry.

"I can't," he said, and then Potter, misunderstanding, was scooting closer and bringing Sev's hand up to press against James' chest while James took a deliberately deep, even breath.

"Yeah you can," James said, "breathe with me now."

Severus allowed it for a moment and followed along because it was oddly calming, even though he wasn't having a full-blown panic attack and he wasn't quite hyperventilating either. Then he said quietly, "I meant, I _can't_," he said, with a pointed flick of his eyes back towards Lily. He pulled his hand away from James' chest and entwined their fingers again.

James blinked and looked confused for a second, then it seemed to click and he said matter-of-factly, "Of course you can tell her. If I didn't run away screaming, she won't either."

Lily snapped, "Don't speak for me, Potter." Then her tone softened and she squeezed Sev's hand reassuringly as she said, "Whatever it is, Sev, you can tell me. I can't promise how I'll react, but…I'll swear an Oath not to talk about it like Potter apparently did, if you want me to."

"I didn't make him do that," Sev muttered under his breath. He turned and finally met Lily's eyes, and he decided to just get it over with. He wouldn't ask her to swear an Oath—it was bad enough that he was going to inflict this particular truth on her. She was his one bright spot, his hope, his escape—she wasn't supposed to be burdened with the darker details of his life—but she clearly wasn't going to let this go, and he wasn't going to lie to her and spend every day dreading her finding out the truth. If telling the truth now meant losing her sooner, at least it would be a clean break when she left. Kinder for everyone, really. Severus took a deep breath, and bluntly said, "I killed my father."

Lily blinked a few times, looking shocked and then confused. "Beth said he walked in front of a bus—"

"Beth's an idiot. He was already dead—the bus was part of the cover-up. I…" Severus paused and looked down at his lap, took a heavy breath, then steeled himself and said, "My mum was pregnant, and she finally told him that night, and he just lost it—he hit her and stabbed her, and he pinned me down and tried to strangle me, and I—" he paused, and felt a comforting squeeze to both of his hands. He took a deep breath, let it out, and confessed, "I used a wandless Killing Curse on him."

Sev didn't look up—he didn't dare—but he heard a sharp intake of breath from Lily, and he braced himself. She was going to pull away, she was going to yell, she was going to hate him, she was going to leave him, she—was hugging him? It took him a moment to process, but Lily had thrown her other arm around him and buried her face in his neck, still holding his hand. He felt a few tears splash his skin, but he didn't have a free arm to hug her back since James was still holding his other hand. After a moment he cautiously asked, "Lily?"

"It's all right. I mean, it's not all right, but—I don't know what I mean," Lily said, but she didn't let go of him. After a moment, she sniffled and pulled back only far enough to meet his eyes with a somber expression. "I'm so sorry about your mum but I'm glad that bastard's dead. And—you're here, Sev. That's what matters."

Severus let out a breath he hadn't realized he was holding, and the tension went out of his shoulders as he relaxed. Tears welled up in his eyes and he buried his face in Lily's hair to hide them, fighting to keep his breathing even and holding back a sob of relief. He felt James trying to subtly tug his hand free—probably meaning to give Sev and Lily some privacy—but Severus just squeezed James' hand tighter and didn't let him pull away.

~ * ~ * ~ * ~

James felt like he was intruding big time so he tried to slip away but Sev wouldn't let go of his hand, which meant he was stuck there unless he wanted to force the issue and look like a jerk. So he stayed, trapped awkwardly right next to Sev who had an armful of Evans. For a whole thirty seconds he valiantly resisted the urge to hug Severus, but then he figured that if he was already intruding, he might as well make it worthwhile.

"Room for one more?" he asked lightly, already leaning closer and awkwardly turning it into a group hug. Evans was on Sev's left, with her head in the crook of his shoulder and one arm around his neck. James leaned into Sev's right side, laying his head on Sev's shoulder and wrapping his free arm around Sev's waist, going low with the hug since Evans had gone high. He still hadn't let go of Sev's hand.

Severus made a satisfied little "Mmhmm," noise and relaxed into the dual embrace.

For a long moment, there was nothing but a strangely comfortable silence. Then James couldn't keep quiet any longer and asked, "Sev? You zoning out on us?"

"Maybe," Sev murmured back. "Shut up and let me."

"Nope, sorry. No more of that," James chucked and nuzzled his head against Sev's shoulder, which meant he also bumped his head against Evans' arm in the process.

"Watch it, Potter," she mumbled at him, but it lacked any real venom.

"Don't be jealous, Evans," he teased, "I'd hug you too, if you ask nicely."

"I'd rather hug a werewolf," she said dryly.

James literally bit his tongue to make sure he didn't out Remus for the sake of a snappy comeback.

Between them, Severus started shaking silently, and James and Evans both pulled back and looked up in concern—but Sev was just laughing and trying to hold it in. James caught Evans' eyes across the short distance between them and he gave her a relieved, halfway flirty smile—he wasn't sure whether to count it as a victory or not when she looked away first with a brief, nervous laugh.

"You're both jerks," Lily muttered, but she laid her head back on Sev's chest as his silent laughter finally tapered off.

Sev nuzzled his head against Lily's and pressed a kiss to the top of her head, the gesture idle but affectionate. Then he glanced over and caught James' eye, and silently studied him for a moment. Sev started to speak, stopped himself, then after another quiet moment he finally asked, "Can we go visit my mum's grave?"

"Yeah," James said immediately. "You mean right now?"

Sev nodded, and said quietly as if confessing a weakness, "I want both of you there with me."

"Yeah," James said again. "Fine with me. Evans?"

"Of course," she said.

"All right," James said, clapping his hands together once before standing up. "Erm, it's about a fifteen minute walk into town if you feel up to it, Sev, or I've got a few extra brooms I keep around for when the guys come over, or I could just ask Tally to take us."

"Let's walk," Severus said decisively, squeezing Evans' hand and giving her a tentative, hopeful kind of look that made James feel like a third wheel again when she smiled back at Sev.

"Yeah," Evans said, "walking is good."

"Walking it is, then," James said, taking a step towards the door to the corridor. He wasn't quite sure that Sev would actually be up to walking that far after a week of just laying in bed, but James could always call Tally to pop them there and back if Sev got too tired on the way.

"Aren't you going to get dressed first?" Evans asked, eying the tee-shirt and pajama bottoms James was wearing and then Sev's henley and joggers. "You both look like you're in pajamas."

"Because we are in pajamas," James deadpanned, before teasing, "and I'm still wearing more than you are."

And ooh, that must've been a bad thing to say, because Evans outright glared at him before flipping him off and then ignoring him in favor of whispering something to Severus, who nodded to whatever she'd said then stood up.

"Do you still have all of those clothes you bought me at Hogsmeade?" Severus asked.

"Yeah, of course," James said, standing up and heading for the staircase. "Up in my room. Come on," he said, catching Evans' eye and tacitly extending the invitation to her too.

Evans gave him a chilly look but stood up and followed, falling into step beside Severus and taking his hand again while James led the way up the massive staircase.

Behind him, he heard Evans quietly ask, "He bought you clothes?"

"More like he bought me half the shop," Severus said, sounding amused.

"Don't be ridiculous," James piped up, pausing deliberately before adding, "it was a quarter of the shop at the very most."

"You made me try on half the shop though," Severus grumbled.

"You had fun, don't try to deny it," James teased, looking over his shoulder to smile at Severus. He would've turned around to walk backwards so he could keep looking at them as they spoke if not for the fact that they were on the stairs and he didn't fancy tripping and breaking his neck. He caught Evans giving him an unreadable look and added, "You should come with us next time, Evans." He winked and risked adding, "I'll buy you all the short shorts you want."

She rolled her eyes at him and then glanced over and caught Sev's eye, raising an eyebrow and tilting her head slightly, seeming to ask a silent question. Sev gave her a shrug and the tiniest hint of a smile before looking away. "We'll see," Evans finally answered James.

James forced a cocky grin onto his face before facing forward again as the three of them arrived at the second floor landing and headed down the corridor towards his room. He was a bit jealous of the intimacy of the whole silent communication thing Sev and Evans seemed to have going on, but they'd known each other since before Hogwarts and they'd slept together—what did he expect?

Shit, stop it, stop thinking about them sleeping together, Merlin, this is not the time. James mentally shook himself and tried not to let his imagination run away with the knowledge that he was currently leading his two crushes to his freaking bedroom. His two crushes, who had had sex with each other—one of whom had climbed into his lap naked in the bath just this morning and snogged him nearly senseless—gah, stop it! They were getting ready to go to a graveyard, for Godric's sake.

James cleared his throat and pushed open the door to his bedroom when they finally arrived there after what felt like a month of awkward silence. "So, erm, this is my room," he said, holding the door open for Evans and Sev to step through. Evans glanced around, wearing an expression of polite interest that turned a bit more genuine when she noticed the record player in the corner. Sev gave the bed a tired and somewhat longing look before pulling himself together and glancing at the only other door in the room that wasn't the en-suite bathroom or the door to the hall.

"That's the closet, I assume?" Sev asked quietly.

"Yep. All your stuff's hanging up towards the back left corner," James told him.

Severus raised an eyebrow, then opened the door and blinked a few times, looking stunned.

"What?" James asked, wondering if a Boggart had somehow gotten in there.

"Your closet is bigger than my bedroom," Severus said, finally stepping into the enormous walk-in-closet.

"This is your bedroom now," James argued playfully, "so no it isn't." He followed Sev and leaned in the doorway of the closet, watching Sev slide hangers aside and rifle through all of the clothes he'd gotten from Gladrags.

"He doesn't get to have a room of his own?" Evans asked, sounding suspicious as she walked over to lean against the opposite side of the closet doorway, crossing her arms.

"I mean, he can, obviously, if he wants one," James said, rubbing the back of his neck. "There are plenty—we've just been, you know, sharing."

"Sharing," Evans repeated in a flat tone.

Severus quietly spoke up, "Lily, it's fine." James glanced over and was slightly disappointed to see that Sev had quickly changed clothes right there while he and Evans had been distracted and he'd missed the show. Severus headed back towards the door, randomly grabbing a shirt off of its hanger in James' section and pressing it into James' arms as he passed. "Get changed," he said, giving James a pointed look. "And take your time, I imagine Lily wants to interrogate me about whether you've been treating me right," he said, glancing briefly at Evans who was still leaning on the other side of the doorframe, and who didn't contradict his assumption. Sev forced a hint of a smile as he put his hand on James' chest and gently pushed him through the doorway.

James sniffed, then said in his best fake-offended tone, "Forcing me back into the closet now? That's bi-phobic, Sev—and hypocritical!" Sev chuckled and James relented, stepping further into the closet and telling Sev, "All right, fine. Just knock on the door or something when you're finished talking."

Severus nodded, gave him a look that bordered on grateful, then closed the door.

~ * ~ * ~ * ~

"All right," Lily said quietly, proud of herself for managing to hold it in until the closet door was closed and she and Severus had taken a few steps away from it towards the middle of the room. "I know this isn't really the best time but I have to ask—what is going on with you and Potter?"

Severus met her eye for a split second before looking away and shrugging.

"Severus," she said in a slightly more demanding tone.

"It's complicated," he mumbled.

Lily frowned, because that was more of a cop-out than an answer. "You're sharing a room," she said.

"Yes."

"There's only one bed."

"We share that too," Sev said. Lily's eyebrows shot up, and Sev glanced up and saw her expression, then quickly added, "Not like that, it's just—comfort."

"Comfort?" Lily repeated, feeling a bit numb and jealous at the same time—she used to be the only one Sev went to for comfort.

"Perhaps you've noticed that we're both a bit of a mess right now?" Severus said, and his tone seemed to be aiming for nonchalant but it missed the mark.

Lily raised an eyebrow. "What's Potter's problem?" she asked, genuinely curious. Potter had seemed fine to her—maybe a bit less carefree than usual, maybe a bit of a shadow behind his eyes, but not nearly as drastic of a change as she'd seen in Severus.

Severus gave her a look that bordered on appraising, then said, "I flooed here right after…" he paused, cleared his throat, then repeated, "After. And I told him everything, and he was willing to help me get rid of the body." Lily's eyebrows went up—Potter had always been a rule-breaker, but she would never have thought that he would risk committing an actual crime to help Severus of all people. "But without being able to use magic, there wasn't anything the two of us could do. We went back to my house and I," Severus hesitated, sneaking a glance at Lily's eyes before looking down again and continuing, "I contacted someone Bellatrix Black had told me about—someone who trades in favors to fix 'Dark or magically interesting' problems."

Lily's eyes went wide and she gasped, "Sev! What if they're a Death Eater or something?"

Severus huffed a humorless laugh and quietly echoed, "Or something," which didn't reassure her at all. He kept talking before she could formulate a question. "So Tom—that's the name he was using—he arranged things to look like Tobias got drunk off his arse and walked in front of a bus after shouting to anyone in earshot that he'd just killed his wife. He used magic that wouldn't leave traces so the Aurors wouldn't get involved and he zombie-walked the corpse out of the house and into oncoming traffic, then somehow he handled things with the Muggle cops as well."

Lily blinked and paled a bit, then said numbly, "And now you owe this guy a favor?"

Severus nodded, then said, "It's not as bad as you're thinking though—Potter made sure of that. He asked for a favor too—he asked Tom to swear a Wizard's Oath that when he calls in my favor, he won't make me kill or hurt anyone, and he won't make me join the Death Eaters. He also swore not to talk about what happened that night with anyone except James and I." Lily's jaw dropped somewhere in the middle of that, stunned by the extent of Potter's new protectiveness, and Sev kept talking. "And Tom agreed to that, on the condition that James swear an Oath to never talk to anyone except Tom or I about what happened that night, and to never reveal Tom's connection to the Dark Lord. That Oath counted as the favor James owed Tom, and that's why he can't tell you anything."

Lily blinked and just took everything in for a moment before numbly asking, "So, this Tom—he's a Death Eater?" Severus seemed to hesitate for a brief moment before nodding. "And—he didn't make _you_ swear not to talk about what happened?"

Severus gave her a grim smile and said, "He didn't need to—aside from you, I won't be telling anyone. I can't talk about it without implicating myself in murder and collusion with Death Eaters."

"It was self-defense, not murder," Lily said automatically.

"That's what Potter said too, but it wouldn't have mattered to the Aurors, Lily. I used an Unforgivable."

"Wandlessly?" she asked, recalling that rather unbelievable detail from the story he'd told her downstairs.

Severus nodded, wearing a solemn expression. "My wand was upstairs… It was me or him, Lily. He was holding me down, choking me while my mum was bleeding out on the other side of the kitchen floor—it was easy to dredge up enough hatred to make the spell work. It felt good—it felt like justice."

He went still after saying that, as if thinking he'd said too much, as if waiting for her to either run away or judge him. She did neither—instead she stepped closer and took one of his hands in her own. She waited for him to timidly look up and meet her eyes, then she said quietly but firmly, "Don't do it again, Sev. Promise me."

Sev blinked, and a flicker of shock and hurt flashed across his face. "Do you really think that little of me—?"

"No, of course not," she interrupted, squeezing his hand, "but they say Dark magic is addictive—"

"I have no intention of killing anyone else, all right?" Sev interrupted. "I can't believe I have to say that to you of all people."

"Sev, I didn't mean it like that," she said, brushing a lock of hair out of his face and counting it as a victory when he didn't pull away from her touch. "I just—this is a lot to take in, all right?"

"I'm very aware," he said dryly.

He caught her eye and after a moment of heavy silence, the tension broke and they simultaneously fell into nervous laughter.

Lily stepped closer, letting go of Sev's hand in favor of wrapping both arms around him and leaning her head against his chest, listening to the comforting drum of his heartbeat. After a palpable moment of hesitation, Severus wrapped his arms around her as well.

Lily let the comfortable silence hang for a moment, then she said, "We got off topic, you know."

"Hmm?" Severus asked, resting his chin on the top of her head.

"You and Potter?" she asked pointedly, while just as pointedly staying put in his arms. She had a sinking feeling that she was going to have to thank Potter for taking care of Sev when she wasn't around to do it. And if that wasn't bad enough, she seemed to be developing a grudging respect for the prat (ex-prat?) as well. "I know he likes you," she said, keeping her tone even, "I just want to make sure he's not, you know, asking for anything he shouldn't be in return for letting you stay here," she said pointedly.

"No," Severus said right away. "He's been a perfect gentleman—he's the one who kept telling me to wait," he said, then immediately tensed as if he'd said too much.

"Severus. What?"

Severus sighed, which Lily felt as well as heard, then he said, "I would've told you at the train station, if Petunia hadn't swooped in and started spouting her bullshit."

Lily swallowed and asked, "Told me what?"

"Please don't be angry," Sev said quietly.

"Sev, just say it."

Severus took a deep breath, then said, "That last day at Hogwarts, James and I had a serious talk and then we sort of," he hesitated, then finished, "snogged a few times. And a few times since then."

"A few times?" Lily echoed, feeling stunned and yet somehow simultaneously not being surprised at all.

"Dozen. A few dozen times, maybe—I wasn't exactly counting."

"So," Lily said, swallowing her heart and trying to keep her voice steady, "so you're, what, dating him now?"

"Not exactly," Severus hedged.

"You are or you aren't, Sev, which is it?" she asked, finally pulling back just enough to brave looking him in the eye, but not breaking the hug.

"He asked," Sev admitted. "I said 'maybe' and told him I needed time to think about it."

Don't say it, Lily told herself. Don't say it, don't be that girl, don't say it, damn it— "What about us?"

Severus blinked and stared at her as if that was the last thing he'd expected to hear. When he finally found his voice again, all he managed to say was, "Lily?"

She huffed out a frustrated breath and tried to keep the hurt out of her voice as she said, "I told you I wanted to talk things through this summer—what did you think I meant?"

He blinked again and opened his mouth without saying anything a few times, before finally saying, "I thought you meant being friends again… I didn't—after how I treated you, I didn't dare to hope—"

Lily leaned up on her tiptoes and silenced him with a kiss. It only lasted a brief moment, but she poured everything into it that she couldn't seem to put into words.

When she pulled back, Sev was staring at her again looking stunned and lovestruck. "Lily," he breathed.

She smiled and said, "I won't say it—I know you don't want to hear it," she said pointedly, and the slight sobering of Sev's expression told her that he knew exactly what she was referring to, "but it's still true." I still love you, she didn't say. "Always."

She'd known that Sev had been through hell—she could tell by the way his emotions seemed so close to the surface like an exposed nerve, and by the way his attempts to mask his reactions were much less successful than usual—and she'd known that her words might be too much for him right now and might not go over well, but she hadn't expected his expression to just crumple like that.

"Lily, I'm sorry," he said, pulling her close again and burying his face in her hair. "I shouldn't have pushed you away. I should've said it back," he murmured, pressing a kiss to the top of her head. "I do," he said fervently, "you know I do."

Lily felt tears welling up in her eyes and she leaned back just far enough to look at Sev, who looked just as affected. "Sev," she said.

Severus caught her gaze with his own and said for the first time ever, "I love you, Lily."

Lily's breath caught, and she felt a warmth in her chest and at the same time felt like she'd been punched in the solar plexus. For the second time ever, Lily said, "I love you, Sev," and as she leaned in to kiss him again, she hoped that this time it wouldn't ruin things.

~ * ~ * ~ * ~

He'd said it. Merlin's beard, he'd finally said it. Lily actually miraculously wanted him back, and she'd kissed him a second and then a third time and he'd finally told her that he loved her, while standing in the middle of James Potter's bedroom of all places.

Severus had expected Lily to run the other way once he told her the truth (as much of it as he was willing to, obviously—there was no way he was telling her that the person he and James had met and bargained with was actually the Dark Lord). He'd expected her to realize what he'd known all along—that she deserved better than to be stuck with him. But instead she'd hugged him. Accepted him. Accepted all of him, even his darkest parts. Told him she still loved him. And that—that broke something, some deeply entrenched defensive wall around his heart that he'd put up to protect himself, to keep himself from ever giving anyone else the kind of power over him that love entailed. But it didn't feel like such a risk anymore, not with Lily. She hadn't run, hadn't abandoned him—and if knowing unequivocally that he'd killed his own father with a wandless Unforgivable didn't scare her away, he couldn't imagine what would. He'd always trusted her, but…perhaps now after all this time he could finally trust her love.

~ * ~ * ~ * ~

James sighed for probably the fortieth time and resisted the urge to bang his head against the closet door. He was sitting on the floor, with his knees drawn up and his back against the door, bored already with catching and releasing the stolen Snitch he'd found in a pocket of one of his hanging school robes.

He was trying not to fantasize too much about Sev and Evans making up and then making out on his bed, but damn he was bored. He'd changed clothes twice out of pure boredom after getting dressed the first time. He'd gone through his robe pockets and found the Snitch, some stale chocolate frogs, and not much else. He'd tried on one of the pairs of shoes he'd bought Sev at Gladrags, just for fun, and idly noted that Sev's feet were just slightly bigger than his own. Then he'd given up and sat down against the door, playing with the Snitch absentmindedly.

Suddenly the door opened and James, not expecting it, toppled over backwards at someone's feet.

"Oh," James said, smiling up at Evans. "Hey, Evans. Looks like I've fallen for you," he said with a cheeky wink as he tried very hard to keep his eyes on her face instead of her mostly-bare legs.

She scoffed and said flatly, "Wow. That was terrible."

"Yeah, all right," he grudgingly admitted, "not my best."

She stared down at him for a moment with a very Sev-like unreadable expression, then she took a step back from him and said, "Get up. We're ready to go."

James got to his feet and glanced over to find Sev sitting on the edge of the bed, staring off towards the floor but wearing a rare unguarded smile. James' eyebrows went up and he quickly glanced over at Evans again, trying to see if her hair was mussed or if her lips looked kiss-swollen—and, as a matter of fact…

"You two finally kissed and made up, didn't you?" James said, grinning first at Evans and then at Sev, who actually blushed slightly.

"Mind your business, Potter," Evans said, but she seemed to be blushing too as she tucked an errant lock of hair behind her ear.

"I am," James said, quirking an eyebrow at her but getting nothing back except a vaguely curious and annoyed look. James glanced at Sev instead and asked, "Er, you did talk about—" he trailed off, pointed in a vaguely v-shaped pattern from himself to Sev to Evans, then awkwardly continued, "—you know. Didn't you?"

Evans crossed her arms and said, "He told me you snogged at Hogwarts, and that you asked him out."

"And?" James prompted.

"And what?" Evans asked, looking defiant but also slightly suspicious.

James blinked, feeling a stab of rejection. But of course Sev wouldn't waste his time with him once he got Evans back—it was stupid of him to ever think otherwise. Of course Sev wouldn't risk losing Evans by asking her to share him with James—James was 'too much' after all, especially when Sev already had someone else.

"And nothing, I guess," James said after a moment, not quite able to keep the bitterness out of his tone. He stepped back into the closet just long enough to slip on a pair of shoes. "Come on," he said, not looking at either of them as he headed for the door, "it's a long walk to the graveyard."

"James?" Severus asked, and he sounded concerned.

"Put some shoes on," James told him without looking at him, nodding instead towards the closet as he leaned against the wall by the main door. "Not the Laurent Voler pair," he added as an afterthought, "if the grass is damp it'll ruin them."

James felt him staring for a moment longer before Sev finally relented and went over to the walk in closet. He heard footsteps, and then Evans grabbed his arm and spun him around.

"What the hell, Potter?" she whisper-yelled.

He raised an eyebrow and said, "What?"

She said in a harsher tone, "I don't know what crawled up your arse just now, or how it managed to squeeze past your head to get up there—"

"Classy," he scoffed, but she talked over him.

"—but don't you dare play games with Sev or shut him out right now."

"I'm not the one playing games."

"What's that mean?" Lily asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Don't worry about it," he snapped, turning away to face the door instead of her.

"Too late," she snapped back from beside him. She went silent for a moment, considering him, then she asked, "What else were Sev and I supposed to talk about?"

James frowned and said stiffly, "Whatever you want to. Clearly it's none of my business."

Evans took a step sideways, putting herself in James' line of sight. "Potter, you're not subtle. Like, at all. You asked if we talked about," she mimicked the gesture he'd made earlier, "something, and then you just closed off. What did you mean?"

"Obviously it doesn't matter. Just drop it, Evans."

"If it doesn't matter then why are you being such a berk all of a sudden?"

Sev cleared his throat from behind both of them, and he said, "I'd rather like to know that as well."

James sighed but turned to very briefly meet Sev's eyes—just long enough to hate the fact that he'd put that worried, insecure expression in them. Then he said, "It's fine, Sev." He forced a smile and said pointedly, "I told you I wouldn't get in the way, remember?" Sev blinked a few times, seeming to catch on to his meaning, and James continued, "Just let me be pissed off for a little bit, and I'll get over it, and then we'll be fine, all right?"

"No," Severus said, "it's not all right, you idiot."

"Why not?" James demanded, starting to get properly angry. He was trying to be selfless here, and it didn't exactly come naturally to him. "You've obviously decided to just be with Evans, so fine—that's fine. Completely fine."

"Obviously?" Sev echoed in a tone of pissed-off disbelief. "When did I decide that?"

"When you didn't ask her about," James hesitated, feeling awkward, then just gestured between the three of them again in a vaguely triangular motion, "what we discussed."

Severus scoffed at him, and some part of James was actually very relieved to see the fight back in him—to see him showing some life instead of just drifting through like he'd been doing all week. "Oh yes, my mistake," Severus said, his tone just this side of scathing, "obviously the moment she miraculously decided to give me another chance, I should've immediately invited her into a polyamorous relationship with the twat who's harassed us both for years!" Severus ran a hand through his hair in frustration and said, "Jesus fuck, Potter, just because I didn't bring it up right away doesn't mean I was rejecting you."

"Wait," Evans chimed in, looking from Sev to James. "You're talking about all three of us being together? As a couple? Or—well, as a whatever? Are you serious?"

James bit his lip to stop himself from making a Sirius/serious joke, then he nodded and said, "Absolutely. And if you're still inexplicably not swayed by my many charms," she rolled her eyes at that and James pretended it didn't hurt a little, "then it can be a V instead of a triangle, you know. You wouldn't have to do anything with me, we'd just both be dating Sev."

Evans raised an eyebrow at him and said coolly, "I'm fully aware that I don't 'have to' do anything with you, Potter—I don't need your permission to continue not dating you," but she seemed to be considering the proposition. Then she turned to look at Severus instead and asked, "Sev? What do you want?"

Sev gave her a forced-looking smile, then confessed in a whisper, "Both of you—I know it sounds greedy, but—"

"Hey, none of that," James interrupted gently, trying not to grin like a lunatic as warmth and relief and hope replaced the angry hollowness he'd felt in his chest just moments ago. "Be as greedy as you want, Sev, I happen to like spoiling you."

"I've noticed," Severus said, giving him a hint of a smile before turning to Evans and asking, "Lily? Are you all right with this? Honestly?"

James looked at Evans as well, trying to keep his expression calm but desperately hoping she wouldn't make Sev choose—because James was pretty sure Sev would always choose Evans if it came down to it.

Evans met Sev's eyes for a long moment, looking uncertain, then she glanced at James before taking a deep breath and staring down at her feet. "Well," she said, "the only other time I've heard of polyamory was when Petunia went on a rant about how people who did it were ruining society and would go straight to hell along with all of the gays and the hippies and the feminists, so," she paused, then looked up and quirked a smile, "honestly it sounds like my kind of thing."

James broke into a grin, then said with feeling, "Evans, you are perfect."

She scoffed through a smile and said, "Sev, your boyfriend is delusional."

A small, happy, disbelieving smile crept onto Sev's face as he looked back and forth between the two of them, and James wanted it to stay there forever.

James grinned even wider and said, "Sev, your girlfriend is perfect."

"I know," Severus said, and Evans rolled her eyes at him but she smiled.

~ * ~ * ~ * ~

As they all finally stepped outside and started walking down the long driveway towards the road, with Lily on the left, Severus in the middle, and James on the right, Severus once again started to question his assumption that all of this was real.

Even through the lingering fogginess from an entire week of alternating dissociation and panic attacks that he barely remembered, he simply felt too—happy, in this moment—for it to be true. And then there was the fact that James and Lily had agreed—almost too easily—to essentially share him. In light of what had happened with Severus' parents, Lily seemed to have forgiven him without even discussing everything that went wrong their first go round, or the fact that he'd called her that horrible word. James had seemed willing, however grudgingly, to step aside when he'd assumed Severus only wanted Lily, which seemed uncharacteristically selfless of him. The mansion they'd all just stepped out of looked like something out of a bloody fairytale, some kind of amalgamation of a cottage and a small castle—it wasn't the sort of place Severus got to live. Severus didn't get to have nice things, and if by some miracle he got something he wanted he usually didn't get to keep it long—that was what his life so far had taught him.

"Are you sure this is really real?" he blurted out before he could stop himself.

He glanced at Lily and found himself on the receiving end of a concerned and scrutinizing look. Then a hard pinch to his upper arm had him turning the opposite way to face James.

"What the hell, Potter?" Severus demanded, rubbing his arm.

James raised both hands in surrender, then said innocently, "Just proving that you're not dreaming."

Severus scowled at him. "It's not impossible to feel pain in dreams, idiot. You've proven nothing."

At that, James looked guilty and ran a nervous hand through his hair. "Oh. Er, sorry then."

Severus ignored that and mused, "Maybe I never even left that kitchen—maybe I'm dying right now and this is just my brain giving me something nice for once on the way out."

"Severus!" Lily said, looking suddenly near tears. He blinked and started to apologize for upsetting her, but she said, "You're not dying—you're here with us and you're alive, and you're going to stay that way for a very long time, understand?"

"All right," he said quietly, "sorry."

"Don't be sorry," Lily said softly, "just trust me."

Severus smiled and caught her eye. "Always."

Lily smiled back, but there was a hint of sadness underneath it. She took his hand and nodded further down the road they were on. "Come on."

They started walking again, and it took Severus a moment to notice that James had fallen back a few steps with both hands in his pockets and a pensive look on his face. Severus caught his eye, raised an eyebrow, and then held out his free hand towards James.

James smiled, walked faster to catch up, and clasped Sev's hand, entwining their fingers and swinging their arms slightly as they walked.

They didn't talk, but it was a comfortable silence despite the solemnity of the occasion. Severus wondered if he was actually ready to face his mother's grave, but he knew Lily probably couldn't stay for much longer and if he was going to do this, he wanted to do it with both Lily and James by his side.

After about ten minutes of walking, Severus felt a wave of lightheadedness and stumbled slightly but managed to catch himself.

"Sev?" Lily asked, concerned.

"Whoa, you all right?" James said.

"Fine, fine," Severus said, although the lightheadedness wasn't going away. "Just need to," he closed his eyes and slowly lowered himself to sit on the ground, ignoring James and Lily's fussing, "need to sit down a minute." The road they were on was paved, and the asphalt was almost too warm even through his clothes but it felt nice anyway. Maybe he could just lay here a moment.

Maybe he could even take a nap if those voices would stop arguing above him.

"—what do you mean he hasn't been eating?"

"He's barely been conscious all week, Evans, it was all I could do to get a nutrient potion into him every day."

"Then you should've taken him to St. Mungo's!"

"He refused, and he freaked out every time I even mentioned it!"

Severus took a deep breath and managed to push out a weak protest, "No hospitals, Potter." He kept his eyes closed because the sun was just too bloody bright.

"See?" James said from somewhere vaguely up.

"Well then he needs another potion, obviously," Lily said. There was a slight rustle, then Lily's voice was much closer and much gentler. "Sev? What potion would help you the most right now?"

"Mmmm," he said, feeling a bit drifty and just enjoying the sound of her voice so close, so caring. The road was warm against his back and his legs, and he could feel the cool spots where Lily's shadow fell over him and blocked the heat of the sunlight. It was nice.

"Sev?" Lily asked again, sounding much more worried. "Nutrient potion? Pepper Up? Strengthening Solution?"

Sev took a moment to fight through the fog and try to assess how he felt, and he made a vaguely affirmative "Mmhmm," at her third suggestion. He felt the shade go away as Lily stood.

"Tally?" Potter called, and there was a pop as the elf appeared. "Hey, go get a Strengthening Solution for Sev. If there isn't one in the house, go buy one and use my account. Hurry up!"

"Yes, master James," Tally said, then popped away.

"Hey, Sev?" James said, and Severus felt shade again.

"Hmm?"

"You need to get up, love. Can't just lay in the street."

"M'okay, just need to rest a mo'."

"Right, but you can do it against that nice tree over there instead of in the middle of the road like a lunatic."

"Potter!" Lily scolded.

Severus chuckled but didn't try to move. "Do you against a tree," he grumbled half-heartedly, and James laughed.

"Promise?" James asked cheekily.

There was a loud pop as Tally returned and said, "Tally is having Master Sev's potion," while presumably handing it over.

"Thanks, Tal. Stick around for a minute," James said. "Evans, can you hold this a sec? Right then, up you go."

Severus felt hands close around both his wrists, and then he was pulled up into a sitting position. The dizziness got worse, and he tried to open his eyes which was a mistake because the light bloody burned. "Potter, put me down."

"Sure, as soon as you take this potion."

"Potter—"

"Drink it, or I'll drink it and shotgun it into your mouth, and I don't think Evans and Tally want to see that."

Severus huffed a laugh and muttered, "God, you're a menace."

"Yep," James said, and Sev felt the rim of a cool glass vial press against his lips. "Open up," James said, and Severus parted his lips as the vial tilted, drinking the potion that tasted vaguely of burnt cinnamon.

"Disgusting," Severus said after he'd swallowed it all. He could already feel it working though, and he managed to blink his eyes open without getting a massive headache from the light. The dizziness started to slowly abate as well, and he felt like he could pick himself up without his muscles turning to jelly. He realized both James and Lily were kneeling on either side of him while Tally stood a few feet away, nervously wringing her hands. "Sorry," he said, briefly looking at all three of them before closing his eyes again.

"It's all right, Sev," Lily said, taking his hand. He opened his eyes again just to look into her beautiful, brilliant green ones.

James cleared his throat and said, "Yeah, I'm the one who's sorry—should've known this would be too much for you."

Severus waved it off—he was already starting to feel halfway normal after taking the Strengthening Solution. "It's fine—just give me another minute."

"Yeah, no," James said firmly. "Tally's going to pop us the rest of the way there, if you think you can keep that potion down for the trip."

Severus took a second to assess how he felt and whether he was likely to vomit after an Apparation, then said, "I'll be all right."

"Tally?" James said, and the elf stepped closer. James took Sev's hand on one side, and Lily took the other. James held out his other hand for Tally to take. "Take us to the graveyard, close to the Potter plots but away from people if there's anyone else visiting."

Tally nodded, and there was a brief squeezing feeling, and then they all reappeared on a soft green lawn in the shade of a massive tree on the edge of the cemetery. Severus glanced to the right and saw rows and rows of headstones dotting the grass, and he swallowed, feeling apprehensive.

"Thanks, Tal," James said. "You can go home for now—I'll call you if we need you again."

"Yes, master James," Tally said, smiling before popping away.

The loud pop only highlighted the silence left behind—aside from a slight breeze rustling the tree leaves, all was quiet. No one else seemed to be around. It should've felt peaceful, but there was still a sense of unreality that seemed to cling to Severus like a fog and made everything feel more profound, more momentous—like those occasional dreams that feel so real and so certain right up until the moment of waking.

Severus took a deep breath, then looked over at James and asked, "Which one's hers?"

James squeezed his hand and attempted a reassuring smile as he helped him stand. "This way," he said, keeping a hold of Sev's hand as he gently tugged him into the grid of gravestones. Lily took Sev's other hand and followed.

Severus watched the names on the headstones as they passed—some said Peverell, which vaguely rang a bell for some reason, and then they stepped into an entire section of Potters.

"My grandparents," James said quietly, nodding towards two stones side by side, Charlus and Dorea. "Never met them." Beside those were two blank stones. "Those two are reserved for my parents," he added, clearing his throat. There was a large expanse of lawn with no stones, and as they stepped onto it, James said in a slightly lighter tone, "This is all reserved for future generations of Potters—we're literally walking over my grave right now."

"That's not funny," Lily said quietly, looking vaguely spooked. Sev's stomach dropped at the mention as well.

Severus squeezed Lily's hand as James glanced back and said, "Sorry, Evans."

As they approached the edge of the row, Severus noticed the lone gravestone standing there and James told him, "I figured you wouldn't want her crammed in the middle of my family, so I picked this spot on the edge. Hope that's all right."

"It's fine," Severus said, and as they got closer he realized that James must've spared no expense. The stone itself was black marble, rectangular, and around three feet tall, with engraved roses going up one side. Her name was embossed in an elegant white script, and above that in smaller letters it read 'In loving memory'. Below her name were her dates of birth and death. Below that, affixed to the stone with an engraved border—Severus felt tears prickling his eyes, and he breathed, "How—?"

It was a photograph that he recognized—the very first picture ever taken of Eileen and Severus, with her holding him and looking down at him on the day he was born—but it was moving. Eileen glanced up and smiled at the camera, love and happiness shining through her expression in a way it never had in her later life. Baby Severus reached one tiny hand up to pat her chin and she looked back down to smile at him instead.

James cleared his throat nervously and said, "A few days ago I, er, floo'd back to your house and found it in an album. I was looking for pictures and stuff in case you woke up in time to have an actual funeral. Turns out they can animate Muggle photos—it's not easy, and there's only a limited number of things they can make them do, but," James trailed off for a moment, ran his free hand through his hair in a nervous gesture, "well, I thought you would like to see her smile."

Severus inhaled sharply as he lost the battle with his tears. He stepped closer to James and buried his face against his chest, breathing deeply to keep from sobbing as he wrapped both arms around him.

James hugged him back and said in a worried tone, "I'm sorry if it was too much, I just—"

Severus shook his head against James' chest and said, "No, it's—it's beautiful. Thank you."

James pressed a kiss to the top of Sev's head and murmured, "Of course, love."

A touch had Sev turning to see Lily, looking on the edge of tears herself, standing close to both of them and running her hand comfortingly up and down his arm. Severus tried to force a smile but had no idea how it turned out. He hid his face against James' chest again, sniffled, then managed to pull himself together after a moment.

Sev straightened up and stepped out of James' embrace. He wiped his eyes, then glanced from James to Lily before asking the air between them, "Can I have a minute alone, please?"

"Of course, Sev," Lily said.

"We'll just be right over there, yeah?" James said, nodding towards a tree about twenty feet away.

Severus nodded, then turned back to face his mother's grave as they stepped away.

~ * ~ * ~ * ~

Lily followed Potter over to an oak tree on the edge of the cemetery, giving Sev some space but still saying in sight and within shouting distance. They came to a stop in the shade of the tree, both glancing back towards Severus before looking at each other.

"So, erm—" Potter said awkwardly before trailing off.

Her emotions were still reeling a bit from everything she'd learned today and everything that had changed, but Lily took a deep breath and said, "You know, I still have some doubts about you, Potter, but that," she nodded back towards the gravestone, "was the kindest, most touching thing I've ever seen someone do."

Potter's eyebrows went up in surprise, and then a smile crept onto his face. "I've been telling you for years that I'm a catch, Evans."

"Don't push your luck," she said flatly, crossing her arms—honestly, every time she thought she might actually be able to get along with Potter he had to go and turn everything into a joke or a flirtation. She snuck another glance in Sev's direction, but he was still kneeling by his mum's grave and didn't seem to be in any obvious distress. She turned back to Potter, gave him a humorless smile, and asked, "Have you ever gotten a shovel talk before, Potter?"

"A what now?" he asked, looking confused.

"Hmm, must be a Muggle thing," she said. "The gist of it is, if you hurt him in any way, I'll make sure they never find your body."

Potter blinked, then said, "Understood—but just so you know, I have no intention of hurting him ever again." He paused and then asked, "What does a shovel have to do with it?"

"It's to dig a hole to bury you in. And maybe to bash you over the head with too," she said matter-of-factly.

Potter tsked and said, "So violent," but he smiled slightly.

Lily glanced over to check on Sev again, then she gave Potter a serious look and said, "I won't ask for another Oath, but I want your word that you won't take advantage of him being so—unguarded—right now. And I want you to promise that you'll take care of him, no matter what—even if things don't work out with you two—don't kick him out and don't go back to treating him like you used to."

Potter's expression had gone solemn and he looked her right in the eye when he said, "I promise, Evans. No matter what."

She held his gaze for a moment and then nodded. "Good."

Potter forced a half-hearted smile and then he glanced over to check on Sev, which prompted Lily to do the same—he still seemed fine.

"So, erm," Lily said after another moment, "I probably can't stay much longer. I sort of took off without telling anyone. My parents are going to freak out when they realize it, and that's if my sister hasn't already tattled on me."

Potter studied her for a moment. "Well, if you're already going to be in trouble, you might as well make the most of it," he said in true Marauder fashion. "Stay for dinner, at least. Maybe if we both pout at Sev long enough he'll actually eat something."

Lily gave him half a smile and said, "Sometimes, Potter, I like the way you think."

"Just sometimes?" he asked playfully. She raised a critical eyebrow at him, and then Potter shrugged before smiling and saying, "I'll take it."

Lily ducked her head to hide her smile, then glanced over and saw Sev looking their way. She straightened up and took a step towards him—he looked calm and slightly curious about Lily and Potter obviously getting along. Sev raised one hand to quickly swipe at his eyes, then he beckoned for them to come over.

"Come on," Lily said, touching Potter's arm lightly before striding back towards Severus. There was a pause and then he jogged a few steps to catch up to her. She glanced over but his eyes were on Sev as he walked, and he looked concerned. "Potter?" she said under her breath, waiting for him to meet her eyes before saying just as quietly, "Thank you." For the photo and the gravestone, for taking care of Eileen's burial, for bargaining with a Death Eater to keep Sev safe, for being willing to hide a body for him, for taking care of Severus, for giving him kindness and affection, for giving him a chance in the first place and stopping the bullying—she hoped her tone and her expression conveyed all of that, because they were within earshot of Sev now and she didn't want to elaborate. She honestly wasn't even sure if she could find a way to put it all into words. Potter seemed to get it though—he gave her a serious look and simply nodded before looking back towards Severus.

Sev's eyes were red but he wasn't crying at the moment, and he seemed to have mostly pulled himself together—if Lily didn't already know where to look for the cracks in his mask she wouldn't have seen them. When she got within arm's reach he held out his hand and she took it, kneeling in the grass beside him. Potter sat down next to Sev on his other side.

For a long moment no one spoke, then Severus took a deep breath and quietly told Lily, "She knew about us, somehow. I never told her, but," he trailed off and shrugged one shoulder. "She really liked you," he added. He glanced over at James, and said, "I think she would've liked you too—I sort of accidentally told her about us when I was trying to talk her into leaving." Sev's expression went a bit pinched at that, and he went quiet again. Lily didn't know what she could say without making it sound like pity, which Sev would resent, and it seemed Potter was in the same predicament since he stayed quiet too.

Sev didn't seem to expect them to say anything though, and after a moment he said in a quiet, reminiscent tone, "One of my earliest memories is of her taking me to the park—I must've only been two or three because it was before he found out about our magic," Sev paused, sniffed, and then continued. "She picked a white dandelion and blew on it, and I remember watching the pieces of it drifting on the air. She smiled and told me dandelions were considered a weed but they were still beautiful, and they were the best to make wishes on. She smiled—just like in that photo…that's one of the only times I remember her looking happy." Severus went quiet and Lily saw Potter reach for his free hand to give it a comforting squeeze. Severus sniffed again, and then said, "I asked her what she wished for, and she said you can't tell or it won't come true."

Lily forced a sad smile and said, "I remember you teaching me that, the second time we met. Along with what potions dandelions were good for."

Severus huffed a slight laugh. "She started teaching me about potions and simple spells after my magic started manifesting. Cat was out of the bag at that point. She always seemed a little sad about it though—I think she'd hoped I would be a Squib," he scoffed and said, "and I honestly can't blame her, even though it was bloody impossible. She was hoping that this baby—" his voice broke and he went silent, letting out a sharp exhale that seemed to want to be a sob. Lily and Potter simultaneously reached up to put their free arm around Sev's shoulders, and their arms brushed but Lily didn't move. Sev found his voice again and muttered, "I always knew this was going to happen someday. I knew, so why does it hurt so goddamn much?"

Lily's heart broke a little bit more for him, and she felt a stab of guilt for not realizing just how horrifically bad things were all those years—Sev had been good at hiding it and downplaying the abuse, but she still felt like she'd failed him. "It hurts because it wasn't supposed to be like this," she said quietly, squeezing his hand.

Sev blinked and a few silent tears escaped. He took a shaky breath and said, "I keep thinking that it was all for nothing in the end—everything I went through over the years because I stuck around to protect her, and I couldn't even do that—he still killed her," his voice broke and he took another of those trying-not-to cry breaths.

Potter spoke up, his voice low but certain, "This was not your fault, Sev."

Severus scoffed and argued, "I couldn't stop him in time and I couldn't heal her—I tried but she'd lost too much blood, she was already gone," his voice broke again and he ducked his head as more silent tears escaped. Lily shifted closer to him, close enough to let him hide his face in her shoulder—he'd always hated to let anyone see him cry.

Lily wrapped her right arm around Sev's waist and reached up with her left hand to card her fingers through his hair in a gesture of silent comfort. She glanced up at the moving photograph affixed to the grave and felt a stab of pain for Eileen herself—she'd been happy once, hopeful once, only to be betrayed and abused and eventually murdered by the man she'd loved. Lily still couldn't help but resent her a bit even through her sympathy—whatever her reasons, Eileen had kept Sev in an abusive situation and Lily couldn't reconcile that with her concept of what a mother was supposed to be. Lily swore that if she ever had children, she would make sure they were safe and loved and happy, and anything that tried to hurt them would have to go through her first. So would anything that tried to hurt Sev.

She turned her head and pressed a kiss to Sev's temple, and when she glanced up she saw Potter silently trying to catch her eye. He still had one hand on Sev's upper back, slowly rubbing up and down in a comforting motion. She quirked an eyebrow at him, and he used his free hand to point first at himself and then at where Sev had latched onto Lily's side, then he gave her a look as if asking for permission—if he moved beside her to hold Sev at the same time as her, Potter would be pressed up against her side as well. She took a second to appreciate the fact that he'd asked first, then she simply nodded and ignored the flutter of awkward apprehension as he shuffled over closer.

Potter scooted up next to her on her right side, putting his left hand on the ground behind her and then wrapping his right arm around Sev's shoulder. He leaned forward to rest his head on Sev's shoulder while Sev still had his face hidden against Lily's collarbone. Lily and Potter's sides were pressed together but she was surprised by how comfortable it was—Potter wasn't trying anything, wasn't touching her any more than necessary—they were both just holding Sev.

For a moment it was quiet and comfortable and warm, and then Sev sniffed and asked from Lily's shoulder, "Are you two actually getting along now?"

Potter made a noncommittal sort of noise, and Lily said, "It's too soon to tell," which surprised a small pleased laugh out of Severus. Lily smiled at the accomplishment.

Potter volunteered, "Evans did say she'd stay for dinner though."

Lily glanced at Potter, at the small fond smile on his face as he embraced Sev, at his wild hair that used to irritate her on sight, at his distinctive round glasses, at his hazel eyes which—whoops—had glanced up and caught her staring. He quirked an eyebrow at her, but she just shrugged and looked down at Severus instead.

"Are you ready to head back?" she asked Sev, tucking a strand of hair behind his ear as he finally raised his face from her shoulder to make hesitant eye contact first with Lily and then with Potter.

Sev's eyes skittered away somewhere between the two of them, perhaps at the spot where their shoulders were touching. He paused for a moment and seemed to be collecting himself, then he said, "I—yes. I think so."

"We can come back anytime you want," Potter said quietly.

Sev glanced at him briefly and then nodded before looking down again. "All right. Call your elf."

"Tally?" James called. With a loud pop, Tally appeared beside them and turned an earnest look towards James while she waited for instructions. James took one of Sev's hands and Lily took the other, then James held out his free hand towards Tally and said, "Take us home."

~ * ~ * ~ * ~

A/N: Please let me know what you think. I fought myself on this one because in a way I feel like it's much too soon to have Lily on board with the polyamory or to even have them talk about it just yet, but when I tried to start over and take things slower my muse just wasn't having it. Regardless, certain issues/resentments/concerns between the three are not going to magically disappear just because they didn't hash it all out in this chapter—things that are left to fester have a way of coming back around later on /

Also their relationship is not going to stay V-shaped, it's going to eventually be a triangle. EVENTUALLY. I might even finally accomplish writing a partial slow burn for once, between James and Lily in this fic. Just fyi in case you were worried/disappointed ;)

Comments give me life!


End file.
